Today I went to the zoo. Having just stopped at the library, I was
carrying a large, hardcover volume of the Great Gatsby. It was the first time I'd been to the zoo in years, and one of the newest attractions was the baboon pit. There was one solitary baboon in there who looked to be about the size of an SUV. Quite a crowd had coagulated about the pit, so I pushed in closer to get a good look.…

"Who the fuck gets married in an airport terminal to someone they've never met?" is, among others, one of the many philosophical questions asked by Steven Spielberg in the Terminal.

Some movies tug at your heartstrings. The Terminal, with its flagrantly feigned sentimentality, rips your heartstrings out and then proceeds to defecate on them. Once your heartstrings have been thoroughly submerged in fecal matter, it puts the concoction into a blender with a half-assed script and then attempts to funnel…

"What if Charles Laughton made another film?" is a question that is extremely comparable to "What if Nikola Tesla's wireless grid was accepted by the public?" Nikola Tesla was an inventor known for contributing extensively to the radio, inventing alternating current, an, conceiving a method of delivering electricity wirelessly across the world via giant towers. If Tesla's plan of wireless electricity transmission had been supported by the public at large, our world today would be much different and, presumably, more…

Well, I'm going to go ahead to preemptively declare this the greatest movie musical of all time, and here's five reasons why.

1) It's the First Movie Musical to Record the Music On Set

That's right. All of the other great movie musicals have had lip-syncing. Singin' in the Rain, the Music Man, West Side Story, Moulin Rouge, you name it. This limits what the actors can do, as they need to conform to what they sang in a studio…