Inglourious John Wick: Fury Road
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The Killer 2023
A film that isn’t as clever as it thinks it is about a man who isn’t as clever as he thinks he is. (Soundtrack by a band whose lead singer is nowhere near as clever as he thinks he is.)
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Down by Law 1986
The Three Stooges via Robert Bresson. Robby Müller's exquisite cinematography. Ellen Barkin channelling Monica Vitti. We all scream for ice cream. Magnificent.
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Into the Night 1985
I used to love this film, but it does not hold up, largely due to racist, slapstick Iranian gangsters and undisciplined tonal whiplash. A meandering, ultimately wearying shaggy dog story that has flashes of wit and invention interspersed with numerous telephone calls made by Pfeiffer to yet another loosely sketched and quickly dispatched cameo appearance.
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Scandal 1950
From the dapper Toshiro Mifune riding his motorcycle with a Christmas tree strapped to the back whilst being chased by a swarm of delighted kids to Mifune and Takashi Shimura leading a rousing drunken bar-room rendition of Auld Lang Syne, Kurosawa’s courtroom melodrama on the relative virtues of truth is a magnificent (albeit belated) festive treat. Glorious.
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Surviving Christmas 2004
A raging narcissist of Musk-like proportions makes a business proposition so perverse it would make Redford in Indecent Proposal blush. The sole saving grace is Udo Kier inexplicably screaming “lick the lollipop!”
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The Next Karate Kid 1994
I would have preferred it if this had been distilled down to nothing but scenes of Buddhist monks going bowling and dancing to The Cranberries, interspersed with shots of Mr. Miyagi delivering roundhouse face kicks to Michael Ironside and his proto-incels.
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Top Gun: Maverick 2022
Sure, the flight sequences are Very Very Impressive, but talking about this movie (and its Reagan-fellating predecessor) without even acknowledging the flag shagging gung-ho militarism, the goofy machismo and the terrible music feels like wilful ignorance with a side order of cognitive bias. Too many shots of Looney Tunes orange skies, too many references to Goose getting cooked…Having said all that, it was the two hour diversion I needed after a rough week (and it was either this or poorly-rendered dinosaurs), even if it didn’t take my breath away. And why does Jon Hamm always look like he really needs to go to the toilet?
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A Blue Day In London 2022
Totally normal to feel like crying when your daughter makes an incredible short film, right? So so proud of you, Kaia. Always.
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The Comeback Trail 2020
Tonally all over the place, which is best exemplified when you realise that De Niro is Wile E. Coyote and Tommy Lee is the Road Runner. Stick around for the mid-credits trailer for Killer Nuns - it's the best bit of the film by far.
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