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  • Jurassic World

    Jurassic World 2015

    ★★ Watched 12 Jun, 2015

    Can't shake the feeling that this film was created by the people who gave us Poochie.

    ...Chris Pratt needs to be louder, angrier, and have access to a pack of Velociraptors (but you know, the cool kind). Two, whenever Chris Pratt's not on screen, all the other characters should be asking "Where's Chris Pratt?"

    I have also reached peak levels of "don't give a fuck" when it comes to giant computer generated monsters wrestling with each other. If the best…

  • Spy

    Spy 2015

    ★★★ Watched 06 Jun, 2015

    Has anyone else noted that Statham serves almost the exact same purpose in this that he does in FURIOUS 7? Popping up at random instances in far flung locales and having negligible impact on the plot. It works much better here.

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  • The Amazing Spider-Man 2

    The Amazing Spider-Man 2 2014

    ★★ Watched 23 Aug, 2014 17

    When I was a little kid, growing up solidly middle class, I had a lot of toys. But my parents, mindful of the expanding clutter that comes from the accumulation of “stuff,” presented me with an ultimatum: if I went long enough without playing with my toys then I’d have to get rid of them before I could get any new ones. They didn’t care what I did with them: throw them out, sell them at a yard sale, give…

  • Guardians of the Galaxy

    Guardians of the Galaxy 2014

    ★★½ Watched 02 Aug, 2014 2

    Oh good: I was worried this wouldn't have a scene where a large air ship crashes into a major, metropolitan city.