The Thing 2011 ★★

This review reportedly contains spoilers.
I can handle the truth.

This review reportedly contains spoilers.

The first appearance of The Thing itself involves a jump scare; loud noises, fast movement and a lot more CGI. This is at odds with what made John Carpenter's movie such an enduring masterclass in horror. The Thing of 1982 was a creature of patience and it would never smash through a block of ice to escape, all signs pointed to it simply laying in wait while its icy prison melted around it. The Thing was cunning, only exposing itself when it was backed into a corner.

The Thing of 2011 barely hesitates in busting itself open, all tentacles and fangs, to cue up some elaborate monster effects and another sample of Marco Beltrami's needlessly noisy score. It's loud and tactless, the creature and the film.