Reviewed Jun 30, 2012
This movie has the distinction of being the only time I've ever walked out of the theater mid-movie. Now, before you get all up-in-arms about me reviewing it, I DID eventually finish it via the comfort of Netflix so I could dick about doing more useful things while it burned through my TV, but I wanted to be ABSOLUTELY SURE it stayed as bad as the first half, and boy did it.
I suppose I should have known better, but people who I generally trust told me it was "hilarious" and despite my general disdain for both leads, I bit the bullet at a local dollar theater showing. Obviously there WAS a good idea in here somewhere, but it would have been in the unmade movie starring The Rock and Samuel L. Jackson. The opening scene of pure ridiculousness seemed promising, and then, their characters...Just jumped off a fucking building.
Let me rephrase that, they yelled "aim for those bushes" and that splatted on the sidewalk because THERE WERE NO FUCKING BUSHES. How in the name of fuck is that considered comedy? I could understand if there actually were bushes and they overshot it or something, but no! Not a single damn thing! This trend of not having actual jokes, be it setups, punchlines, or both, for the remainder of the film, including Mark Wahlberg (who I'd was only gave a legitimately good performance in maybe The Departed) whining like a little bitch about wanting to get back on the street and Will Ferrell...Well, I don't know what the fuck he's doing here either. He's not as monotonous as he is in his roles like Ron Burgundy or any of his other cocksure, "best at what I do and I know it" asshole types (the only one of which I enjoyed was Talladega Nights), but the film reaches its zenith of stupidity in the scene where his ridiculously hot wife (played by an undeserving of such treatment Eva Mendes) is repeatedly insulted by Will Ferrell's character about how ugly and fat (I forget if he insults her intelligence too) she is. Again, there are probably ways to make a gag like this work, but Adam McKay has no fucking idea what this is, and mostly just makes Ferrell look like an irredeemable prick while Wahlberg continues to act like a goddamned child, this time basically doing everything but humping Mendes' leg.
In the rest of the movie, such actors as Steve Coogan and Michael Keaton are wasted entirely, (with extra credit going to Keaton for actually pulling one of the two laughs I had at the whole ordeal inside of a Bed, Bath, and Beyond, the other joke being a throwaway joke from Damon Wayans Jr. about a Prius and Ralph Nader), while The Other Guys keep doing everything possible to keep this from being the opposite of how to do a cop comedy right (Hot Fuzz comes to mind), fucking up everything right down to the final scene.
This movie makes Cop Out look like Dogma. That's how I'm going to leave it. It's a shame I put more effort into this review than anyone did into the script.
Also, as a bit of a postscript, it's very rare that I thoroughly despise a movie, finding no redeeming value whatsoever therein, but I figured I might as well spew some vitriol every once in a while. If I every get around to Funny Games, this review is going to look like roses in comparison