The opening credits feature an interesting story idea. The rest of the film doesn't. So, I recommend you watch the first two minutes, then for the remaining eighty eight, close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears and imagine your own film. I did and it was brilliant. There were aliens, undersea mermaid battles, my inauguration as president of the world and some rather saucy moments between Kate Beckingsale and myself which took up a good portion of the running time.
So, in conclusion, my version of the film gets five stars with quotations like "a triumph" on the poster, whereas the real film gets... Sorry, I was just thinking of my scenes with Kate Beckingsale again, what was I meant to be talking about?