I don't like sport. Particularly football. But, I do tend to enjoy sporting films.
Unfortunately, Escape to Victory made me realise that I find dramatised football as uninteresting as the real thing. So, after a very enjoyable set-up, I found myself completely disengaged from the third act's climactic football match.
On the plus side, my mind wandered enough that I was able to think of this fantastic joke, that you can share with your friends:
What do Sylvester Stallone and Michael Caine have in common?
One's American and one's a merry Caine.
Oh great, look, the World Cup's on...
Oh, here's one...
Apparently this snowbound thriller is also known as Eye See You. So, get this...
Eye See thrills!
Get it? It's like saying "icy thrills!" Cause the film's a thriller and it's all snowy and stuff. But that's not all. There's even a double meaning, 'cause it's like you're saying you can see the thrills.
You can even do it like this:
I See Thrills.
And it sounds the same!
They could even put that on the DVD…
"I knew you'd say that."
"...you'd say that."
Look at that phrase. Look at it. Why is it continually coming from the mouth of Judge Dredd? Judge Dredd. Judge, jury and executioner. The most feared and respected lawman of the future. So, why his he speaking like the sassy best friend in a 90s rom-com?
This film isn't the complete failure that I remembered. I feel there's a decent adaptation in here somewhere,…
I've discovered that if you watch enough Stallone films in quick succession (say, 18 and beyond), you begin to develop quite an affection towards him. So, I'm at a point where I'm granting him a certain leniency where I'd probably be more critical of other actors. This means that, although this is a distinctly average film, one that isn't all that exciting or even all that funny, my Stallone crush has given it an extra level of charm that's allowing…
On paper Rocky Balboa is a film that shouldn't have worked. An older, washed-up Balboa getting back in the ring again seemed like a terrible idea. Rocky was finished and by all accounts so was Stallone. One was last seen fighting in an alley and the other was fighting Spy Kids.
Seemingly Stallone had squandered the promise afforded to him in the wake of his Cop Land performance. But this is the key to the film's success. Once again Stallone…
Rocky Junior ages about ten years between film IV and V. That would either imply that they thought "continuity be damned" when prepping this film, or that Rocky Senior loved Russia so much he stayed there for a decade. The fact that he still bears the bruises from the Drago fight would suggest it's the former, but I like to believe it's the latter and Ivan Drago really does pack that powerful a punch. Further evidence for this theory is…