I'm gonna start reviewing movies I've already done because I think all my old ones are shit. Except for the Mars Attacks one. That's still getting likes now. It got one Monday. Sixty-three hearts for eight words. Lessons.
I can't fuckin' stand this movie. Shia LeBouf hates everyone, and I don't just mean in real life although that probably helped him. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley has this look on her face at all times that's going "Would somebody please just fuckin' DIRECT…
This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
I grew up in a house full of sharps bins, those big yellow buckets you see around hospitals that have used needles and syringes and other horrible stuff dumped in 'em. I was told from early on not to put me hands anywhere inside 'em. I still think of 'em the way people think about acid.
In this, there's a scene where a woman, I don't know her name, I don't know ANY of their names, I recognise one of…
For the first fifteen minutes it's unwatchable. I mean properly. It's almost like some sort of endurance test. "Think you're tough, do you? Think you're HARD? BAM, THE MOST ANNOYING OPENING TO A MOVIE, EVER." It's just a barrage of bleating and overly-cute camera work and annoying, annoying, ANNOYING characters. I was this close to turning it off. I had the remote in my hand at least twice.
But then something happens. It's hard to describe. It's like the movie…