Mary Conti’s review published on Letterboxd:
No film takes a giant shit on its source material like Zach Snyder’s Watchmen. Not even Daredevil completely disrespects its comic book origins as much as Watchmen does.
In this review, I plan to go over where the film simply fails as an adaptation, and therefore as a film itself. I can’t go over everything, as that would take too much time. Instead, I’ll go over the major points that bother me.
Introduction:
I was an impressionable teenager when I read Watchmen back in 2002. Back then, it absolutely blew me away. I took my time over several years to dissect everything about it and just what exactly made it work.
Well what made Watchmen work? Well, it managed to be a lot of things by telling a really great story at the same time. In the process of making a meta commentary on comic book superheroes (and the comic book format itself), Alan Moore also managed to include political and social commentaries, as well as some philosophical dilemnas. It’s a graphic novel that pretty much changed the industry (for better or for worse).
One would think that it would be incredibly simple to adapt this to a film, but the long history of Watchmen being stuck in production hell shows otherwise. Many famous directors came and went, all in the end declaring the graphic novel to be “unfilmable.” They were both very right and very wrong.
The biggest issue I have with Zach Snyder’s adaptation is that it is intellectual counterfeit, meaning that none of what made the graphic novel so great is present here. It’s all visual flair made to distract people by going “Doesn’t this look just like the book?” Yes, Zach, it does. But it does not in any way resemble it.
What does the film get right?
Before this gets any more nasty, I would like to point out some things that Watchmen *does* happen to get right. The best thing it has are the performances from 4 of the 6 actors. Jackie Earle Haley, as always, is a fantastic actor, and he is absolutely perfect as Rorschach. He has the look and physicality down to a tee. Though Billy Crudup spends the majority of the film as a naked CGI man, his motion capture (and overall voice) performance as Dr. Manhattan is probably the most subtle thing about the film. Jeffrey Dean Morgan is also great and believable as the haunted and demented Comedian, and although he does not have much to work with, Patrick Wilson is very good as Nite Owl.
And despite my gripes here with Snyder’s emphasis on visuals over substance, the film looks great. In fact, my only problem is the fact that Snyder can’t stop turning up the slo-mo.
Finally, and probably the only brilliant thing Snyder brought to the film, is the opening credits sequence. It really helps set up this universe and its history in under 5 minutes without being too expository. The use of Bob Dylan is brilliant. I have a hard time believing Snyder had anything to do with this. It almost belongs in a different film.
And that’s it.
Why this film should not exist.
The biggest issue here is that it is hard to fit 12 issues into a 2.5 hour film, especially considering there really isn’t a panel in the graphic novel that is pointless. If you cut one out, chances are there’s a whole other page that needs to get cut, and then another one that’s probably in a different chapter. Even the film’s ultimate cut doesn’t do much to add more of the necessary scenes and moments. While it is a minor improvement on the theatrical cut, it’s not that big of a jump, or even worth it to be honest. In fact, there’s an added scene that was great in the graphic novel, but Snyder manages to turn that into something so incredibly stupid, it goes from poignant into laughable.
My second issues ultimately harkens back to the graphic novel. The graphic novel is very specific to its own medium. In order for the film to stand out, it would really need to change a lot about itself to be a commentary on superhero films in general, but Snyder’s Watchmen does not do this. The film’s history was forever stuck in the worst adaptation dilemma ever. It could either stay faithful and appease the nerds, but at the same time it would miss the point entirely, or it could brilliantly change things up and create something new out of the source material, but in the end piss off nerd purists.
But believe or not, Pixar’s The Incredibles takes the same premise as Watchmen, does something different, and manages to keep that commentary in there! The Incredibles is a better Watchmen adaptation than Snyder’s!
But I digress, that’s harder to do in the system that Snyder works in, so I guess it is a feasible idea that we can drop the meta commentary and just faithfully adapt the rest. The problem is that he also manages to leave the rest of the subtext out at the same time!
Where this film is supposedly faithful but really isn’t.
I’m really confused as to why Snyder didn’t choose to change the political climate to something more modern. While it might have taken more work to reestablish the new universe’s alternate history, it’s nothing that couldn’t have been done over the weekend. By doing this, Snyder could have kept the political commentary both relevant AND present in the story, without having to show so much of the political climate. A 9/11 scenario is entirely feasible, and the easiest political metaphor in the world to pull off.
But this doesn’t happen here. While the graphic novel kept up with its (at the time) relevant Cold War politics, it also managed incorporate it into the story. But that doesn’t happen here. In fact, if you blinked for a second, you’d miss just cursory it really is here. It almost serves no point. It’s nonexistent. That makes part of the point here kind of worthless.
Another “faithful” part that is complete bullshit is the inclusion of background characters, like the two Bernie’s, or Rorschach’s prison psychiatrist. In the graphic novel, these side characters are seemingly peripheral to the story, but are absolutely integral. They are given their own histories and personalities, so that when they eventually meet their unfortunate demise, you actually feel hurt that these are people that have been killed for Ozymandias’ plan. By having Snyder turn them into characterless faces, they have now become meaningless collateral damage, and as a result, any dramatic weight is lost. How am I supposed to be conflicted by Ozy’s plan if I don’t care about anyone that dies?
Finally, I have an issue with how certain scenes play out. I’d like to focus on Dr. Manhattan’s origin scene.
On a surface level, this scene is great, and I initially had no problem with it until I realized just how much the film forgot when making the scene. First of all, where’s Manhattan’s issue with living things out all at the same time? I understand this concept is hard to convey, but this is where editing and Manhattan’s voiceover is supposed to help. Remember, the audience isn’t stupid. Give them enough context clues, and they can figure it out.
Another thing this sequence misses is the idea of Determinism. Determinism suggests that everything in the universe is set up like a clock, and every event is pre determined.
This is another big factor here in the story too. By not addressing this directly in Manhattan’s origin story, you open yourself to way too many plot holes in the story. By addressing that Manhattan is living out all of time at once and can’t do shit to change anything in it, you automatically close those plot holes. As the film stands, it just makes him look like a dick. Also, by taking away the idea that Jon was always meant to become Manhattan due to seemingly minor circumstances, you take away the dramatic weight of the scene, and thus this is just filler in the film!
That’s just one of the many scenes that are not played out correctly. Another is Nite Owl’s dream, missing his latent sexuality, superhero fantasy, and prophetic dream. There is also Rorschach’s origin story which gets the entire character wrong, but more on that later.
Stupid Things That ACTUALLY HAPPEN
First, the sex scene! But everyone else has already tackled just how dumb this scene is, so thankfully I don’t need to.
The next stupid thing that happens is a rather consistent factor: the fight scenes. The rules and physics for the universe are never set up. It seems to be that these heroes are superhuman and can take on anyone. In fact, the only time they seem to have any issue is when they fight each other. The fighting is way too stylized. They should be more brutal. These are regular people in masks, not superpowered humans.
Later on in the film, we get a scene where Rorschach brutally murders a child molester by taking a meat cleaver and repeatedly shoving into his head. It’s a completely different scene from the graphic novel where he ties the guy up, lights his house on fire, and gives him the option to either cut his hands off so he can live, or perish in the fire. Rorschach then goes outside and watches the house burn down while staring in complete silence. It’s a completely disturbing sequence that perfectly establishes his punisher like mentality, and just how brutal and insane he really is. In the film, he’s just another laughable vigilante. There’s nothing unsettling about what he does. In fact, it is completely inconsistent with his established character!
Jumping back to the opening scene, we have the opening sequence where Ozy throws the Comedian out of the window. I was initially a fan of this scene, as it really helps start off the film by establishing the tone and the plot. The music selection is key to this, and it’s great. EXCEPT the fight scene. Why is this a problem? Because of the way it is filmed. From this scene we can discern two things:
1. The perp is someone that can clearly take on the Comedian.
2. He is tall, fit, and clearly male.
From mere guessing, we can just tell that it’s Ozymandias. No one else fits the bill. This shouldn’t be the case. A better way to fix this scene would be to pull out of the apartment as the fight sceen happens off screen, and have it culminate with Comedian getting thrown out of the window. You can then later show this fight scene after Ozymandias’ reveal, and now the fight has dramatic weight!
Fast Forwarding again to a scene that is only included in the Ultimate Cut, and it is by far the dumbest scene, and I’m glad it was cut out of the Theatrical Cut: The Death of Hollis Mason. In the film, we watch as he bravely fights the gang infiltrating his apartment until he is sadly outnumbered and then beaten to death. In the graphic novel, he is merely beaten to death because he is an old man that can not defend himself, and this ultimately shows that the masked vigilantes are ultimately mortal and their deaths aren’t always glorious. It also establishes the gang’s propensity for immoral acts, and helps bring another side to the debate on Ozy’s plan.
But by far the most rage inducing thing that happens is Silk Spectre saying the absolute most important line in the entire story, and the character that needs to hear it is NOWHERE IN SIGHT. Snyder has her say it to Nite Owl for absolutely no reason. In the Graphic Novel, when Ozymandias hears from Doctor Manhattan that “Nothing ever ends”, it is meant to instill doubt in the character. It is a critical moment where Ozy begins to show a little bit of fear and regret from his plan. To not have him hear these words from a guy who can see all of time is stupid. Why include the line at all if you’re going to fuck it up?
The two worst actors
Malin Akerman and Matthew Goode are the two weak links in the cast, and I don’t know if I should blame Snyder for their performances, or if these actors really suck just that much.
People excuse Akerman saying that Silk Spectre isn’t that important of a character anyways. Did these people forget the fact that its her humanity that convinces Dr. Manhattan to return to Earth? Or how about how she’s a pretty strong feminist character to boot? There is no excuse for her poor acting here. They could have done better.
But Matthew Goode is the worst because he is just plain miscast. I don’t know why Snyder was convinced otherwise, but Adrian Veidt is a not a young man who is constantly brooding and practically screaming “LOOK AT ME! I’M THE VILLAIN!” On the contrary, he’s an older gentleman who is very compassionate and is just as much the nicest man on Earth as he is the smartest man. The reason it worked in the graphic novel is because Ozy’s reveal is actually shocking, and even the reader feels betrayed. In the film, the reveal is neither surprising nor hurtful. You have to try hard to give a damn. All the drama is gone! The character is reduced to a caricature. That is completely the opposite point that the graphic novel was trying to make!
The Squid Versus the Blue
I saved this part for last because it is the biggest change from the graphic novel, and many have said that it is a change for the better. As most people know by now, the film version has Manhattan helping Veidt build energy sources that are secretly bombs that are then sent off to multiple cities and kill a lot of civilians.
The main reason people think this is better is because it’s a more realistic outcome than a squid alien. That claim is bullshit. There are multiple reasons this plan does not work.
1. It is not the perfect plan
When we first see Dr. Manhattan, he is working on the project with Veidt from a government base. This means that any of the many people that pass through to Manhattan can see him working on something that will eventually lead to resemble the bombs. How does Ozy not know that any of the government agents guarding Manhattan might be a spy?
Remember, this plan needs to be absolutely perfect from all angles. Nobody can really be blamed, and there can be no traces left behind. As it stands, Manhattan is U.S. Property, and all it takes is one conspiracy nut to start points fingers, and the whole idea of the plan falls apart.
The squid is genius because as far as anyone is concerned, no one can be blamed for it. As far as everyone is concerned, it’s an alien from outer space that sent images into their nightmares that there are other benevolent forces out there that can harm them, and unless the stand strong united together, they will fall.
2. If a squid can’t exist, then why is Bubastis there?
The whole reason Bubastis exists is because Manhattan’s existence furthered research in genetic engineering. This allows Ozy to create the squid. So if we’re not going to have a squid, why is Bubastis inexplicably here?
3. How the fuck isn’t a squid cinematic?
Seriously, why can’t I have my fucking squid? Because it’s unfilmables? There are plenty of films that have shown crazier shit, and pulled it off.
Even then, the trailers for Watchmen have Snyder labeled as a “visionary” director. This would mean that Snyder has no excuse for not coming up with a way to show the alien. Surely a “visionary” director could come up with something different that’s still an alien. Hell, Snyder, you already made me believe in an 8 foot tall gay man.
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There really is no excuse not to have the alien squid. In fact, there’s an even greater jump in logic by not having it.
Final Thoughts
So that’s all I have the time or will to bring up, and there’s still a lot I have problems with. But what do I think should have been done to fix the film? The way I see it, there were only ever three options for the film to be made, and Snyder followed none of them:
1. Do the film as a 12 part miniseries and faithfully adapt everything correctly.
2. Come up with something completely different, but keep the basic premise.
3. Never make the film.
With all things considered, I’d rather have option 3 than the film as it stands.