Contraband 2012 ½

I don't go in to a Mark Wahlberg film with high expectations often, and this certainly wasn't one of the exceptions, but I may struggle to describe how this Gone in 60 Seconds remake manages to plumb the depths of cinema.
Yes, I did say Gone in 60 Seconds remake, and yes, you're probably saying, but there's no fancy cars in this, right? No, there aren't, the fun bit of Gone in 60 Seconds has been removed and replaced by Marky Marky getting into misadventures trying to smuggle things around a ship, but see if the rest of the plot sounds familiar.
Mark is an ex-smuggler, the best there ever was who got out of the game and went straight. After his wayward younger brother (in-law) takes on a smuggling job that goes sideways, leaving a big bad kingpin short on his delivery, Mark just has to get back in the game and get his old crew together to do one last big score to pay off the debt and save his brother's life. The cops playing cat and mouse are replaced by a ship's captain who knows exactly what Mark is up to and is desperate to catch him in the act, and the fun (60 Seconds is at least a Bruckheimer-slick piece of crap) is replaced by incredible tedium as everyone seems to think they're being hugely dramatic in a film much more worthy than this could ever be.
The bizarre thing is the credits reveal it's a remake of a 2008 film called Reykjavik-Rotterdam, and this sounds like a relatively faithful remake from the synopsis. I guess it isn't the most original plot in the world, and if I searched my brain I could come up with many previous examples, and the dumb Hollywood aspect just made 60 Seconds spring to mind, but really, if you're coming off second best to Gone in 60 Seconds you really need to find a quiet place to think about your career.

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