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  • Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

    Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

    Harry Potter's Jumanji just without Harry Potter, Robin Williams, an audience surrogate, characters looking at real objects in the frame, characters touching real objects in the frame, or characters acting like human beings inside the frame.

    This was a Complete. Waste. Of. Time. Just one more airless blockbuster to nail up to the 2016 Hall of Shame. A slippery, slippery slope of CG shenanigans masquerading as popular entertainment. I wouldn't have ever thought it until now, but Jupiter Ascending is twice the film this is.

  • Patriot Games

    Patriot Games

    ★★½

    Harrison Ford did not give Sean Bean a sassy sayonara zinger as he yanks his collar in defiance before jumping off the boat and letting him burst into flames. "Get off my boat" would have passed the criteria, even though Ford is the one bailing the boat, but not even that. 2.25/5.

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  • Die Hard

    Die Hard

    ★★★★★

    A simple fact: action movies have been neutered, half-baked, half-written and served cold for children with Attention Deficit Disorder. Die Hard has aged into a lost art. It has a wholly original, unpredictable screenplay, crisp with sharp dialogue matched with badass line delivery through the mouths of believable human characters (This sentence alone cannot be attributed to a single modern action film). There is a tight plot that gradually escalates, accumulating ZERO gaps in logic equaling to not a single…

  • True Grit

    True Grit

    ★★★★★

    "Time just gets away from us."

    Only the Coens. The most authentic western in modern memory, only the Coens could accomplish what they do here and they warrant rewatchability to spare. For one, the Coens are masters of language. Always have been, always will be. The way they go about capturing the Old West linguistics and dialects and transplant them into unique and unusual accents of characters is an absolute treat to experience and in the process, transplants the viewer…