I spent about three-fourths of this movie wondering about such questions as whether orcs wear underwear (I'm pretty sure I saw a thong on one), how hairy Hobbit feet are (on a scale of 1 to Sean Connery's chest), and what dwarves do when they really, really have to go to the bathroom in the middle of a battle (taking off all that armor has got to be a lot more time-consuming than just zipping down your fly). Also, I…
One of those rare cinematic curiosities where you can tell instantly how old someone was when they first saw the film based upon their reaction to it today.
It goes like this: almost without exception, those who first saw Hook as an adult will—by virtue of being a horrible grown-up—completely and utterly loathe the film, detesting everything it represents about cinema today. They will deride Hook as bloated and indulgent; treacly Spielbergian sentimentality run amuck; and, worst of all—*gasp*—totally made-up,…
Ah, summer... *BUILDING SMASH*
There's noth-*COLLAPSING TOWER*-ing like the *CAR HURLING TOWARD US* good old *ENTIRE SKYSCRAPER FLOOR WIPED OUT* Hollywood *BAD GUYS DECIMATES 7-ELEVEN* summer *MASSIVE GAS-FUELED FIRE ERUPTION* blockbuster *EXPLOSION* treatment *EVEN BIGGER EXPLOSION* to make you apprec-*FALLING BUILDING WAY TOO CLOSE TO OUR HERO'S GIRLFRIEND FOR COMFORT*-iate a fant-*FIREBALL*-astic *CAR SMASH* story *EXPLOSION* like *MINI-EXPLOSION* Super-*HERO SAVES INNOCENT BYSTANDER JUST IN TIME*-man. It's great, *HERO THROWN THROUGH THREE BUILDINGS* isn't it?
*FIERY EXPLOSION* *FLAMING INFERO* *BIG CHUNKS…