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  • Marauders

    Marauders 2016

    ★½ Watched 30 Jun, 2016 1

    Bruce Willis has been “too old for this shit” since he starred in “Die Hard” when he was 33. Steely-eyed apathy has always been his brand — he’s not giving a great performance unless it feels like he and his titanic hangover would rather be literally anywhere else on Earth. He’s not Bruce Willis because he looked like a badass when he was killing his rapist with a samurai sword in “Pulp Fiction,” he’s Bruce Willis because he pulled it…

  • The Legend of Tarzan

    The Legend of Tarzan 2016

    ★½ Watched 29 Jun, 2016 2

    “No one ever started with less.” The only interesting detail about the phenomenally uninteresting hero of “The Legend of Tarzan” is a stray observation that “No one ever started with less.” On the contrary: The film completely glosses over its namesake’s evolution from poop-flinging jungle hunk to tea-stirring British Lord. Separately, that throwaway line is vaguely applicable to the film itself. Whereas upcoming tentpoles like “Suicide Squad” and “Jason Bourne” will enjoy the momentum afforded to them by their respective…

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  • Carol

    Carol 2015

    ★★★★★ Watched 27 Aug, 2015 19

    probably as close as I'll ever come to knowing what it feels like to find Jesus.

    ---------------------------------

    UPDATE: i found jesus. Carol was better.


    (longer thoughts in the fall, no doubt)

  • Deadpool

    Deadpool 2016

    ★½ Watched 07 Feb, 2016 103

    not a parody, just a cheap superhero movie that ceaselessly reminds you it knows how lazy & stupid it is.

    you can't afford to make a pure superhero subversion, because it has to cost $$$ in order to look the part. but Deadpool also had to be super inexpensive in order to finance a hard-R movie about a juvenile 4th-rate superhero with a tangential relationship to the X-Men... so it's like a 7-10 split and the film throws the ball straight…