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  • The Autopsy of Jane Doe

    The Autopsy of Jane Doe

    ★★½

    Would've worked better as a Halloween episode of Quincy.

  • Elle

    Elle

    ★★★★★

    I think it's very safe to say that Paul Verhoeven has not mellowed with age.

  • Our Kind of Traitor

    Our Kind of Traitor

    ★★★½

    Solid, unassuming adaptation of a solid, unassuming le Carré novel which tones down the bitter cynicism of the source material.

  • Jason Bourne

    Jason Bourne

    ★★

    BOURNE BREAKS THE ARM OFF OF A SLOT MACHINE AND DOESN'T BEAT A SINGLE PERSON WITH IT.

  • Millions

    Millions

    ★★★★

    Given that it's the same stumbled-upon-stolen-money plot as Shallow Grave, it's a shame they didn't throw in a homage where the kids put a toy power drill into someone's forehead.

  • A Life Less Ordinary

    A Life Less Ordinary

    ★★★★

    A movie so ahead of its time that there will never actually be a time when it makes sense to anyone but Danny Boyle. It's an unfiltered look into his thought process which somehow sees bloody gunfights, metaphorical game shows, musical numbers and a claymation Maury Chaykin as rational ideas which can coexist together. This is a romantic comedy in which, within the first 15 minutes, the two romantic leads have both shot someone. It is a cult classic too strange to even have a cult form around it.

  • Shallow Grave

    Shallow Grave

    ★★★★½

    "If it sounds like I'm being killed, call the police."

  • The Beach

    The Beach

    ★★½

    DiCaprio envisioning himself as a video game character which is soundtracked by Blur's "On Your Own" is the only sequence worthy of the Boyle highlight reel.

  • Zoolander 2

    Zoolander 2

    Four credited writers to come up with a Susan Boyle cameo.

  • Trance

    Trance

    ★★★

    WHAT

  • Trainspotting

    Trainspotting

    ★★★★★

    "Well, at one time, you've got it, and then you lose it, and it's gone forever. All walks of life. George Best, for example. Had it, lost it. Or David Bowie or Lou Reed...All I'm trying to do is help you understand that 'The Name of The Rose' is merely a blip on an otherwise uninterrupted downward trajectory."

    One can only hope that Trainspotting 2 will be a clever revisitation of Sick Boy's unifying theory of life and not just a confirmation of its central idea.

  • The Neon Demon

    The Neon Demon

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Beauty is in the eye is in the stomach of the beholder.