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  • Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer 2007

    ½ Watched 15 Apr, 2014

    What a load of malarkey.

  • Captain America: The Winter Soldier 2014

    ★★ Watched 10 Apr, 2014

    This review reportedly contains spoilers. I can handle the truth.

  • The Monuments Men 2014

    ★½ Watched 05 Apr, 2014

    They don't make 'em like this anymore!

    Thank god.

  • Scary Movie 5 2013

    Watched 04 Apr, 2014

    I kinda liked Scary Movie 3 and 4 so a one-star review of this from me is probably more like -8 or -9 by normal standards.

  • Grown Ups 2 2013

    ★★★ Watched 22 Mar, 2014

    It's like a sprawling character-based Altman epic with dozens of separate plot threads carefully intertwining over the last day of summer in a quaint Connecticut town.

    It's also really, really, really stupid. I laughed a lot.

    It also has -- bar none -- the most expansive cast of past and present SNLers ever put to film. Your jaw will drop when even Ellen Cleghorne pops up to make an appearance.


    His wife appears in it and Adam Sandler is his…

  • Iron Man 3 2013

    ★★★★★ Rewatched 20 Mar, 2014

    Kiss Kiss Bang Bang's spiritual successor is another Christmas-set noir except this one adds robots, explosions and -- in the biggest change of all -- Miguel Ferrer instead of Corbin Bernsen.

  • 300: Rise of an Empire 2014

    ★½ Watched 14 Mar, 2014

    Someone accidentally sent a Starz pilot to 3,000 theaters.

  • Red Dawn 2012

    ½ Watched 07 Feb, 2014

    John Milius is rolling in the grave he sleeps in to hide from the Government.

  • Captain Phillips 2013

    ★★★★ Watched 27 Jan, 2014 1

    There are two reasons Tom Hanks should've gotten a Best Actor nomination from the Oscars for this:

    1. He's really, really good in it.

    2. He would've shared the category with Bruce Dern and it probably would've the closest the Academy has ever come to acknowledging the greatness of The 'Burbs.

  • The Lone Ranger 2013

    ★★★★½ Watched 20 Jan, 2014

    If The Lone Ranger is Gore Verbinski's last hurrah as a blockbuster filmmaker -- and, given its monumental failure on nearly every commercial and critical level, that's a strong possibility -- then thank god he's bowing out with what could very well be his defining batshit insane masterpiece.

    This is as singular a vision as a 200-million dollar budget blockbuster can get; there's no designed-by-committee feeling here, no lingering traces of tampering from Disney executives worried about the material. He's…

  • Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit 2014

    ★★½ Watched 17 Jan, 2014 2

    Kenneth Branagh is the best Bond villain in years as a slimy Russian with yellow cirrhosis-y skin who spends most of the movie dramatically pulling off black leather gloves and jamming light bulbs into people's mouths.

    I don't remember anything else about the rest of the movie. I think there were a couple of car chases. It's only 105 minutes long though which instantly makes it more tolerable than most of the blockbusters from 2013.

  • All Is Lost 2013

    ★★★★ Watched 11 Jan, 2014

    I DON'T OWN ENOUGH SEXTANTS.