RSS feed for Eli
  • Man of Steel 2013

    Watched 24 Jan, 2015 1

    "What if we took the name Superman, but then made a completely different movie?"
    "You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention."
    "Okay, and now any action sequence will be 100% sloppy CGI!"
    "Brilliant, just brilliant! Here's $500 million. Oh by the way we're not going with "Superman" anymore, it's too mainstream."

  • Cleanskin 2012

    ★★★ Watched 23 Jan, 2015

    Even terrorists find Mr. Bean hilarious.

  • Star Trek: Nemesis 2002

    ★★½ Added

    Easily the worst of the Star Trek movies. It had all the cast, and a Star Trekesque storyline, but there was no heart and soul here. Speaking of no heart and soul, fortunately they never made another Star Trek movie after this. Ever.

  • Dark Skies 2013

    ★★★½ Watched 18 Jan, 2015

    I'm glad I didn't really read up on this before I watched it. It was on Netflix Instant and it had Keri Russell in it, and that seemed like a good enough reason to give it a try. It started out like a run of the mill haunting story, but took a serious turn for the sci-fi. That made it stand out from the crowd for me. It was pretty spooky to begin with, but then it just kept getting creepier and creepier. The film makes for a great late-night watch.

  • Chocolate 2008

    ★★★½ Watched 18 Jan, 2015

    This was a pretty awesome movie about a woman with autism who goes on a quest of kicking ass across the city. She's like Rain Man, but with her feet! The fights reminded me a lot of Jackie Chan fights. There was a perfect mix of action and comedy in them as I was wincing as much as I was laughing. It was fairly light on plot, but still still worth a watch.
    Bonus points for Thai ladyboy hooker/assassins.

  • Cyberbully 2015

    ★★½ Watched 17 Jan, 2015 2

    I wish they had phones on Game of Thrones just so we could have a scene of Arya calling Sansa and greeting her with "Hey bitch!?"

    I enjoyed the claustrophobia of the girl alone in her room, not being able to escape her computer. It sort of reminded me of Secret Honor in that sense of a single character never leaving her room for the entire film. It was enjoyable enough and a good cautionary tale, but ultimately there were…

  • Tusk 2014

    Watched 14 Jan, 2015

  • Sabotage 2014

    Watched 10 Jan, 2015

    This review reportedly contains spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck pussy fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

  • TalhotBlond 2012

    ★½ Watched 07 Jan, 2015

    This was horrendous. I knew it was a tv movie, but I recently watched the documentary of this story also titled Talhotblond. The story was disjointed and knowing the story beforehand, I felt they left quite a bit out that would have given more understanding to all parties' actions. I enjoyed Garret Dillahunt, but Laura San Giacomo really stood out here. They were really the only reason to watch this and I was quite disappointed in Courteney Cox's direction.
    All in all I'd say skip this movie and watch the documentary instead. It's much more interesting and even presented in a more entertaining style.

  • The Interview 2014

    ★★★½ Watched 04 Jan, 2015

    This movie felt like a live action Beavis and Butthead Do America. The two main characters are obnoxiously self centered and fumble their way around. They succeed in even simple tasks by pure dumb luck. It was fun and stupid just like I expected, and I enjoyed the heck out of it.
    Also, I think I'm now officially in love with Diana Bang.

  • Paper Heart 2009

    ★★★ Watched 04 Jan, 2015

    A movie where Michael Cera literally plays himself. Charlyne Yi is completely adorable in this. The documentary style filmmaking was interesting at parts, but ended up getting in the way of a better story by the end. It's still worth a watch and I enjoyed the paper doll story tellings.

  • The Sound of Music 1965

    ★★★★ Watched 03 Jan, 2015

    "In a musical, nothing dreadful ever happens..."