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X-Men: First Class 2011
Guys. Guys. Guys. Do you know how many sexy this movie has? It as NINE sexies!*. I'm an X-Men nerd so I knew I was gonna like this anyways, but I did NOT expect such delicious style. But I DEFINITELY expected January Jones to be terrible. Spoiler alert: she is so terrible you will never ever feel guilty about farting at a presidential dinner ever. Watch this if you like long bromances on the beach, credit sequences that are so…
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The Dark Knight Rises 2012
NO BUT SERIOUS - what is the point of reviewing this when you are literally exploding right now from watching it? I CAN'T HELP YOU? I can't stop you from detonating??? OK FINE - LET'S TRY - LET'S GET SERIOUS: So Catwoman was a baddass bitch who was not apologising for it, AND YOU DEALT WITH IT, I COULDN'T - BUT GOOD FOR YOU. But like, how did you deal with the ending???? Are you OKAY? I'm not! I'm still…
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Bridesmaids 2011
LOOK AT THESE REVIEWS??? MEN MEN MEN MEN MANLY MEN MEN. GTFO, I cannot fathom sitting in the same room as someone who did not like this movie. There was a guy at work who shrugged and said 'meh' when I questioned him. I lowered my knife, and thought "what is WRONG with you???" and "how am I going to continue with this business, knowing that you are one of my colleagues???". I quit there and then, after slamming my…
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Party Girl 1995
What is one of the BEST drugged out performances you've ever seen in you're LIFE? Apart from Keanu Reeves in 'Dracula' (Pronounced 'Drah-ku-lah' while squinting). PARKER POSEY ON 'E'. Also just Parker Posey acting like a faggot throughout. The fact that no-one in 2011 acts and dresses like she did in this movie seriously makes me want to burn things. Join my suicide cult at everyonewillseethelight.blogspot.com/byo-hood/
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Transformers: Dark of the Moon 2011
FULL DISCLOSURE: I am a Transformers slut. Or as my friends lovingly have nicknamed me: 'Stupid Tranny'. Haha, cos Tranny is short for 'Transformers'? It's really hard for me to give this a star rating, not because I have bloody stumps where my hands should be, but because I both loved this movie, and thought it was utter, utter fucking shit. I think it's really sad that people let Michael Bay be the character that is 'Michael Bay'. But like,…
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Batman Returns 1992
Fuck people who try to say their favourite movie is 'Citizen Kane' or 'Casablanca' or some shit. Technically speaking, your favourite movie is the film you've seen the MOST number of times. You are an asshole if you try to say you've seen 'Citizen Kane' 112 times. You will get no dicks sucked. Batman Returns is THAT movie for me. I saw it at the cinema with my parents and fucking DIED. How the hell does anything get more Burton…
