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  • Warcraft

    Warcraft

    ★★½

    Half the time I’m bored by the preponderance of bros in this big studio fantasy blockbuster. Half the time I’m surprised the story doesn’t go exactly where I’d assume a bro-filled, big studio fantasy blockbuster would go. And five-eighteenths of the time, I'm furrowing my brow at the incomprehensible lore. It’s a mess, but it’s not altogether the usual mess. So that’s something.

    Note: My rating is based on averaging the surprise 5-star movie it might have been with the 0-star movie it was fated to be.

    Also note: I'm not good at math.

  • The Commitments

    The Commitments

    ★★★½

    I like that no one’s out to save the town in this. They’re just getting a band together, having a bit of fun, and escaping from their shitty lives for a little while.

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  • X-Men Origins: Wolverine

    X-Men Origins: Wolverine

    A movie featuring a team of mutant super-assassins hunting down Wolverine … And it sucks? Nice job, assfaces.

  • Superman

    Superman

    ★★★★★

    Christopher Reeve, goddammit.

    Also, I actually appreciate the preposterous ending more as I get older. (Maybe as much as I enjoyed it when I was a kid.) It's not sci-fi, it's myth.