Alone in the Dark
Synopsis
Can mankind defeat the army of darkness unleashed by an ancient evil cult?
Edward Carnby is a private investigator specializing in unexplainable supernatural phenomena. His cases delve into the dark corners of the world, searching for truth in the occult remnants of ancient civilizations. Now, the greatest mystery of his past is about to become the most dangerous case he has ever faced.
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Part of the "March Movie Madness" challenge.
Tara Reid, why you so bad actress?!
It's not that it's poorly written and badly executed, it's just that.... no wait, that's exactly it.
I couldn't get myself to care about anything in this film. Just like the entire cast couldn't be arsed to give a flying fuck.
"The world as we know it is coming to an end!"
Whatever.
"We might all die!"
It's bound to happen sooner or later.
"The darkness is here!"
Duly noted.
"Run!"
Nah, I'm good.
Sometimes it's clear when actors struggle with a lame script, but it's so obvious that they already gave up the moment they read the piece of paper. The one with coloured ink spots and damp leftovers from the fingerpaint the 4 year-old writer used to form his 6 worded script "M-0-n-st-er B-a-d I D-a-K. T-ea-r-A R-eeee-e-d B-o-o-bies" -
“What the hell's going on here?”
-Edward Carnby (Christian Slater)
(You know Edward, I was wondering the exact same thing on numerous occasions.)Ahhhhhhhhhhhhaaahaahahahahaaha *Oh my God* hahahahahahahaha phew. Ha-ha… ha…urrghhhhh…
So I saw this was streaming on Netflix today. And yes, I watched it. I’ve even seen it before, ages ago. Why did I watch it again? Why? Why?! That's like asking why Uwe Boll made this film. Why he was allowed to make this film. There is no logical explanation!
Even fans of the original game it’s based upon are going to resent this with an unholy passion. I’ve actually played the game, and it’s pretty bad. Not to the level of this…’film’, but still bad. And impossible.…
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Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, basically, just unaware it's a comedy. Utterly, hopelessly dire. Half a star for frequently being unintentionally hilarious.
The sad thing is Alone in the Dark was actually a damn good, classic video game deserving of a decent movie adaptation. So whoever thought it was a good idea to let Uwe Boll make it needs shooting.
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Directed by Uwe Bowl.
The singular reason you don't watch this movie unless you want to feel physical pain. -
Nearly every director active in the field of horror is aware of it by now, except for Uwe Boll! Turning popular violent video games into movies is a bad idea and it's guaranteed to result in an unwatchable film. Wasn't the humiliation after that dreadful "House of the Dead" enough evidence for him? Obviously not, because here's "Alone of the Dark" and he already finished his new potential turkey "Bloodrayne". I don't really feel like wasting too many words on this idiotic film, so I'll just second the majority of opinions around here: "Alone in the Dark" is a lousy and very irritating film that truly deserves his ranking among the hundred worst movies ever made. The plot (for as…
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Absolute garbage.
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I had completely forgot about this movie until a review by the Nostalgia Critic. And I am glad I did (forget about it that is).
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Directed by Uwe Bowl.
The singular reason you don't watch this movie unless you want to feel physical pain. -
Uwe Boll is a little jerkface.
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Nearly every director active in the field of horror is aware of it by now, except for Uwe Boll! Turning popular violent video games into movies is a bad idea and it's guaranteed to result in an unwatchable film. Wasn't the humiliation after that dreadful "House of the Dead" enough evidence for him? Obviously not, because here's "Alone of the Dark" and he already finished his new potential turkey "Bloodrayne". I don't really feel like wasting too many words on this idiotic film, so I'll just second the majority of opinions around here: "Alone in the Dark" is a lousy and very irritating film that truly deserves his ranking among the hundred worst movies ever made. The plot (for as…
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Mala. No entraré en si se parece o no al juego porque sería un insulto de proporciones bíblicas.
No es de miedo, no es de cachondeo (lo cual podría salvarla en algún punto) y se limita a tirar de un único efecto de ordenador (bicho) multiplicado, balas everywhere y a enseñarnos los pantalones hiper-ajustados del protagonista.
Hay una escena donde, para tortura de él, lo obligan a arrodillarse con esos vaqueros 20 tallas más pequeños y lo hace con mucho esfuerzo. En serio. NO.
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Wow einer der schlechtesten Filme ever!
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Part of the "March Movie Madness" challenge.
Tara Reid, why you so bad actress?!
It's not that it's poorly written and badly executed, it's just that.... no wait, that's exactly it.
I couldn't get myself to care about anything in this film. Just like the entire cast couldn't be arsed to give a flying fuck.
"The world as we know it is coming to an end!"
Whatever.
"We might all die!"
It's bound to happen sooner or later.
"The darkness is here!"
Duly noted.
"Run!"
Nah, I'm good.
Sometimes it's clear when actors struggle with a lame script, but it's so obvious that they already gave up the moment they read the piece of paper. The one with coloured ink spots and damp leftovers from the fingerpaint the 4 year-old writer used to form his 6 worded script "M-0-n-st-er B-a-d I D-a-K. T-ea-r-A R-eeee-e-d B-o-o-bies" -
It's silly and fun at times, some dreadful moments as well....the Slater-Reid love scene comes to mind. The CGI is iffy as the things look cool, but fake.
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nice try
game is better