• Matthew Vallée

    ★½ Watched by Matthew Vallée 13 Oct, 2014

    I myself do not like snakes at all. Even seeing them on screen makes me squirm, but the supposedly terrifying snake in this movie was a joke. For the most part it was clearly a puppet that looked about the quality of a child’s dollar store toy and the rest of the time it was terrible CGI. There really is no excuse for the effects considering this film isn’t that old but even if you look past all that, the…


  • Lars Sieval

    ★★ Watched by Lars Sieval 23 Oct, 2014

    The Horrors of October 2014: “Hoop-tober” Edition!

    Well, this is a B-Movie at it's finest. It's about a giant anaconda who kills Owen Wilson and Danny Trejo. I wish he got Jennifer Lopez on his list aswell. John Voight is the reason why you should watch this one. He is so over the top it's just awesome. I liked every scene with him in it. And well, that's about it. I'm glad it didn't run longer than 90 minutes or else it would've been too long.

    Just shut off your brain if you want to watch this one.


  • Matt Taylor

    ★★★ Watched by Matt Taylor 21 Oct, 2014

    A part of me really wanted to dislike this film. I was ready to open this review with a Nicki Minaj pun. But, it really wasn't that bad.

    I don't think anyone involved in "Anaconda" thought they were making anything more than a campy B-movie, and it shows. It's not smart in any way, but it doesn't pretend to be anything but a glorified slasher film. There are some nice set pieces, comedic beats that work quite well (Ice Cube's…


  • Travis Lytle

    ★★½ Rewatched by Travis Lytle 20 Oct, 2014 6

    Luis Llosa's horror/adventure, "Anaconda," is a South American-set thriller that suffers from too many issues to be truly enjoyable. The film does enjoy love from many horror fans, but those patient audience members are able to look past the dodgy performances, hokey creature effects, and personality-free direction. Though "Anaconda" is definitely watchable, it is very limited.

    "Anaconda" boasts a comfortably standard set-up. A group of disparate individuals finds themselves in harm's way when they cross paths with natures fury. In…


  • Chris Vallée

    ★★½ Watched by Chris Vallée 13 Oct, 2014

    I entered this movie with the expectation that it would be awful, and maybe having the bar set so low was why I actually ended up enjoying it, but I did. It is totally ridiculous but it was highly entertaining, maybe not for the reasons it intended but it is.


  • Mike

    ★★½ Watched by Mike 11 Oct, 2014

    The snake is ridiculous. And not just because it's animated with mid-90s technology. It defies physics and does those stupid reptile screams (courtesy of Frank Welker!) you only hear in the worst creature features. As if a forty-foot long snake that practically flies isn't scary enough. Worse, no one seems to call attention to the fact that it's fucking supernatural, like it's assumed all constrictor snakes in the Amazon are this badass. Sure, Jon Voight, who is channeling Robert Shaw…


  • TJ Peloquin

    ★½ Watched by TJ Peloquin 06 Oct, 2014

    "Last time I was in water like this, I was up all night picking leeches off my scrotum!"

    What could go wrong when you go into the Amazon to film a documentary? You could meet an evil weirdo who is a snake hunter and ex-priest, played by the hilariously hammy Jon Voight. You could encounter a parade of terrifying wildlife and plants. You could also meet giant anacondas on several occasions.

    This seems like a dream come true for a…


  • cronic

    ★★ Added by cronic



  • Colleen McAleer

    ★★ Added by Colleen McAleer

    i love that there was so clearly no research done to figure out how snakes work. the snakes are what people remembered snakes looking like but they didn't check to make sure they were right by just looking at a couple pictures of real snakes.


  • Colin the dude

    ★★★ Rewatched by Colin the dude 24 Sep, 2014

    You know what? The snake effects totally hold up, animatronics and CG both. As one the cheesiest killer animal movies of them all, the effects do exactly what they're supposed to do and that's be the showcase of a cheesy giant snake movie. The best moments are of the snake attacking and the best shot comes from inside the snake as it's swallowing Jon Voight, and it looks great! It's a shoddy movie in every other respect but hey, the…


  • Michelle Arf

    ★★★½ Watched by Michelle Arf 18 Sep, 2014

    I hadn't seen this since I was like 13, so let's consider this a first watch. I don't even know how to rate it, because some of it was laughably and enjoyably incompetent, some of it was painfully incompetent, some of it was bafflingly incompetent, and some of it was depressingly incompetent. I don't know how much I was entertained, but I had morbid curiosity throughout wondering how this could have made it to theatres. A+ on Jon Voight for constantly trying to make the most ridiculous facial expressions possible the entire film.


  • Danny Aston

    ★★ Watched by Danny Aston 16 Sep, 2014

    ice cube is a documentarian for national geographic and j-lo forgot to pack any bras. jon voight does 7 different accents. sometimes, i just don't know.