Hollywood makes a hard R-rated action movie geared toward 13 year old boys and wonders why it bombs at the box office.

Gee, could it be because the target audience is not legally allowed to buy a ticket for it?

Fucking idiots.

Film #1 of No Rewatch November

This is not nearly as bad as I had imagined it would be. Sure, Rose McGowan is absolutely horrible, Jason Momoa is about as charismatic as a freshly painted wall, the story is completely boring, and the special effects are horrid, but the movie is still pretty watchable. I was on board for all the set pieces, and the opening fight when kid Conan kills all the baddies was pretty awesome. Just go into the film knowing that it isn't something your going to be writing home about, and you'll have a decent enough time.

An awesome B movie that reminds me of a 90's action film. This isn't even a guilty pleasure. I genuinely think this film rocks!! Sue Me Haters!!!

I liked the feel and look to this, though something was certainly missing, it lacked personality maybe ... not sure. They definitely got the level of violence right, nice and brutal as a Conan film should be.

"Barbarian… I don't like you anymore." -Khalar Zym

I read the original Robert E. Howard pulps as a geeky teen, along with the b&w Marvel comics. I enjoyed the two Schwarzenegger flicks before I was old enough to recognize the creepy, rape-y vibe that Arnold gave off (and later confirmed). This is not that Conan. But that's not so bad. Sure Jason Momoa is a cardboard cutout of an actor but he looks the part. And Rose McGowan is just plain silly but it sure is fun to see her get it in the end. The setpieces look really good and the CG effects aren't TOO awful. Basically, if you expect nothing from this brainless actioner, you won't be disappointed and you might just enjoy it a little. Just a little.

After all the hacking, slashing, grunting, yelling, stabbing, clubbing, punching, scratching, beating, screaming, scowling, cutting, sexual suggestions and beheadings (and there's a lot of each); it's quite admirable how all involved in this movie fail to effectively play out and resolve the only character arc in the film: Conan's temper making him vulnerable in battle. Their version of resolving it: he gets more angry, problem solved!

I was genuinely irritated by how moronic this film was. Sure some of the action was entertaining - even when it seemed totally unnecessary and slightly sadistic, as a lot of it did (I have no problem with violence in films, but when the hero acts like a psycho and its presented in a cartoony fantasy way I can't help but feel a bit put-off) - but could they not have at least put some effort into making the characters more than cardboard cutouts, or writing a story that was actually interesting? Jason Momoa may look the part, but he had about as much charisma as his sword, and to have all that build up to an anti-climactic ending just made me feel like I'd wasted my time.

Couldn't even make it to halfway... scraping the bottom of the Netflix barrel

So glad I didn't rush out to see this in the theaters. And I regret a bit watching it last night when I could have watched something . . . anything else. When you spend less time wondering "What is this person up to?" and more time wondering "WTF is up with her hair and make-up?", it's hard to stay in the movie. And after the bank he may have made off of "Avatar," you would think Stephen Lang wouldn't need to do a "for the money" picture like this.
On another note, I like Jason Momoa. Even got to see him at Emerald City Comic-Con in 2012. Nice, funny dude. But I didn't feel any of his charisma come through in this role. Even for the brief bits we got to see of him during the first season of "Game of Thrones," he was more riveting then as a secondary character.

It had potential but never quite got there.

Thought it might improve with a second viewing.

Thought wrong.

I went into this with the idea that it couldn't possibly be worse than the original. At least this one seemed to try to do more for plot and acting than the original. I'll have to give it a second watch sometime because I only got through about half before I got distracted.

I didn't think it was that bad. Some elements were better than the 1982 version and some were not as good.