a list that is trying to contain every horror film made that is not lost and is found on the…
They're not working for santa anymore...
A young woman discovers that she is the focus of an evil nazi experiment involving selective breeding and summoned elves, an attempt to create a race of supermen. She and two of her friends are trapped in a department store with an elf, and only Dan Haggerty, as the renegade loose-cannon Santa Claus, can save them.
The sisters of anti Christmas are out in the woods in the middle of the night. With the help of the virgin of anti Christmas, some accidental blood and "just the right spot", they bring to life something even more horrifying than their silly dialogue.
This sure was fun to watch, not letting us wait long to get introduced to the evil elf. Or the ninja gremlin, as it's also called. But these what-do-I-do-if-I-don't-want-to-sleep-with-him?-girls didn't have it easy before, especially not our main one. At home she has a grandfather slapping her around, her stone cold bitch of a mother drowning her cat in the toilet and a brother determined to see her naked. At work she has your typical…
" I need to know the connection between the elves and the nazis!"
Sample dialogue from Elves.
Ok so I have officially entered the part of my horror marathon where I am just watching random obscure movies that live in the world of YouTube, the kind that nobody is taking down for copyright infringement because there's just nobody around that cares.
On paper this should be nothing less than b movie gold, with its promise of killer elves, nazi conspiracy's and Dan Haggerty (Grizzly Adams himself) playing a down on his luck mall Santa, but it's all a bit too shoddy even for my tastes. The obvious comparison is "Troll 2" but at least they could afford lights for that…
"YOUR GRANDFATHER IS YOUR FATHER AND YOUR GRANDFATHER."
Nobody in this rager acts like a human being. It's like aliens observed Earth for five minutes and decided to make a movie. Girls talk about boys, lingerie, and how their mom is "such a bitch." Professors smoke pipes and wear vests and lecture about the occult Nazi roots of elves in a room lined with books. Dan Haggerty doesn't give a fuck. An elf rod puppet wields a razor blade, caresses a lady-thigh, and barely moves. Just when you think this movie tops itself in absurdity, it hits another insane peak a scene later. Classic.
FUN FACT: The Elves DVD at I Luv Video, burned from my VHS tape, has been stolen five times.
It's not truly the Christmas season until I hear that timeless exchange:
"Is everything alright?"
"No, Willy, Gramps is a Nazi"
The nazis created elves as a supersoldier, the heroines grandfather is also her father and Dan Haggerty smokes constantly. Cheap and tacky horror has dialogue that is beyond stupid and one really lame elf puppet. Might be good with alcohol.
Is this the only Xmas movie where the lead character's mother stuffs her cat in a sack and violently drowns it in a toilet? #HopefullyNot
Starts off as that truly amazing kind of terrible. Ends as that incoherently running around in the woods kind of terrible. Averages out to a moderately entertaining kind of terrible.
A down-on-his-luck department store Santa (Dan "Grizzly Adams" Haggerty) must protect a teenage girl from a demonic Elf - part of a Nazi inbreeding experiment meant to unleash the Master Race on Christmas Eve - in this utterly WTF holiday themed horror trash epic. I swear this movie gave me a traumatic brain injury.
Fucking hell. Watching something like this alone can really force you to reevaluate some things
Christmas horror royalty, pure-blooded, perfect blue, upholding the genre's renown pedigree.
how could you NOT like a movie about nazis commanding troll elves to rule the world
Disgraced detective/department store Santa Dan Haggerty and a "teenage" "virgin" team up on Christmas Eve to thwart a Nazi plot to usher in the Antichrist by means of breeding with a genetically engineered, homicidal super-elf. There was really very little chance of me not liking this movie.
Still, a winningly ludicrous plot can only carry you so far. This one exceeds expectations via sheer spite. Virtually every character in this film radiates loathing in every frame, from the cat-murdering mother to the fey department store manager to the air-headed best friends. That level of hatred is infectious in the best way. The one exception is Haggerty, who seems deeply depressed about having to participate in this nonsense, but even that malaise adds to the nasty atmosphere. It's a rare film that can have me hoping for an 8-year-old boy to be violently murdered within a few seconds of his first appearance. I count that as a good thing.
This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
Despite many warnings to stay away, the crazy-sounding setup of Jeffrey Mandel's Elves made it one of those shit cinema titles I'd wanted to see forever. Twentysomething teenager Kirsten (Julie Austin) engages in a half-assed anti-Christmas ceremony in the woods and unwittingly unleashes one of the title beasties, played by an immobile rubber statue. For some reason, everyone creeps on this girl, from store Santas to her little brother. Turns out Kirsten is the result of her scowling, thieving, cat-drowning mother (Deanna Lund) being knocked up by her ex-Nazi grandfather (the clearly-not-elderly Borah Silver). Her virginal body is intended as part of some larger occult plot where she's supposed to mate with the Nazi-bred elf. Yes, there is only one.…
is the department store called gollums
movies i believe to be organically insane (not fake insane for film nerds to laugh at), mostly good or ok…
More than 1200 movies of pure 80's horror!
When I created this list, I didn't remember to add the…