I rank all the 2013 films I see in my personal order from best to worst!
G.I. Joe: Retaliation
Framed for crimes against the country, the G.I. Joe team is terminated by Presidential order. This forces the G.I. Joes into not only fighting their mortal enemy Cobra; they are forced to contend with threats from within the government that jeopardize their very existence.
For all its undeniable crappiness I do have a fondness for the original G.I. Joe movie as I warmed to its cheesy charms and Sienna Miller dressed in leather. However, Stephen Sommers’ film was not the runaway success the studio expected and because of this the delayed sequel has seen wholesale changes. With the exception of the odd franchise favourite, most notably Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes, the original cast have been unceremoniously dumped in favour of a new breed of blander Joe.
Although it follows on from the first film, not that anybody can really remember the original’s plot, the GI Joe team are ruthlessly streamlined leaving a core of five Joes against the might of a growing Cobra…
Being a child of the 80s my go-to toy was of course G.I. Joe. Other then the toys, the cartoon was cool and all but it always bothered me that they had laser beams shooting out of every single weapon they had. Machine gun, pistol, tank cannon, it didn't matter. If it shoots, it shoots a laser beam. Even as a kid I thought that was bullshit.
For me I got my G.I. Joe fix from the Marvel Comics published G.I. Joe comic. The series was surprisingly realistic when it came to covert ops and military tactics. It was written by Larry Hama, a former firearms and explosive ordnance expert for the U.S. Army that served in…
A lot of people are saying that this is better than the first, and I have to call a bit of bullshit on that. As inoffensive as this film is, it is also on the opposite spectrum of stupid fun that Rise of Cobra is.
See, as dumb as Rise of Cobra is, it at least knows it, and lends itself to its own nice little campy tone. It runs with the stupid instead of trying to hide it, and I find that infinitely more enjoyable.
Retaliation, while not masquerading as anything more than dumb fun, doesn't have the same campy tone. It takes everything in the film a little too seriously, and thus, when something insanely stupid happens…
The film goes thus:
Kind of funny dialogue.
The Rock's absurd neck (seriously, it's as wide as his head!) and shoulders.
Holy shit that was unexpected.
Cobra Commander actually looks and sounds like Cobra Commander.
Ninjas sword-fighting while abseiling.
Jonathan Pryce being so hammy you could slice him up and make a sandwich.
More of The Rock's absurd neck and shoulders.
Misogynistic jabs by Bruce Willis at the resident action chick.
Surprising emphasis on gunplay and hand to hand combat rather than explosions.
Actually rooting for Cobra so I can see more Jonathan Pryce.
Damn, that trailer spoiled A LOT.
Massive epic climax.
Yeah, it was good.
"They call it water board, but I never get bored"
A few years ago, when I was but a young and naive FilmApe, I longed for the days when B movies existed, and cursed the modern days where all movies are just lumped together as one thing that are all comparable to each other. But, then it occurred to me that I was looking at things all wrong and that a new perspective would help me see things better. It is not like B movies stopped being made, they just got elevated to a status where they are no longer considered B movies. So, I began to look for films that are the modern equivalent of what use to be…
Things G.I. Joe: Retaliation have:
Soldiers, minion soldiers, white ninja, black ninja, yellow ninja, red ninja, minion ninjas, ninjutsu, brawl, martial arts, parkour, free running, fencing, sai, kunai, sword, sword fight, flying sword fights, hiking sword fights, hiking, wall running, wall running sword fight bangee jump, bangee jump sword fight, zip-line, zip-line sword fight, sword fight with firearms, gunkata, gunfight, revolvers, pistols, machine guns, sub-machine guns, heavy machine guns, mounted machine guns, sniper rifles, sniper rifles with guided bullets, grenade launcher, grenade, anti-aircraft weapons, missile launcher, nuke, nuke explosion, exploding firefly, people with cool names like Firefly, Cobra Commander, Roadblock, Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes, Snake and Cobra being enemies, city being destroy, helicopter attack, gunfight with cars, house full…
Just rewatched this and still enjoyed it a lot. Yeah, it's probably about 20 minutes too long but I like seeing Jonathan Pryce chew the scenery.
I love the heavy-handedness of both GI Joe movies. This one is more militant, as the first one was more cartoon-y, which I absolutely loved! So with less of a hokie nature for Retaliation, you had to buy more into what they were buying into, so to speak. Channing Tatum and Dwayne Johnson's chemistry is legit and it would be fun to have the team for longer (ahem!) in another movie. Also, I would be lying if I didn't mention how ridiculously handsome Byung Hun Lee is and said that the scene where his…
Only Jonathan Pryce (camping it up) and Bruce Willis (relaxing enough to give us glimmers of his old smirk) are having as much fun as they should be: it's a mistake to try and play something as fundamentally silly as a G.I. Joe movie as anything other than fundamentally silly: when they try and reach for emotional resonance, they come up well short.
While I will admit that this flick has some thrilling action sequences that are sure to get the testosterone flowing in any 12 year old boys body, it also is flooded with an extreme amount of CHEESE. It's corny as hell and sadly that corn hurts the film.
This is the picture perfect example of BIG, DUMB and somewhat fun. I get it. I get the whole damn thing. In it's fun though it lowers IQs by the minute.
I don't think it's poorly made, at least from an action perspective but it's just shy of being Michael Bay stupid. Should I have expected anything different though, no.
Huge improvement over the first one doesn't means its good though.
Sometimes, on a rainy Saturday afternoon, all you want to do is sit on the couch and stare blindly at some mindless action flick that will entertain.
Such was my Saturday with GI JOE: RETALIATION. It gave me what I was looking for. Decent enough action and lots of things blowing up. I couldn't care less about the plot, and there was some "inside GI Joe" things about one character that was a villian is now working with the good guys, but that mattered not to me.
The Rock was his usual testosterone-laden self that held things together well. Channing Tatum shows up, briefly, at the beginning, reprising his role from the first Joe movie. And - SURPRISE - Bruce Willis shows up. Everyone else was forgetabble, replaceable, though I did enjoy Jonathan Pryce's President.
A GREAT way to spend a lazy, rainy Saturday afternoon.
The action is pretty fun but it's all the same old bullshit. Not worth your time.
Cobra, ninja y maletines nucleares
Aunque sin Sommers no hay party la película cumple. Eso sí, sintiéndolo mucho, la aparición de Bruce Willis da un poco de penica
Wow, I did NOT expect to like this as much as I did. What a fun live action version of the beloved comic I grew up with. Snake Eyes's cliff fight had me giggling with joy. And so great to see Ray Stevenson and Walton Goggins cut loose. I wish Captain America 2 had been half as fun as this.
Improves upon the first in some areas, especially the addition of The Rock, but also lost some of the cartooniness and fun, so it ends up a wash. Would have liked more Joes as well.
- The Wolf of Wall Street
- Inside Llewyn Davis
- American Hustle
- Sharky's Machine
- Absence of Malice
- On Golden Pond
- Richard Pryor: Live on the Sunset Strip
I've always been interested in what other people are seeing and watching, and naturally, I love looking at Weekend Box…
- 12 Years a Slave
- Inside Llewyn Davis
- The Wolf of Wall Street
- Upstream Color
- Before Midnight
This is my ongoing ranking of all the films I see released in 2013. I will make a separate top…