These are films that I've seen over the years that I've either liked or loved, but A LOT of people…
G.I. Joe: Retaliation
Framed for crimes against the country, the G.I. Joe team is terminated by Presidential order. This forces the G.I. Joes into not only fighting their mortal enemy Cobra; they are forced to contend with threats from within the government that jeopardize their very existence.
The film goes thus:
Kind of funny dialogue.
The Rock's absurd neck (seriously, it's as wide as his head!) and shoulders.
Holy shit that was unexpected.
Cobra Commander actually looks and sounds like Cobra Commander.
Ninjas sword-fighting while abseiling.
Jonathan Pryce being so hammy you could slice him up and make a sandwich.
More of The Rock's absurd neck and shoulders.
Misogynistic jabs by Bruce Willis at the resident action chick.
Surprising emphasis on gunplay and hand to hand combat rather than explosions.
Actually rooting for Cobra so I can see more Jonathan Pryce.
Damn, that trailer spoiled A LOT.
Massive epic climax.
Yeah, it was good.
For all its undeniable crappiness I do have a fondness for the original G.I. Joe movie as I warmed to its cheesy charms and Sienna Miller dressed in leather. However, Stephen Sommers’ film was not the runaway success the studio expected and because of this the delayed sequel has seen wholesale changes. With the exception of the odd franchise favourite, most notably Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes, the original cast have been unceremoniously dumped in favour of a new breed of blander Joe.
Although it follows on from the first film, not that anybody can really remember the original’s plot, the GI Joe team are ruthlessly streamlined leaving a core of five Joes against the might of a growing Cobra…
Being a child of the 80s my go-to toy was of course G.I. Joe. Other then the toys, the cartoon was cool and all but it always bothered me that they had laser beams shooting out of every single weapon they had. Machine gun, pistol, tank cannon, it didn't matter. If it shoots, it shoots a laser beam. Even as a kid I thought that was bullshit.
For me I got my G.I. Joe fix from the Marvel Comics published G.I. Joe comic. The series was surprisingly realistic when it came to covert ops and military tactics. It was written by Larry Hama, a former firearms and explosive ordnance expert for the U.S. Army that served in…
A lot of people are saying that this is better than the first, and I have to call a bit of bullshit on that. As inoffensive as this film is, it is also on the opposite spectrum of stupid fun that Rise of Cobra is.
See, as dumb as Rise of Cobra is, it at least knows it, and lends itself to its own nice little campy tone. It runs with the stupid instead of trying to hide it, and I find that infinitely more enjoyable.
Retaliation, while not masquerading as anything more than dumb fun, doesn't have the same campy tone. It takes everything in the film a little too seriously, and thus, when something insanely stupid happens…
"They call it water board, but I never get bored"
A few years ago, when I was but a young and naive FilmApe, I longed for the days when B movies existed, and cursed the modern days where all movies are just lumped together as one thing that are all comparable to each other. But, then it occurred to me that I was looking at things all wrong and that a new perspective would help me see things better. It is not like B movies stopped being made, they just got elevated to a status where they are no longer considered B movies. So, I began to look for films that are the modern equivalent of what use to be…
Junesploitation: Day 11 – Ninjas!
"I don’t know if I’m gonna trust a pastry from a gumbo chef."
G.I. Joe: Retaliation functions best if you look at it not as the sequel to the previous G.I. Joe movie Rise of Cobra (which I liked in spite of its silliness) but as part of director Jon M. Chu’s filmography. His other work includes Step Up 2 and 3, both Justin Bieber documentaries, and two movies in a series called The LXD (you guessed it—also about dancing). With Retaliation, Chu isn’t making an action movie, he’s making a music video. Each set piece acts more like a dance number or concert performance, purposefully interrupting the flow of the narrative rather…
I didn't even watch most of It, but I could already tell you that it sucks.
I really disliked this movie in theaters (How do you make a G.I JOE film starring The Rock and make it BORING!?), but the promise of an 'extended' cut that was supposed to radically change the films peaked my interest - and I found myself very much surprised at how much I enjoyed the action this time around. It's insane that editors can cut out people being shot or a dozen punches being thrown in fist fight, and still expect it to play - that's the MEAT of the scene - and now with all that stuff added back in it flowed so much better. Plus, a whole bunch of character beats were cut out originally (Why?) and have been…
If Lee Byung-hun wasn't in this film, there would be no reason for it to exist.
Giving it a second watch
Enough explosions to be entertaining, but far from "Rise of the Cobra".
Somehow worse than the original. This felt like a cheap cash-in sequel, from start to finish. A shockingly flimsy script made of parts stuck together does not ever feel like an actual movie. A weird double cross plot, a strange bit for the ninjas (in a really cheap looking garden), then some strange spy but (using tech from who knows where), capped by a battle that had no urgency. Even the stuff that should have been cool, wasn't. HISS tanks, an evil scheme worthy of the cartoon (save the destruction of ALL of London), and some fun ideas all amounted to nothing.
An unnecessarily complicated story that wasn't so much twists and turns as it was a bunch of random…
I liked G.I. Joe: Retaliation more than I liked G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra. On a separate note, I prefer the Rack to being boiled alive.
Guilty pleasure, fun, explosions, guns blazing, shit that could never happen action film that is just mush but it's mush I have a good time with.
The rock y willis juntos molan mazo