Total amount of credibility points accumulated in 37 years of being a movie moron with no social life: roughly 200k.

Me after seeing this film:
'Ohmygod!!!!!!!! I love it, I love it love it love it LOVE IT!!!!!!!!'

New total amount of credibility points accumulated in 37 years of being a movie moron with no social life: roughly 0

Total amount of 'not giving a fuck' points: 2.000.000.000.000

This film is fucking awesome!! yeah I said it!

There are some good things here. The action is kick ass. The fight scenes are exciting. I love the chase scene in Paris. This movie is watchable. The characters are hard to follow. At the end of this movie I still am not sure who was who. The casting was good. Although seeing two actors from The Mummy did make me wish I was watching that instead. It's watchable but it's also not a good movie. The script isn't well written and leaves more questions then answers. Also if feels like they tried to cram to much stuff into this movie. All in all mildly enjoyable but not a good movie. Just barley not worth a watch.

You know when you watch a film that is so boring that you stop paying attention to any plot? And then end up not sure if it was awful because you lost interest or if it was just not a good film? Yes, that.
(I bet you all loved it and think I'm an idiot!)

The very definition of "fun but forgettable".

Saw this as due diligence for the sequel and was surprised to find it soulless and enervating in the usual summer blockbuster way, and not extraordinarily lousy as some critics led me to believe. (How's that for a backhanded compliment?) Key to me was the relationship between Tatum and Miller: I'd guess that not a person in the world—the film makers, the actors, the audience—were remotely invested in it, and yet here it is anyway because movies.

If you hate this movie you just don't get the point of it. This is extremely camp over the top fun. Enjoy it for what it is.

Absolute pants!! Probably the most appaling film i've ever seen!

There are some good things here. The action is kick ass. The fight scenes are exciting. I love the chase scene in Paris. This movie is watchable. The characters are hard to follow. At the end of this movie I still am not sure who was who. The casting was good. Although seeing two actors from The Mummy did make me wish I was watching that instead. It's watchable but it's also not a good movie. The script isn't well written and leaves more questions then answers. Also if feels like they tried to cram to much stuff into this movie. All in all mildly enjoyable but not a good movie. Just barley not worth a watch.

Stephen Sommers' loud, over produced big screen adventure based on the popular line of Hasbro toys never really gets off the ground. Sloppily directed, with a weak script, G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA can't seem to find its rhythm, jerking through awkward flashbacks and clunky exposition with no real sense of timing or pacing. Lots of flash and noise, but not much else.

Cinematic junk food, I think I enjoy it while it's going down, but I know it's just rubbish.

Of course, it might just be a PG13 remake of "Team America". I did laugh an extraordinary amount of times, the first hour being particularly hilarious.

Dick Van Dyck Joe was my favourite, but there were loads of dodgy accents.

I have now watched this twice and one Saturday night in the future I bet I watch it again. I really can be an idiot sometimes.

Honestly one of the most ridiculous and entertaining movies I have ever seen. Memories from my childhood are brought to the big screen and they managed to keep the spirit from those early cartoons alive.

Completely over the top, with gadgets that would make James Bond drool, under water basis which in turn would make Dr. No drool made me feel like a little boy again who was glued to the tv screen whenever G.I. Joe was on the tv.

Ridiculous, over the top and still entertaining as hell.

A lot of fun.

Good action movie. A surprise, actually.