Can you believe that the first almost twenty minutes of Goal 3 revolves around three supposedly world-class footballers doing a movie shoot where one of them dresses up like a gimp? Nope. Me neither. Except that's just what happens in this atrocious 'threequel'.
If the first Goal was a cheesy rags to riches tale, and the second a plodding cautionary tale story about the perils of glory and fame, the third--which unsurprisingly wasn't given a cinematic release and simply shovelled out on DVD--is a low budget, awfully written, badly performed, tacky, cheese-filled load of offal which even sidelines the main character from the previous films to focus on two 'lovable' cockney rogue players who, genuinely, make Danny Dyer look like an Oscar-winner for all the acting ability they possess. It actually reminded me of the old Sky One football 'soap' Dream Team, only far far far worse.
The beautiful game has perhaps never looked less attractive. Over the bar!