These can't be real.
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
Classic tale. New twist.
After getting a taste for blood as children, Hansel and Gretel have become the ultimate vigilantes, hell-bent on retribution. Now, unbeknownst to them, Hansel and Gretel have become the hunted, and must face an evil far greater than witches... their past.
.....wait a second.......wasn't I supposed to hate this?
I am not a big fan of Hollywood's need to revamp all these classic fairytales. Most of them are excellent and grim stories to begin with, so why change that?
Take the fairytale of Hansel and Gretel for example. It's a story about child abuse, cannibalism and horrific murder. That in itself is more than enough, right? But no, riding on Snow White's coattails we now have the story of Hansel and Gretel post traumatic candy cottage experience.
This shouldn't work and plot wise it doesn't. It is somewhat uninspired and therefore doesn't really hold any surprises. It also has a couple of bizarre ideas that aren't really fleshed out enough (Hansel's…
Director, Tommy Wirkola, created a fun and trashy B-movie in the form of Nazi zombie comedy, Dead Snow. Disappointingly, his first film in Hollywood is nowhere near as enjoyable. In fact it is downright awful and an embarrassment for all those involved. There has been a recent surge in revisionist fairy tale adaptations but unfortunately they have all been disappointing for various reasons and Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters may well be the worst of the bunch.
Wirkola’s film takes the classic Brothers Grimm story of siblings lost in the woods, gingerbread houses and a cannibal witch and twists it into a cheap and bombastic action movie devoid of interesting characters or compelling set pieces. Gemma Arterton and Jeremy Renner play…
It seems that nowadays directors tend to create horror films based on real events, famous novels and fairy tales and basically misrepresent them by giving them a new storyline and a ridiculous, yet funny layer of gory action and badass kills.
Seeing an adaptation of the acclaimed fairy tale published by the Brothers Grimm in the hands of the Norwegian director sounded like something cool. The premise of seeing the famous siblings (Hansel & Gretel) fighting witches as grown ups in a horror film sounded like something I would wholeheartedly enjoy. Yet, the execution of this promising concept wasn't particularly the best since this was an obvious Hollywood production.
As the director, Tommy Wirkola had moments to shine and moments of…
Most of the running time of Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters I was in awe of what I was seeing. Then I remembered this was 2013, and this has become the norm.
The "plot" moves incredibly fast and rarely takes an opportunity to breathe. This would be okay if it looked like the cast was having fun (Similar to how it worked for Joe Carnahan's The A-Team), but neither of the leads, or even the supporting cast look like they're having a lot of fun, and thus, none of the fun the filmmakers want it to have really translates.
Hansel & Gretel isn't boring, but it was a waste of my time…
This is an unpretentious movie that knows what it is, a ridiculous, gory action fantasy that tries hard to be fun. The only problem is it's not that fun. Between a lazy script, exposition overkill, choppy transition of scenes and a redundant feel to the whole thing, the fun is sucked out of it almost completely. The violence is intriguingly bloody, gory and excessive while the action scenes are cool but they're repetitive and soon their coolness wears off. Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton are good and do their best under the circumstances but fun is not the first thing that comes in mind when their names are mentioned. Famke Janssen as the evil witch is terrible in terms of…
Admittedly, there is something to be said about a hyper-violent, comic book-like concept involving grownup fairy tale characters. In the case of "Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters," however, that concept is all there is and the resulting film is one of the weakest studio efforts of 2013.
"Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters" takes the titular characters, turns them into adults, and sets them free to hunt witches in the quasi-central European countryside. That is all. There is very little story, zero character development, and no thematic weight on which to comment. The film is empty headed and soulless.
The sets, costumes, and props are at once interesting but plastic-looking, and the cinematography, score, and acting offer nothing extraordinary. The leads, Jeremy Renner…
1 star but Only for my girl gemma. love u
Turn your brain off and just have a fun evening. My tween cousin loved it.
I know it's not great but I unapologetically love this movie okay.
This was a great movie
Man, I miss Van Helsing.
#horrorctober 2016, Film #7
[...] Unprätentiöser als Wirkola’s Ansatz – bzw. Ansatz all der Leute, die in dieser international angehauchten Produktion mit UK- und US-Hauptdarstellern, deutschen Geldern, Nebendarstellern und Drehorten, norwegischem Director, isländischem Komponisten, etc. ihre Finger im Spiel hatten – geht es wohl kaum, denn jederzeit sind sich alle Beteiligten vollends bewusst, dass ulkiger Quark wie WITCH HUNTERS als klare Einladung zu 90 Minuten spaßiger gemeinsamer Zeit zu verstehen ist. Zelebrierter Unsinn, mit dem Herz am rechten Fleck. Die völlig absurde Prämisse trägt einen großen Teil bei – Hänsel & Gretel als Lederkluft-Bountyhunter-Celebreties, die überall erkannt bzw. sogar von Fanboys gefeiert werden und im 12 Jahrhundert mit einem Waffenarsenal, das locker dem Marine-Corps aus ALIENS entwendet worden sein könnte, diabolische Hexen zersplattern, sind schon SEHR absurd [...]
This movie had a lot of really good pieces (Jeremy Renner with giant steampunk guns), and a lot of awkward, awful ones (dropping F-bombs in ye olde English). Lots of Mortal Kombat fatalities. I think overall I just enjoyed the fun stuff enough to ignore the cringeworthy parts... I'd put it on again to clean the house on a Saturday.
As much as I was hoping this was going to be good, it ended up as meh. Could have been much more but wasn't terrible.