YOUR FAVES ARE PROBLEMATIC
Keith Lemon: The Film
With dreams of becoming a successful entrepreneur just like his beloved Richard Branson, Lemon bids farewell to his hometown of Leeds and heads for the capital. When he becomes an overnight billionaire, it seems everything is going his way, but it's not long before he discovers that life can be just as cruel as it is kind.
There aren’t many times when I’m watching a film that I start to wish that I was watching a Sarah Jessica Parker rom-com instead. However, this thought crossed my mind regularly during this truly abysmal cinematic outing from gurning ginger gobshite, Leigh Francis. Francis’ bafflingly popular creation Keith Lemon is a lewd twat with a fascination with crap British celebrities. He’s barely tolerable during the trailers advertising his TV show let alone during 85 shit-filled minutes of knob gags and D-list cameos.
Featuring a veritable who’s not of British celebrities Keith Lemon: The Film is a showcase of limited talent as the likes of Vernon Kay and Peter Andre mug their way through a script that tries far too hard…
Back in the '70s and '80s, it was obvious why British TV comedians made films - in a film, you can say "fuck" and "twat", maybe show some tits and make plenty of blowjob jokes. And there you have it, the low horizons of the British TV spin-off. But now you can say or do pretty much anything that's legal on television - and, if you're Chris Morris, you can probably strong-arm Channel 4 into letting you do some things that aren't legal - that game is over, surely? People must realise that there's no market for a sweary, salacious movie of a sweary, salacious TV show?
No. It turns out they do not.
Essentially the darkest-timeline version of Borat,…
This film made me want to scratch my eyes out.
In cinema's anatomy this film has the opposite function of the human sphincter.
A juvenile parade of offensive racial stereotypes, penis jokes, and flat physical gags. It seems to suggest that success is defined by defiling Kelly Brook and attaining a penis enlargement surgery. Just go away Keith Lemon, I never want to see you "seagull" over someone's "bangers" again, and neither should the rest of the world. This is contemptible, lazy trash that will forever stain the résumés of all involved.
Keith Lemon: The Film is not the worst excuse for a movie I've ever had the misfortune to lay my eyes on but it certainly is REALLY FUCKING HORRIBLE I WANT TO CUT SOMEONE'S FUCKING FACE FUCK THI
I like films with likeable and relatable characters. With that in mind, I hated this film. Like, a lot.
First of all, the main character is an unlikable prat. The gist of the film is that Keith Lemon goes around trying to sell crap phones and trying to get into Carmen Electra's pants, while his pregnant girlfriend get kidnapped by some random gangster. Also, his best friend is the most pointless character who covers himself in HP sauce to achieve blackface and strongly believes that the homosexuals are out to get him.
Also, the fellow from Let's Do Lunch makes a cameo, which is just the most unforgivable thing.
Amazon.co.uk's product description for Keith Lemon: The Film.
Get ready for the uncut, lewderer, cruderer and ruderer comedy treat of the year – Keith Lemon The Film. Ooosh, bang tidy! The best person on telly hits the big screen in this story of rags to riches... and that fit bird, Kelly Brook.
In this outrageous and hilarious adventure, Keith Lemon comes to London from Leeds and, just like his hero Richard Branson, becomes an overnight billionaire! Then an over day failure before finding the road to redemption.
With so much unseen stuff that wasn’t allowed in the cinemas, and bursting with juicy special features, this extended DVD will have you shipped off to the hospital with your sides splitting. Get…
I haven't actually seen this but I'm certain it manages to make war atrocities against children seem comparatively hilarious.
I just don't like this guy. His humour is really sour, obnoxious and unfunny. This film recycles all of the tropes used in Celebrity Juice, which had already been continuously recycled throughout the series. I suppose it hasn't yet become apparent to ITV and Keith Lemon's fan that when the same jokes get told over and over again, they're not funny anymore, just like the old "knock knock" joke. It's obvious that this film was conjured to create more publicity for Keith Lemon, and the end result? Utter shite. I guess this is what happens when the media gives a comedian way too much publicity.
Part of My Brother Hates Me (letterboxd.com/foz90/list/my-brother-hates-me/), this is a woeful film that somehow made me smile a few more times than it really should have done. Plus it's better than that god awful Mrs Brown's Boys D'Movie.
There's nothing to recommend it. Don't watch it. I had to. Don't follow my example.
As an aside, this is strangely the second film I've watched that co-starred Kelly Brook and David Hasselhoff. And I've never seen Lawrence of Arabia, Spirited Away or The Deer Hunter. I get the feeling I'm really wasting my life sometimes.
Keith Lemon has been a permanent fixture on Britain's television sets for fifteen years. His disgusting antics and use of vulgar language makes him an unabashed joy to watch, especially on his hit comedy panel show Celebrity Juice. So, it seems fair that he'd eventually receive his own movie; you don't stay popular for a long time for no reason. Yet, Lemon's easily recognisable brand of juvenile humour and tongue-waggling shenanigans doesn't transcend well to the big screen - just like the abysmal The Harry Hill Movie,…
Keith Lemon: The Film is the lowest of the low when it comes to filmmaking and joins the likes of Mrs Brown's Boys D'Movie and The Harry Hill Movie as a film that makes you wish you were both deaf AND blind.
Leigh Francis' creation, Keith Lemon, is just about tolerable on half hour panel show Celebrity Juice so who the hell thought it was a good idea to let him have his own feature length film?!
There are plenty of Z-list celebrities on hand to make cameos and embarrass themselves further with lame and unfunny toilet humour that made me feel nauseous.
Finally, it really does say a lot about your film when Kelly Brook gives the best performance in a role where she basically plays a walking pair of tits.
An insult to British cinema
For without bad, there can be no good.
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