Here's the thing about Ghost Protocol [EXPLOSION].

See that I lulled you into a false sense of security and then flipped things on their heads with unexpected action.

That's not so much what you'll get here, because when you think about the Tom Cruise era Mission: Impossible, you expect action. You think: is there a chance that chap might be a little bit gay? You think: surely this time they've bitten off more than they can chew and they can't possibly prevail at the end of the story, can they? You think: implausible helicopter in the channel tunnel, and what exactly was the best-case-scenario the pilot was counting on there?

That degree of implausibility is old hat, we have entirely new degrees of implausibility now. But this time we also have: explosions. This time: disavowment. This time: no chunnel and very few helicopters, but there are a couple of trains.

This time: action set piece after action set piece after IMAX shot gorgeousness. (When the IMAX screen fills up it's like magic. I really felt like I was flying. But that may have been the opiates.)

One of the major points you'll get this time (if you're paying attention) is that it's not about the gadgets, as they prove themselves unreliable time and again, not that they don't try to use them, but that when the tech goes wrong, and it will go wrong, the thing that will lead a team to success is the people. As long as those people are gorgeous and/or inhumanly charming. And definitely super straight, Tom, don't worry your secret is safe.

As long as people continue to work against adversity they'll win, and then they'll lose too but there's no time to feel sorry for themselves because it's time to move on to the next picturesque location for another action setpiece.

Is is an important feature of the film, the technology fails. Where they've used gadgets before, here they can't trust them. From the 'this message will self destruct' not self destructing until Cruise gives it a Fonzy style bump, right through to the (iconic element of previous films in the series) disguise mask making machine going completely custard shaped, and even new tech wall-clinging Gecko Gloves failing nearly seeing our protagonist plummeting from the side of the Burj.

Incidentally, Tom Cruise really did swing around on the outside of the Burj - tallest building in the world - and for the sake of realism, he blimmin' well did it. Incredible to think. Whatever else Tom Cruise might be - completely insane, hopelessly closeted - he's also utterly dedicated to his craft.

There's another thing, perhaps above all others, that they really want to drive home, and that's you in your new BMW.

Product placement here is as graceful as a sack of bricks thrown through a car dealership window. Remember Will Smith in 'I, Robot' with the fullscreen Converse All Stars? And the Audis? And the FedEx? And the JVC? That was probably worse than the product placement in Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol, but this is a close second. Thanks Apple. Thanks BMW. Thanks product placement salesguy, hope you enjoy all the cocaine because you really earned it.

(Also please note that the MacBook Air screen bezel is ugly as sin, and needs fixing. Yuck. Wouldn't this have been a great place to tease the design of the new one? It's not really Apple's style, but how great would that have been?)

Ok, I'll give you another lesson to take home with you, if the trailer for the next Batman movie (a special IMAX edition of which played before Ghost Protocol) sparks off more excited conversation at the end of the film, that's probably not a good thing.

And on that point, please note that the trailer for the next Batman movie is cool right up to the moment Batman first appears. As long as it was BANE (2012) it was ace. As soon as it became Batman: The Dark Knight Rises (2012) it went all goofy. On account of Bane's mask is cool as shit and Batman's is now officially cheeseball, and screw that stupid voice.

I enjoyed Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol a great deal, but you've got to know what you're getting into. And being on opiates probably helps.

What did I learn from Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol? Let me see. There are a lot of BMWs in Dubai and Mumbai (coincidence?) and they have safety features you can trust, and cool start controls, and cool wheels and cool grill-lights, what? I haven't seen such gross product placement in a while. Oh yeah, and iPhones. iPhones are cool, iPads are cool, apparently USB cables are cool; but iPhones in rubberised cases? I guess they might knock them around a bit, but still: uncool (like that haircut).

The gadgets were excellently rendered, but severely over the top. I guess I prefer more human spy action. Gadgets became long set-pieces, if not missions in themselves; I suppose they're cool, but do they have lasting coolness? I remember the free running at the start of Casino Royale; am I going to remember anglepoise wall? And an under-equipped, disavowed (keyword) mission force that still has every gadget they could conceivably need… I think I would have been more impressed by a make-shift demo of skills than a triumph of high-tech aids. Assassin chick was hot though.

What else did I learn? Tom Cruise can take some hard knocks. Really hard knocks. I counted at least two occasions where he appears to whack either his head or torso into a ledge at speed. He does end up pretty hurt, but not the face.

Also I felt like I hadn't studied sufficiently. Have I missed an Mi3.5 or was I just not paying attention to matters of the heart?

As action stories go; it has lots of action, goes all over the world, and has some truly epic scenes in and around the tallest building in the world. Holy vertigo bat man. Before the film I turned and asked a friend if the film was going to have any scenes taking advantage of IMAX, like The Dark Knight did. Yes, it seemed to.

Perhaps nothing lasts long enough to build up any tension. I just didn't feel engaged. Even the save-the-world moment seemed lacklustre.

In the end I think this is more Mi2 than Mi3, and on that score it's disappointing.

I feel like I’m swimming against the tide on this one, but here goes. Brad Bird is a gifted storyteller, and shows some considerable promise in this, his first live-action outing, but Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol is a tepid follow-up to J.J. Abrams’ taut third entry in the Mission: Impossible series.

Where Abrams’ picture delivered a memorable screen villain in Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s Owen Davian, Ghost Protocol’s bad guys are bland and forgettable. Where M:I III contained moments of high tension and true invention, this felt like a weak, copycat version in which the characters were never in any real danger: a centrepiece scene inside Dubai’s Burj Khalifa hotel that should have been thick with nervous energy was planned and discussed to the point it felt rote, its outcome inevitable.

These problems might best be explained by the worst of Bird’s directorial traits (aside from his inappropriate typographic choices, and product placement deals that would make Bond blush): he is unwilling to let a pivotal scene go by without adding some gag or other. To this end, Simon Pegg’s Benji Dunn has been elevated to field status and given the bulk of the script’s laughs, but mostly he serves to revive our disbelief at precisely the wrong times.

It’s not all bad. Bird’s strengths lie in his command of cinematic language (the camera work is vertiginously good), his feel for structure, and his eye for spectacle. He has a knack for exposition, but is perhaps too good at it, explaining many plot points so thoroughly as to leave nothing for the audience (he even spoils key moments of the film in its own title sequence).

It was telling that, after the screening we attended, my colleagues talked solely about the ten-minute IMAX sequence from The Dark Knight Rises that preceded the feature. Chris Nolan’s teaser contained bigger ideas and more tension than in the entirety of the film that followed.

Bird has executed a couple of iconic sequences in Ghost Protocol, which it will undoubtedly be remembered for, but the sizeable remainder of the film is played awkwardly for laughs, and a big fat paycheque.

I can remember how I saw the trailer for the first time and thought that this really looked like fun, despite being the fourth M:I film. And as I was going to see it in the movie theater I just hoped it would be as much fun as it looked like. And it was, and, watching it on DVD, still is. The team is great, the actors really have chemistry with each other and Simon Pegg is just awesome. Also, I have a huge respect for Tom Cruise for shooting the Burj Khalifa sequence himself, for real, because these scenes are just breathtaking. But apart from that, all the other action sequences are pretty damn cool, too. What is also great about this film is the humour, not only because of Simon Pegg, but also because this film doesn't take itself too seriously. It's a fun, thrilling ride and I love it :) So, kudos to Brad Bird for making his first live-action film one of the best films of the franchise

As I re-watched Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, I tried to keep in mind some of the complaints about the movie that I'd heard from other people, but I still loved the hell out of it this time around.

I can agree that the villain and his scheme are pretty uninteresting, but how often is the villain the best part of an action movie? It doesn't really bother me that Kendrick's plan is lame because I'm too busy watching Tom Cruise scale the tallest building in the world! For real!

Then there's the supposed lull after the Dubai sandstorm sequence that apparently bored some people in the third act. I don't feel a lull at all. There's only a short segment of the film that takes place between Dubai and India, and all of that short segment is either devoted to getting the characters FROM Dubai to India or developing Brandt's character, which I don't mind at all.

Frankly, what I found the second time I watched Ghost Protocol was that I'd forgotten how much action there is. Not because the action in question is forgettable, but because there's so much that it's tough to remember it all. Okay, maybe that last bit was a bit exaggerated, but there seriously is a ton of great action in this film.

This next little bit isn't about the movie per se, but about the Blu-ray special features: Wow!

I picked up the 3-disc Best Buy exclusive edition of the Blu-ray with about an hour of extra bonus features, and it's so worth it! The main documentary which hits on some major points of the film, including the Burj Khalifa scaling sequence, is just a blast to watch. It's not the standard "talking head patting the movie on the back, behind the scenes footage, talking head stroking the director's ego, behind the scenes footage, talking head of the director stroking his/her own ego, behind the scenes footage, repeat" that most DVDs/BDs feature. The featurettes are actually nicely composed, entertaining looks behind the curtain at how stuff was filmed without going through the normal bonus feature paces. It's tough to describe, but these features are totally worth a watch, and as I mentioned above, the Best Buy exclusive version comes with twice as much of these features as the standard edition.

Seriously, give this one a poke on Blu-ray.