Twice the Teeth. Twice the Terror.
After the events at Lake Victoria, the prehistoric school of blood-thirsty piranhas make their way into swimming pools, plumbing, and a newly opened water park.
Is it a bird??
Is it a plane??
It's Moron Man, who against better judgement and a ton of bad reviews still decided to watch his crap!
A quick summary:
Shot of gnarling and yapping fish
Dying generic teenagers
Yapping fish swimming by (which actually look faker than most of the boobs)
The Hoff (who plays himself. Badly.)
People I don't give a fuck about that are dying
The scariest bit of this film: A hint towards a sequel....
I'd like to close with a quote from the film that sums up nicely what level it sinks to:
'Josh cut off his penis because something came out of my vagina.'
”Josh cut off his penis because something came out of my vagina.”
I’m surprised this film has taken such a critical beating when it achieves its (admittedly very low) aspirations. It is obviously a bad film but as a schlocky B-movie it was always intended to be bad but by those standards it just about delivers the required T&A, bloody set pieces and pointless celebrity cameos to make it relatively engaging. In fact I enjoyed it a hell of a lot more than the rather boring first film.
It is a film that certainly plays up to convention with lots of knowing winks along the way. If anything the films major fault is that it isn’t as funny or knowing…
I did actually quite like this film for a few reasons.
Whilst it is epically crap in most places and largely unrealistic this it what makes it. The film was never made to be an Attenborough documentary. It is a giant piss take of a genre and itself. Its like all the Scary Movie films, with fish, in water, but good.
Oh and any film with that many women showing of their spam purse is always going to get a couple of stars.
Best bits have to be the Hoff. He was genius for the 10 mins he was in it for.
Josh cut off his penis because something came out of my vagina.
Boobies and Butts and Crotch Shots, Oh My!
They must be holding off on the 'use a piranha as a dildo' gag until the next flick.
Welcome to rock bottom.
The first thing most people seem to ask is "Well did you even like the first one?" and the answer is yes, in fact I loved the 2010 remake a great deal. It was fun, had great gross-out gags, self-aware enough to be funny and walked that fine line that some horror/comedies have a hard time to find.
I didn't find this one much fun at all. It's almost as if the casting director went out of her way to find worst actors then the first film. Admittedly the first one surprisingly had the great Elisabeth Shue in it, but even the supporting cast of mostly unknown actors came off as competent for the…
December Challenge 14 of 100
I know everybody told me it was bad. I know I shouldn't have done it. It wasn't even the T and A that prevented my better judgement. It was Paul Sheer. He promoted it on How Did This Get Made and for whatever reason I thought that it was more a straight-forward comedy that simply didn't work. Nope. I really wish it had been a comedy because then it would have been, at least, decent. But as it is it's just a confused mess.
REPRINTED FROM IHEARTMOVIESTO.COM:
As if the title weren’t enough to dispel any confusion of what’s in store for audiences, Piranha 3DD opens with all-around nutcase Gary Busey biting the head off one of the titular fish and spitting it out into the audience. The rest of the film features a somewhat healthy amount of flesh being devoured, decapitations, impaling, ridiculous C-list celebrity cameos, nudity, and the gratuitous mutilation of an intromittent organ. If you’re after a little more subtlety this weekend, perhaps see The Avengers for the umpteenth time. But if in the right mood, or if you’re a fan of excessively gory horror romps, Piranha 3DD proves to be a mildly entertaining diversion, flaws and all.
Director John Gulager’s…
Everything that works in Piranha 3D is rapidly mined out by this try-hard dirge. Someone's decided more is funnier, so there's more boobs, more fake blood, more self-conscious spoofery, more sub-Farrelly Brothers toilet humour... The piranha are crap, too, their behaviour changing to suit whatever the script needs - they've especially developed a taste for human genitalia, unless you're a busty girl in a bikini - then they just cover you in fake blood and superficial wounds on the arms and legs.
By the time David Hasselhoff turns up it's pretty clear someone's trying too hard, and that's without Ving Rhames' "probably wouldn't have been all that funny even before Planet Terror did it first" shotgun leg. And then there's…
I expected awful and even potentially unwatchable. I saw the reviews and prepared myself that I could even be angry with how bad this film would be... but would you believe it, it's not as bad as the majority say. This is a B-Movie that knows exactly what it is, doesn't apologise and really doesn't care. It makes no attempt to cover up its shortcomings, it uses them to its advantage. Don't get me wrong, this film isn't great, it's not even good but it just about squeezes in enough gratuitous wobbling body parts, awful jokes, ridiculous death scenes and, most importantly, appearances from Gary Busey and David Hasselhoff to make this throw away comedy better than you've read about in the press. If everyone understood this films place as well as it's makers did, I think it would get a little less horrendous panning.
All the fun was replaced by stupidity.
One of the worst movies I have ever seen. Makes the first one look like oscar material. I only gave this one 1 star because the Hoff was a least funny poking fun at his own image and his Baywatch days.
Unflinchingly dumb and horrifically funny.
Dear Martin Bernfeld and Devin C. Lussier, Editors for PIRANHA 3DD,
You guys must be close pals by now. Just last year you worked together in the editorial departments of Steven Spielberg's The Adventures of Tintin and War Horse alongside the legendary Michael Kahn, his longtime collaborator. So, having now seen Piranha 3DD, the film you both edited, I'm curious: which of the lessons you learned from working in such intimate proximity to one of the most significant editor/director partnerships of all time did you apply when you started stitching together the footage for Piranha 3DD?... (CONT'D)
If you could sell a movie by using Geordious looking naked women every movie would have them. This movie have all these Geordious looking naked women, even though it is not a good one. Except for the Geordious looking naked women this movie sucks, and no, I did not fall for those Geordious looking naked women. I still think this movie sucks hard..