Piranha 3DD
2012 Directed by John Gulager
Synopsis
Twice the Teeth. Twice the Terror.
After the events at Lake Victoria, the prehistoric school of blood-thirsty piranhas make their way into swimming pools, plumbing, and a newly opened water park.
Cast
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Is it a bird??
NO!!
Is it a plane??
NO!!
It's Moron Man, who against better judgement and a ton of bad reviews still decided to watch his crap!
A quick summary:
Boob shot
Ass shot
Shot of gnarling and yapping fish
Dying generic teenagers
Boob shot
Boob shot
Yapping fish swimming by (which actually look faker than most of the boobs)
Penis shot
The Hoff (who plays himself. Badly.)
CGI blood
People I don't give a fuck about that are dying
The scariest bit of this film: A hint towards a sequel....
I'd like to close with a quote from the film that sums up nicely what level it sinks to:
'Josh cut off his penis because something came out of my vagina.'
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Boobies and Butts and Crotch Shots, Oh My!
They must be holding off on the 'use a piranha as a dildo' gag until the next flick.
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I did actually quite like this film for a few reasons.
Whilst it is epically crap in most places and largely unrealistic this it what makes it. The film was never made to be an Attenborough documentary. It is a giant piss take of a genre and itself. Its like all the Scary Movie films, with fish, in water, but good.
Oh and any film with that many women showing of their spam purse is always going to get a couple of stars.
Best bits have to be the Hoff. He was genius for the 10 mins he was in it for.
Josh cut off his penis because something came out of my vagina.
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”Josh cut off his penis because something came out of my vagina.”
I’m surprised this film has taken such a critical beating when it achieves its (admittedly very low) aspirations. It is obviously a bad film but as a schlocky B-movie it was always intended to be bad but by those standards it just about delivers the required T&A, bloody set pieces and pointless celebrity cameos to make it relatively engaging. In fact I enjoyed it a hell of a lot more than the rather boring first film.
It is a film that certainly plays up to convention with lots of knowing winks along the way. If anything the films major fault is that it isn’t as funny or knowing…
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Jaws + Teeth x Lots of Mind Altering Drugs - Making Sense x Hasselhoff = WTF
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This is........not even a movie.
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Inept on almost every cinematic/moralistic level.
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This review reportedly contains spoilers. I can handle the truth.
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Welcome To Rock Bottom ~David Hasselhoff
Well Hoff I couldn't have put it any better myself.
If you are a male just reaching puberty or at that awkward part of early teen years, there's a chance that you might like this because this its full of tits. Otherwise forget it.
1 star because somehow I managed to watch it all
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It’s nowhere near as fun as it should be and feels a touch on the sober side, despite featuring some truly goofy stuff.
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Jaws + Teeth x Lots of Mind Altering Drugs - Making Sense x Hasselhoff = WTF
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Boobies and Butts and Crotch Shots, Oh My!
They must be holding off on the 'use a piranha as a dildo' gag until the next flick.
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Piranha 3DD is nowhere near as fun as its predecessor due to silly humor and bad screenplay.
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Shameless, daft, boob filled, tacky creature feature. At the same time thoroughly enjoyable and funny. Only for those with a penchant for the recent wave of purposely bad creature features.
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This movie is borderline good only because it revels in its cheesiness.
It's so bad its actually good.
If you don't get bored by a continuous array of boob-shots, ass-shots, and bad CGI, that is.