With so many reviews on the site now it is easy to miss the good ones so I thought a…
Twice the Teeth. Twice the Terror.
After the events at Lake Victoria, the prehistoric school of blood-thirsty piranhas make their way into swimming pools, plumbing, and a newly opened water park.
Is it a bird??
Is it a plane??
It's Moron Man, who against better judgement and a ton of bad reviews still decided to watch his crap!
A quick summary:
Shot of gnarling and yapping fish
Dying generic teenagers
Yapping fish swimming by (which actually look faker than most of the boobs)
The Hoff (who plays himself. Badly.)
People I don't give a fuck about that are dying
The scariest bit of this film: A hint towards a sequel....
I'd like to close with a quote from the film that sums up nicely what level it sinks to:
'Josh cut off his penis because something came out of my vagina.'
”Josh cut off his penis because something came out of my vagina.”
I’m surprised this film has taken such a critical beating when it achieves its (admittedly very low) aspirations. It is obviously a bad film but as a schlocky B-movie it was always intended to be bad but by those standards it just about delivers the required T&A, bloody set pieces and pointless celebrity cameos to make it relatively engaging. In fact I enjoyed it a hell of a lot more than the rather boring first film.
It is a film that certainly plays up to convention with lots of knowing winks along the way. If anything the films major fault is that it isn’t as funny or knowing…
One look at my ratings will show that I do not have much low rated films.
This is not because of perhaps me giving films higher ratings than I should.
It is because I try my hardest to skip over films that are considered bad/stupid etc.
There are so many classics and great films I have not seen, I try to limit myself to watching only interesting films, films by directors I like and films that are considered at least good.
Why am I saying this? Becuase I also try to reserve half a star rating to films that are seriously the lowest films made.
Even if a film has at least some good scense I will try and give…
Welcome to rock bottom.
The first thing most people seem to ask is "Well did you even like the first one?" and the answer is yes, in fact I loved the 2010 remake a great deal. It was fun, had great gross-out gags, self-aware enough to be funny and walked that fine line that some horror/comedies have a hard time to find.
I didn't find this one much fun at all. It's almost as if the casting director went out of her way to find worst actors then the first film. Admittedly the first one surprisingly had the great Elisabeth Shue in it, but even the supporting cast of mostly unknown actors came off as competent for the…
I did actually quite like this film for a few reasons.
Whilst it is epically crap in most places and largely unrealistic this it what makes it. The film was never made to be an Attenborough documentary. It is a giant piss take of a genre and itself. Its like all the Scary Movie films, with fish, in water, but good.
Oh and any film with that many women showing of their spam purse is always going to get a couple of stars.
Best bits have to be the Hoff. He was genius for the 10 mins he was in it for.
Josh cut off his penis because something came out of my vagina.
Boobies and Butts and Crotch Shots, Oh My!
They must be holding off on the 'use a piranha as a dildo' gag until the next flick.
Silly, but funny. Been a fan of Danielle Panabaker since I watched her in Shark.
I could make a 5 page essay about how shitty this movie is, but I'm not going to. All I have to say is fuck this movie. That's all.
The original "Piranha" remake scored a lot of points for being so outlandish and over the top, so I guess someone thought the sequel had to top it. Which brings me to the cleverly titled "Piranha 3DD", and that title is easily the most clever thing about this ridiculous picture.
It's made in the same campy vein as the original, but something is missing this time out and the end result is a gratuitous, slightly amusing yet relentlessly stupid film. It's obvious from the outtakes that the cast and crew had a great time making it, but only some of that comes through in the finished product. There's not much of a story as the film relies on the original…
Sloppy, overindulgent, unfocused. Doesn't light a candle to the first, which itself was pretty much a one-joke film (and a fun and entertaining one at that).
Time I'll never get back...
Aquí os dejo mi crítica: juantfilms.wordpress.com/2014/12/08/pirana-2/
Cups, geddit? The follow-up to 2010's Piranha attracts a whole bunch of negative adjectives: smutty, crass, gross, incoherent, incompetent, etc. As horror, it fails to generate any level of tension, at best delivering some squirms of disgust here and there. As a comedy, it lacks any sense of timing, and the intended jokes are sub-puerile. Not much to sustain a plot either - prehistoric Piranha in water park - with the film's narrative over by the 70th minute. Only dubious positive: David Hasselhoff's painfully self-deprecating appearance as himself, in Baywatch attire, and the nearly ten minutes of outtakes, best of which involve Hasselhoff redefining cringe worthy to mean mesmerizing.
I quite liked the first Piranha remake, it was hilariously bad but this is what a horror comedy should be like for me; not grossing you out completely, but being full of gore in a way that makes you shout, "As if!" This second film was a bit of a mess though. The story was largely irrelevant with so many unnecessary sub plots and characters, but it made me cringe and laugh constantly. David Hasselhoff was brilliant, too.
I approached this movie with fairly low expectations. Even these were pitifully dashed.
- Leon: The Professional
- Freeway II: Confessions of a Trickbaby
- Grave of the Fireflies
- Whisper of the Heart
- Night of the Living Dead
- Night of the Living Dead
- Dawn of the Dead
- Dawn of the Dead
- Day of the Dead
Horror movies are by far my favorite, so I've decided to make a list with all of them I remember…
- Schramm: Into the Mind of a Serial Killer
- Love Exposure
- Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom
- Tetsuo: The Iron Man
- Father's Day
Movies in which a cock is destroyed.
In anticipation of my upcoming short film, "Sudden Infant Death Syndrome", I've organized…