Red Sonja
1985 Directed by Richard Fleischer
Synopsis
A woman and a warrior that became a legend.
The tyrant Gedren seeks the total power in a world of barbarism. She raids the city Hablac and kills the keeper of a talisman that gives her great power. Red Sonja, sister of the keeper, sets out with her magic sword to overthrow Gedren.
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Wow. I really remembered this film being fun, but I must've been drunk or something when I was 10, because this film is one giant pile of pigshit. And Brigitte Nielsen doesn't even pull her goods out.
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I enjoy the Red Sonja stories, but this is just...wow, utterly terrible.
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Don't let my star review fool you. I love this pic!
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I can only assume Bridget Nielson was cast in Red Sonja to capitalise on the popularity of Conan the Barbarian. A female Conan could make the same money by appealing to the female market. That was the theory anyway. And also because her tenuous grasp of English matched that of her co-star Ahnolt. Red Sonja is Supergirl to Conan’s Superman. Matched with similarly weak villains and poor performances. The only difference is that in Red Sonja you also have Conan striding around in red trousers for support. Ahnolt’s Kalidor is one of his least subtle turns. After Sonja’s sister dies and Sonja is heartbroken Ahnolt leans in close and says, with no hint of emotion, “she’s dead”. Well, doy.
I…
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It's as if a twelve year old boy was tasked with writing a movie that would end sexism the world over.
Twelve year old boys are retarded. In an entertaining way.
Sonja, played by Ivan Drago's twin/wife, must avenge the death of her parents by destroying a big glowing testicle, with the help of her new-found friends, THE most annoying kid ever, and his heavy set man servant, the bone wielding Falcon. I was half expecting Maverick and Ice man to throw in a cameo.
AAAAHnold isn't in it near enough, though he is, for once, used as he should be, wide eyed, swinging a sword, looking like he has an ice cube tray stuck in his face, but most importantly, very few lines.
Great fun.
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It's almost as if someone decided to try and make a piss poor version of Conan that starred Conan.
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One would think it would be difficult to screw up a movie full of redheaded barbarian hotties but somehow this film manages to do so. Lengthy boring fight scenes, wooden acting and flat dialogue are among some of the problems. Yet the film has a kind of charm to it to keep it from sucking too hard.
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This isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but that's damning with faint praise, as I expected it to be painful. Luckily, only certain parts were painful (anything with the boy prince). It's rather generic sword and sorcery and the 80s production values do not help. At least they kept it at a trim 90 minutes.
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Another 80s Fantasy Action film, average really but as a kid i loved these
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Pure cheese but fun
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So bad that it's actually quite hysterical.