Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
A Jedi Shall Not Know Anger. Nor Hatred. Nor Love.
(22 Years Before Episode IV) Ten years after the events of the Battle of Naboo, the galaxy has undergone significant changes. Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi are assigned to protect Padmé from political separatists. As relationships form and powerful forces collide, these heroes face choices that will impact the destiny of the Republic.
That little green fella from the Vodafone ads must be desperate for money to appear in this shit.
'Suck very much, it does, yes?'
-Bubba, Yoda's cooler, older brother
Your clones are very impressive. You must be very proud.
I'm sure I kinda liked this movie the first time I saw it. At least that's my recollection. It's biggest problem is without a doubt the so-called love story between Anakin and Padmé. Their scenes together are cringe inducing. These two people don't even look like they enjoy being in the same room together. The fact that Hayden Christensen comes off as incredibly creepy during these scenes just makes it all the more unbelievable when they finally do "fall in love".
The film is also filled with scenes and imagery that have a sole purpose of making you think of the original trilogy. Some of them have no logic…
"I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth."
Oh, fuck off Hayden Christensen!
Highly educational: for years I thought that sand was smooth and fluffy. Now I know better. It's coarse, it's irritating and it gets everywhere.
A lot of us hate the Prequel trilogy. I myself am not fond of it, yet recognise some of its better moments. Yet Episode II: Attack of the Clones is the worst of the three. The story is annoying, the acting a bit shit in some places and the focus on Politics and diplomacy a bit disappointing from you would expect. There are some stand out moments, like Christopher Lee, the visual sets and some of the animation, I can’t help feeling this film is a disappointment and possibly pointless, just a money- maker for George Lucas and his empire. But it's Star Wars so I have a little, if small, fondness for it.
This is the reason why people were elated the new ones are going to be shot on film. In fairness, the parts that are all CGI - the astroid field scramble and the final assault - don't look half bad. Lucas and his team know how to choreograph starfighter acrobatics and, for the most part, calibrate R2D2 to the right balance of utilitarian/sassy. A whole Space Dogfights: The Movie would actually be preferable to the awkwardness of throwing flesh and blood actors in those backgrounds, which makes everything in frame look as slick as plastic spam. It's already a deep hole before anyone starts talking about...sand.
By far the worst film in the series. Unwatchably bad.
I was planning on saying something about how terrible the dialogue, the soap opera acting, and the horrid love story is, but then Yoda started fighting Count Dooku with a light sabre...
YODA JUMPING AROUND USING A FRIGGIN' LIGHT SABRE!!!! All your arguments are invalid! Three stars alone for that ending!!
This review reportedly contains spoilers. I can handle the truth.
I can't believe how unwatchable this movie is. I don't remember it being so bad on first viewing, but even with all of the midichlorians and "yippees," I still prefer The Phantom Menace to this sterile piece of crap.
"You love me? I thought we had decided not to fall in love. That we'd be forced to live a lie and that it would destroy our lives."- Anakin Skywalker. Attack of the Clones i love you and its destroying my life. I feel unclean.
Literally every single aspect of this film is objectively bad and I sort of dig it.
The original Star Wars trilogy pretty much was my childhood. yes, that might seem sad to some, but between 1980-85, from the age of 5-10, all me and my mates talked about, played etc was Star Wars 24-7. I had a huge collection of Star Wars toys that sadly I didn't keep, but the amount of good memories I have of creating scenarios and taking the bedrock of the story from each film and taking off on my own wild tangents are countless and priceless.
So thanks, George Lucas, for utterly raping the sunny memory of my tender years with your complete clusterfuck of new Star Wars films. Episode 2 is quite possibly the most boring film I've ever seen,…