Every film that has ever been nominated for an Academy Award in any category. Enjoy!
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
A Jedi Shall Not Know Anger. Nor Hatred. Nor Love.
(22 Years Before Episode IV) Ten years after the events of the Battle of Naboo, the galaxy has undergone significant changes. Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi are assigned to protect Padmé from political separatists. As relationships form and powerful forces collide, these heroes face choices that will impact the destiny of the Republic.
Unlike the incredibly hyped, feverish release of The Phantom Menace three years earlier, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones loomed large with more a muted sense of expectation, a 'new hope' as it were that George Lucas might have learned a few lessons from the severe disappointment his first prequel in the planned trilogy turned out to be, due to cardboard dialogue, stiff acting, leaden plotting and a remarkable lack of fun. Perhaps aware of his own shortcomings behind the typewriter, Lucas hired a young writer, Jonathan Hales, to help him pen this second instalment but in no uncertain terms, two heads were not better than one. Attack of the Clones desperately wants to be this trilogy's Empire…
That little green fella from the Vodafone ads must be desperate for money to appear in this shit.
'Suck very much, it does, yes?'
-Bubba, Yoda's cooler, older brother
I had great hopes for Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones after the let down of Episode I. I thought that it would get better but it ended up being even worse.
I was expecting to see how Anakin Skywalker developed his training and how he finally became a Jedi. I guess that would have been interesting to see. George Lucas was more concerned about creating one of the worst love stories in cinema! Anakin and Padmé's love story seems so forced! Their scenes together were supposed to be romantic but in fact they bored me a lot. Also their dialogues, well all dialogues in the film are absolutely terrible!
Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman had no chemistry!…
Your clones are very impressive. You must be very proud.
I'm sure I kinda liked this movie the first time I saw it. At least that's my recollection. It's biggest problem is without a doubt the so-called love story between Anakin and Padmé. Their scenes together are cringe inducing. These two people don't even look like they enjoy being in the same room together. The fact that Hayden Christensen comes off as incredibly creepy during these scenes just makes it all the more unbelievable when they finally do "fall in love".
The film is also filled with scenes and imagery that have a sole purpose of making you think of the original trilogy. Some of them have no logic…
I was flicking through the tv last night looking for something to watch and came across this. It is in my opinion by far the worse of the Star Wars films. Many people think that of The Phantom Menace but I enjoy many things about that film. Liam Neeson is excellent, the pod race is a fantastic sequence, sure Jake Lloyd and Jar Jar are incredibly annoying, but the lightsaber battle at the end is fantastic. This film however has no such redeeming features. Hayden Christensen comes across as a whiny annoying teenager, a great actress like Natalie Portman is made to look wooden by the appalling dialogue she is made to read, Ewan McGregors stuck on beard looks like…
Ten years after initially meeting, Anakin Skywalker shares a forbidden romance with Padmé, while Obi-Wan investigates an assassination attempt on the Senator and discovers a secret clone army crafted for the Jedi.
Another case of "David drinks beer and reviews a movie he hates":
So, let's face it, with the exception of Luke, Puppet-Yoda and Geriatric-Kenobi, Jedi's fucking suck. Do you know what really ruined these movies for me (aside from everything everybody else in the world has already mentioned)?
They ruined it.
I often hear people defending these films with statements like "But at least we got to see lots of cool Jedi in action". Only by "cool Jedi" they must mean "beige-clad, emotionless dullards" and by "action" they really mean "meaningless, over-choreographed stuff happening in front of a green-screen".
Qui Gon Jinn sucks.
Mace Windu sucks.
The Younglings suck.
the Conehead sucks.
Lawnmower Man Yoda sucks.
"I don't like sand. It's coarse and irritating and it gets everywhere. Everything here is soft and smooth." - Anakin Skywalker
That's just one the many terrible lines of dialogue scattered throughout Attack of the Clones. Most the lines are said by Anakin and Padme, who have one of the shittiest romance ever to grace the silver screen. Its up there with Bella and Edward. There romance (if you can call it that) feels so awkward and forced. Its the biggest issue with the film. In The Empire Strikes Back as saw a love story between Han and Leia, but that one actually worked. Lucas tried and failed miserably to duplicate that success. One moment Padme seems to be creeped…
Definitly the low point in the Star Wars franchise. I think what really kills this film is the shoddy acting more than anything else. The only really good actor was Ewan McGregor while everyone else had me cringing.
What in the name of hell did Hayden Christensen do to get that role? There's nothing even remotely redeemable about his performance. Every single aspect of it is terrible in a way that I struggle to comprehend. Instead of showing Anakin's frustrations and inner conflict as he starts to feel the temptation of the dark side and the anger build inside him, we get a whiny little sprout-faced prick. He's just awful.
The rest of the film isn't much better. Dragging in a way that makes it feel so much longer than its 130 minute running time, it's so dull and only manages to pick up in any way in the last 20 or so minutes. There's some nice foreshadowing…
Summing up Star Wars: Episode 2- Attack of the Clones in point form
-Whiny Ass Anakin
-Baby Boba Fett
-George Lucas Lightsaber Jerk-Off Fest
-SO MANY GOD DAMN WIPES
-VERY DISAPPOINTING again
I didn't think Phantom was terrible. This? This is very terrible. Lucas is so in love with world building that he doesn't even notice that his lead can't sell a line to save his life - he's bad enough that it would have been worthwhile to fire the guy during production and go into rewrites.
But even if they'd dumped Christensen, Lucas is spends too much time on his set designs to figure out what to do anywhere else. Maybe someone just needed to hold him by the lakes of Naboo.
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