Every film that has ever been nominated for an Academy Award in any category. Enjoy!
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
A Jedi Shall Not Know Anger. Nor Hatred. Nor Love.
(22 Years Before Episode IV) Ten years after the events of the Battle of Naboo, the galaxy has undergone significant changes. Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi are assigned to protect Padmé from political separatists. As relationships form and powerful forces collide, these heroes face choices that will impact the destiny of the Republic.
That little green fella from the Vodafone ads must be desperate for money to appear in this shit.
'Suck very much, it does, yes?'
-Bubba, Yoda's cooler, older brother
I had great hopes for Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones after the let down of Episode I. I thought that it would get better but it ended up being even worse.
I was expecting to see how Anakin Skywalker developed his training and how he finally became a Jedi. I guess that would have been interesting to see. George Lucas was more concerned about creating one of the worst love stories in cinema! Anakin and Padmé's love story seems so forced! Their scenes together were supposed to be romantic but in fact they bored me a lot. Also their dialogues, well all dialogues in the film are absolutely terrible!
Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman had no chemistry!…
Your clones are very impressive. You must be very proud.
I'm sure I kinda liked this movie the first time I saw it. At least that's my recollection. It's biggest problem is without a doubt the so-called love story between Anakin and Padmé. Their scenes together are cringe inducing. These two people don't even look like they enjoy being in the same room together. The fact that Hayden Christensen comes off as incredibly creepy during these scenes just makes it all the more unbelievable when they finally do "fall in love".
The film is also filled with scenes and imagery that have a sole purpose of making you think of the original trilogy. Some of them have no logic…
"I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth."
Oh, fuck off Hayden Christensen!
How can I tear down this movie in ways it hasn't been already? Sloppy special effects, pointless action sequences, no chemistry between the lead characters, and meandering dialogue; this movie has it all when it comes to being a considerable letdown.
George Lucas is a spectacular action director, infusing his films with a controlled frenzy that stands amongst the utter masters of the CGI spectacle. He can create a world that is packed with unique characters, truly able to "transport" us to other planets and galaxies. Of course effects are only part of a film, and with Lucas they became the focus rather than a tool.
He lacks the critically needed understanding of both character and motivation to add much needed weight to those effects, and it is most noticeable with the second instalment in the prequel trilogy. Setting aside the first film's introductions, and the ability of the third film to work upon the groundwork laid by this film, Attack…
Problems compound with any subsequent viewing of Attack of the Clones, which is only passable on a first or second viewing through sheer sensory overload. There's a ridiculous amount of CGI thrown at us to distract from plot points that are each more absurd than the last. There's nothing about Episode II I can say that wasn't better articulated by Mr. Plinkett, but the awfulness of the second half's action sequences are truly physically draining. The Oscar-nominated visual effects include some staggering space environments, but many alien creatures and created environments are video game-quality.
Man that felt a lot longer than I remember... And the "love" dialogue really is that bad. Awesome action though, which delivers on what Star Wars fans have been imagining since the first time they heard "Clone Wars".
Also, my explanation for why the prequels feel THAT much different than the originals is that Lucas sought out, but failed to romanticize and Shakespearean-ize a fun space adventure.
I knew this was bad when I saw it at 18, but what an irredeemable piece of shit this is. Lucas' utter incompetence in every aspect of filmmaking is astounding, with even the much vaunted special effects looking like nothing that couldn't be found in video games at the time. I'll also go out on a limb and defend Hayden Christensen a bit; his performance is bad, sure, but so is Ewan McGregor's and Samuel L. Jackson's, proving that at times you have to blame the writer, director, and editor.
And the annoyance continues. As I said in my Episode 1 review I wanted to like this film, in fact I wanted to like it so much that I thought I did after the first time I saw it. Yet each time I've watched it after that first time I find my opinion gradually worsening. A huge part of this is the ridiculously complex plot that makes no sense. I'm still struggling to see how no one could speak up and tell Lucas that this whole convoluted tale is nonsense. Anyone ever heard of the KISS method...keep it simple, stupid! Yet they try to weave a love story and a mystery into one, and fail at both.
Hayden Christensen continues…
Maybe I was just too tired when I watched it this time, but I ended up falling asleep towards the end...
Better than the first one. Things actually start to happen in this movie. The action scenes were awesome, and Ewan McGregor is great as Obi-Wan. There are some plot holes, and Hayden Christensen has some pretty bad lines, but it's still quite enjoyable.
Attack of the Clones is technologically sound, but its weak script is hard to forgive.
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