Teen Witch
1989 Directed by Dorian Walker
Synopsis
Fall under her spell.
Louise is not very popular at her highschool. Then she learns that she's descended from the witches of Salem and has inherited their powers. At first she uses them to get back at the girls and teachers who teased her and to win the heart of the handsome footballer's captain. But soon she has doubts if it's right to 'cheat' her way to popularity.
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This movie is best known for one of the most ridiculous scenes of white people rapping ever put to film. Let's agree that that's amazing and get down to the serious shit.
Teen Witch should have earned a place smack dab between Can't Buy Me Love and Teen Wolf, but instead it's got too much weird shit going on. Oddly, I don't really want to talk about the weird shit (except maybe to acknowledge that gross little fucker from River's Edge that plays her brother. He is so disgusting and I want to smother him with a pillow).
It is a fairly capable teen movie with some adequate emotional beats. But the most impressive thing about it is the adherence…
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This is how the conversation went:
Them: "Hey Chip. Wanna come over and watch Mad Men?"
Me: "Sure!" ::drives over, opens first beer::
::Movie starts, it's Teen Witch::
Me; "Um ... what's happening?"
Them: "Oh, some of us aren't caught up on Mad Men so we're watching Teen Witch instead."
Me: ::opens second, third, and fourth beers:: -
So Teen Witch is about a teenager that is a witch. She has a little brother who is most likely on sex predator watch lists, as well as a best friend who is timid around funky people. There is one point where she goes on a date with a guy who reminded me of Rick the Prick from Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, and the guy acts just like one would assume Rick the Prick would on a date. Then there is a bunch of magic stuff, lessons are learned, and there is a weird scene in which Zelda Rubinstein sits on Robyn Lively's lap. In summation, pretty decent.
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So hungover that I can't get up to change the channel from TEEN WITCH. Send help.
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I liked it, but unlike most of the fun 80's teen movies, the tone of this film seems a bit depressing.
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Exuberantly dumb witch riff on Teen Wolf, with stupid 80s musical numbers and fashions, Zelda Rubinstein, and I don't know, a whole classroom of people saying "CON-DUM" in stupid voices.
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This is how the conversation went:
Them: "Hey Chip. Wanna come over and watch Mad Men?"
Me: "Sure!" ::drives over, opens first beer::
::Movie starts, it's Teen Witch::
Me; "Um ... what's happening?"
Them: "Oh, some of us aren't caught up on Mad Men so we're watching Teen Witch instead."
Me: ::opens second, third, and fourth beers:: -
So Teen Witch is about a teenager that is a witch. She has a little brother who is most likely on sex predator watch lists, as well as a best friend who is timid around funky people. There is one point where she goes on a date with a guy who reminded me of Rick the Prick from Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, and the guy acts just like one would assume Rick the Prick would on a date. Then there is a bunch of magic stuff, lessons are learned, and there is a weird scene in which Zelda Rubinstein sits on Robyn Lively's lap. In summation, pretty decent.
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This movie is best known for one of the most ridiculous scenes of white people rapping ever put to film. Let's agree that that's amazing and get down to the serious shit.
Teen Witch should have earned a place smack dab between Can't Buy Me Love and Teen Wolf, but instead it's got too much weird shit going on. Oddly, I don't really want to talk about the weird shit (except maybe to acknowledge that gross little fucker from River's Edge that plays her brother. He is so disgusting and I want to smother him with a pillow).
It is a fairly capable teen movie with some adequate emotional beats. But the most impressive thing about it is the adherence…
-
So hungover that I can't get up to change the channel from TEEN WITCH. Send help.
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I liked it, but unlike most of the fun 80's teen movies, the tone of this film seems a bit depressing.
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You would enjoy this movie if you :
Caught it on cable...in the 80's...and you were a 10 year old girl...and you get a kick out of sweet white girl raps like this one: www.youtube.com/watch?v=_a5Mvw0j1rY
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Exuberantly dumb witch riff on Teen Wolf, with stupid 80s musical numbers and fashions, Zelda Rubinstein, and I don't know, a whole classroom of people saying "CON-DUM" in stupid voices.