I have no idea why I did this. This list can (in a way) already be found on here by…
The Expendables 2
Back for War.
Mr. Church reunites the Expendables for what should be an easy paycheck, but when one of their men is murdered on the job, their quest for revenge puts them deep in enemy territory and up against an unexpected threat.
Is there a film-making equivalent of the Special Olympics? If so, here's my ballot:
Outstanding Performance in a Motion Picture (Drama) - Jean-Claude Van Damme
Outstanding Performance in a Motion Picture (Musical or Comedy [unintentional]) - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Worst Actor - Terry Crews
Worst Supporting Actor - Terry Crews
Person Who Gave Such A God Damn Awful Performance, It Can't Rightly be Called 'Acting' - Randy Couture
Most Understandable Accent - Jason Statham
Least Likely To Succeed - Terry Crews
Most Likely To Have Had His 4-Year Old Grandson Write The Dialogue - Sylvester Stallone
Winner of the 'What The Fuck Are You Doing In This Movie?' Award - Jet Li
Best Cameo - Chuck Norris
Most Likely To Have…
Six pounds of pure plutonium is powerful enough to change the balance of the world. Imagine what five tons will do.
This is probably the film the first Expendables should have been. The plot is kept simple and tight. There's dialogue that is legitimately funny. There's actual characterization done instead of just trying to make everyone look "cool". Lastly the bad CGI gore is toned down and is actually at an acceptable level this time.
Now if they would have stopped there this would have been a perfect action movie. Unfortunately there's still a few incredibly stupid moments in the film, but the ones that got to me the most was the overuse of meta-jokes. To say they're…
In every way this is better than the first film, and I really, really like the first film, so that's saying something. Easily the most fun I have had in a theater all year.
I was going to review this film, but I think someone already summed up this film in the best way possible...
"This movie is big, dumb, and retarded just like Sylvester Stallone's forearms but you know what? If I had the chance to jerk off with those forearms, I'd still have fun which I did with this movie."
-Co-Host 3000 on Spill.com
Yeah, that's probably the best way to describe this. Big, dumb, and loads of fun.
My biggest issue with the first Expendables movie was that with such an incredible cast of action legends past and present, it didn't hold true to the over-the-top, comically violent action cinema it was trying to evoke nostalgia for. The Expendables 2, I'm glad to say, sees Sylvester Stallone finally realise that - and while his sequel don't get me wrong suffers all the same creative issues as the first, it's triple the fun across the board. If you loved the films Stallone, Arnie, Willis, Norris et al... became famous for, there is no way you won't spend most of this with a broad, beaming smile.
Stallone wisely ejects too much of the cod-philosophising he infused the first film with…
This sequel to the 2010 blockbuster arrives with a bang. The Expendables are back and immediately reintroduce themselves in a blistering hail of bullets and destruction. Five minutes in and the body count must have hit at least 50.
Yes the boys are definitely back in town and looking to ignite the screen once more with blood, machismo and cheesy one liners at every available opportunity. I loved this movie.
This movie is complete fantasy of course. A ridiculous theatrical action fantasy that rattles and creeks along, flexing its big budget muscles and delivering outstanding explosive blood stained action set pieces all the way through its pumped and ripped storyline. There are plenty of laughs and a few tears to…
'80s action wet dream, part 2. I've never seen so many squibs in one film. Wowza.
"The Expendables 2 is a shot to the arm of pure, silly action-movie fun" Terrific opening sequence. Wow, couldn't wedge the doors open? There's a strange lack of grenades and slow-mo. Lots of fun, plenty of in-jokes. "This is a film made very specifically for action junkies." Looking forward to number 3.
Thanks to the Expendables wiki (expendables.wikia.com), I can confirm that a grand total of 489 people are downed during this movie. This an impressive uplift over the original 2010 movie, which boasted 'just' 221.
Jason Statham alone is credited with 163.
Hopefully, this goes some way to indicate the utter ridiculousness of this. The plot is paper thin, the script is, well probably written on that one piece of paper, and the acting.. well, I'm sure I don't need to elaborate.
All of that aside, it's entertaining and doesn't take itself too seriously, but then it really couldn't could it?
Chuck Norris' few cameo moments make this worth 90 minutes of your time. Just don't expect... er anything else.
"The Cameos 2" features lots of scenes of people getting shot and dropping down dead with dodgy CGI gore popping out of them. Mindless slaughter has never been so boring. It's even more boring when there's no shooting.
All-around bad movie with some good fight scenes. There's not much else to it.
Why? Also, JCVD is great. Otherwise: Why?
- The Avengers
- The Dark Knight Rises
- The Dark Knight
- Django Unchained
- Life of Pi
- Cloud Atlas
Ranking the 2012 releases I've seen so far. Including foreign films released in North American in 2012.
Click on Details…
- In Your Hands
- Tuesday, After Christmas
- Six Shooter
Seeing as everybody else is going for it.
11,122 minutes wasted watching films
185 hours worth…