Today marks the 5 year anniversary of awesomeness in my life. This list represents every movie my old lady (she…
Meet The Original Force Of Nature
A 12-year-old boy searches for the one thing that will enable him to win the affection of the girl of his dreams. To find it he must discover the story of the Lorax, the grumpy yet charming creature who fights to protect his world.
I could not, would not, on a boat.
I will not, will not, with a goat.
I will not watch it in the rain.
I will not watch it on a train.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! You let me be!
I will not watch it in a box.
I will not watch it with a fox.
I will not watch it in a house.
I do not watch it with a mouse.
I do not like it here or there.
I will not watch it ANYWHERE!
I already watched this piece of shit, so take your DVD and go you twit.
I do not like The Lorax, Sam, so pack up your line of crap and scram!
Film #15 of the June Challenge
There once was a land of wood
where hollies bloomed like nothing else could
In it sat a man, quite the shnook
In his hands was a children's book
This man was an executive of 35
or so this author might contrive
He was a man of astonishing greed
From piles of money he would feed!
He did not understand the words of the book
it was why he did not even own a Nook.
But his was a job that did not require knowing how to read
All he had to do was lead.
So he enlisted several men
to make a film for children of ten
It would not be short, it…
The Lorax is another example of a Dr. Seuss’ film adaptation that has failed to capture the charm of the book. They’ve taken a simple and timely fable and turned it into a loud and garish bore that labours on its environmental message whilst failing to actually entertain its audience. The story centres on a 12-year-old boy who escapes the confines of his artificial city - Thneedville - to find a real tree in order to impress the girl of his dreams. There he meets the reclusive Once-ler who tells him the story of The Lorax, the guardian of the forest, and how Thneedville came into being.
Dr. Seuss’ cautionary tale about greed and environmentalism is buried somewhere in this…
Bad memories in my life:
Getting made fun of by Erin Olsen in 8th grade.
Having surgery at a hospital.
The music in The Lorax.
Vibrant and colorful, but oh-so-unfunny! I can't honestly recall a single moment where The Lorax made me laugh. Not even a hearty chuckle or a related thought of amusement. And clearly I'm not alone in being underwhelmed by this film.
I've never read any of the children's books by the beloved Dr. Seuss, but I can scarcely imagine this doing any kind of justice to the original story. It means well I'm sure, but the eco-friendly message at its core holds no subtlety whatsoever, while simulatenously struggling to be hip, in an obvious attempt to keep the tweens from reaching for their cell phones.
They overdo it bit also with the inherent bubbliness; sharing similarities with what often feels like…
At the forefront of culture, where sentiment’s free,
There’s a well-meaning well-spring of sanctimony.
A clattering chatter of serious chaps
Come to warn us of doom; Eco-horror collapse!
And plastic doohickeys that suck out the soul
Of we miserable fools, our dead hearts black as coal.
“Oh woe, these poor dopes — grasping, ignorant saps
With their claptrap and waffle and counterfeit crap.
Don’t they see,” cry the men, their hands wringing in fear,
“What dire fate lies in wait if our cries they don’t hear?”
So they commenced their project, to adapt a great book,
Spent ALL OF THE DOLLARS, begged, “Please, you must look!”
And what did they give us? A veritable onslaught
Of ads and promotions, TV…
Unless viewers like you care a whole awful lot, Dr. Seuss movies won't get better. They will not.
It didn't make me laugh, the music was kind of bad, I found Ted and Audrey to be really dull and yet despite that, the final scene made me cry. I'm a sucker for seeing old people achieving happiness after many years I guess.
Screw you, Illumination for remaking a GREAT tv special. Screw you, Ken Daurio and Cinco Paul for neutering Seuss' classic story. And Screw You American Public for making this shitty excuse for Seuss a success.
To Danny DeVito: Just Say NO!
This alerts us to the environment.
And then colorful.
Ted, an overly serious pubescent, has a thing for high schooler Audrey, who has a thing for trees. In decidedly manufactured Thneedville, trees are just not something you find. As such, Ted quests beyond his town to the home of the mysterious Once-ler, who in full knowledge wiped out the trees on behalf of capitalism. You might notice that I did not once write the word "Lorax" in that extensive spiel.
I really liked this film when first I watched it. And it's not bad, still. It kind of misses the whole point of the book, but it tells the story fully, and even builds up the world a little for the sake of itself. Which generally isn't bad! But…
Danny DeVito plays himself in a god-awful disgrace to Dr. Seuss that does the opposite of everything the original story did, including being appealing. But hey, at least the Once-ler is hot.
Beautiful work derived from the Dr. Seuss book, which stands completely on its own merits.
Good: Nice message about taking care of the planet, delivered in a suitably emotional way.
Bad: O'Hare villain was perhaps a bit predictable, with standard bad-guy props (e.g. a zeppelin).
Rating: 9.0 / 10 (Excellent)
Streaming: Even though I think it is wrong to rate a movie you haven't seen all the way through, I'm making an exception for this environmentalist cult piece of propaganda shit.
If you watch it past the opening credits song and let your child watch this, it should count as a form of child abuse.
- 21 Grams
- Johnny Got His Gun
- The Ugly Swans
- Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
- X-Men: Days of Future Past
- The Amazing Spider-Man 2
- The Grand Budapest Hotel
- The Wolf of Wall Street
- Magnificent Bodyguards
- 12 Angry Men
- Little Miss Sunshine
- The Help
500 movies whose poster art has been influenced by the colour yellow. Its taken a few months a lot of…