originally this list had a very specific focus- now it's basically just english-language action cinema post-matrix.
The Scorpion King
Warrior. Legend. King.
In ancient Egypt, peasant Mathayus is hired to exact revenge on the powerful Memnon and the sorceress Cassandra, who are ready to overtake Balthazar's village. Amid betrayals, thieves, abductions and more, Mathayus strives to bring justice to his complicated world.
No clue how to rate this. One of the funniest movies I've seen in recent memory, and not in an ironic "so bad it's good" way. Dwayne Johnson is a real-life cartoon character, and even though he's famous I feel like he doesn't get near enough credit for his surprising range of abilities, and how brilliantly he carries even the dumbest movies (not to mention the emotional weight he gave to his PAIN & GAIN role, but I won't do a tangent raving about his every performance. you're welcome). The women here are very bad but the only white characters are the evil dudes so I guess it sort of evens out. A couple of downright beautiful shots and an ending moment so hilarious I rewound it twice, crying laughing.
Light-hearted action and adventure fun starring The Rock as The Rock and Kelly Hu in a never fully clothed turn as an optimistic Sorceress and it directly quotes the opening of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
What's not to love?
Sublimely hilarious and truly bonkers, The Scorpion King is exactly the certain kind of big budget B-movie that I adore, thanks in no small part to a great early performance from Dwayne Johnson, who establishes himself as a blockbuster movie star.
Will purchase on Blu Ray for sure!
Something nobody ever mentions when talking about The Scorpion King, something I consider a significant omission, is that The Rock rides a camel in this film. Not just a little bit. A lot. Like all through the film. The Rock. On a camel.
Aside from that it's a fairly perfunctory sword and sandal thing. The guy's got charisma though, and it's never a chore to watch.
Yet another guilty pleasure in which a baby attempted to write a script and it failed in the best possible way.
Given the Scorpion King was by far the worst thing about The Mummy Returns, did we really need a prequel? Of course not, but everyone loves The Rock, he wanted a movie career and when you fuse the two together... you get this dirge.
The most startling thing are that people like Michael Clarke Duncan or Bernard Hill who can, y'know, actually act, show up here - all I can say is the pay cheque must have been sizeable. Just a waste of everyone's time and money.
This was exactly the kind of silly popcorn movie I wanted to see. I expected it to be bad because many people are claiming it to be bad but I was positively surprised. Not so bad plot, acting is as decent as can be in these kind of movies and this looks good enough. And the best part is that this was very entertaining most of the time. Only a small moment in the end where there is a fight, going is quite serious. But then, right in the end, they remembered again what kind of movie they were doing, and then they added some humour again. I was actually so entertained that I could even buy this some time if I get this on a cheap price.
This was terribly tough to sit through. I guess one has to start at somewhere. I think Dwayne Johnson already redeemed himself from being a part of this garbage.
Fun and dumb
Wow, was this movie a disappointment. I grew up with the first two Mummy films and went to see Tomb of the Dragon Emperor in theaters and oddly enough really had a good time. This movie however has no life to it. The Scorpion King is a big budgeted T.V. movie with awful effects, terrible acting and a paper thin story. I went into this movie expecting to be entertained, but afterwards it had just left a bad taste in my mouth. The Rock...why? He is pretty awful in this movie, and this was in the heyday of the Rock in Pro Wrestling. What the hell happened. I never want to watch this movie again, and the $8 I spent to buy it was a complete waste.
Anyone British of my age will probably have fond memories of Sunset Beach. The story of Antonio Torres and Gabi is a classic; they ended up trapped in an exploding building, they thought they would die, so they slept together, and a camera filmed them. Gabi was his brother's fiancée, Antonio was actually Father Antonio! Then a psychic blackmailed them, she got murdered...and some other stuff happened that I have forgotten.
Two good things came out of Sunset Beach. Other than it being a five star TV show. One was Mulholland Drive's Laura Harring; the other was Kelly Hu.
Kelly Hu was a psychiatrist in Sunset Beach, in the Scorpion King she is a sorceress. About as believable.
CGI is amazing in this one
Dwayne Johnson...not quite his role, could've had better acting and the whole film seemed kinda dry and unoriginal.
Much like the Rock himself, this movie has zero body fat, an ebullient desire to please, and a high rate of success at doing so.
Listen to my review of The Scorpion King here: itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-scorpion-king/id1120635458?i=1000369963174&mt=2
All the films mentioned by name in Kim Newman's definitive encyclopedia of horror films, Nightmare Movies. Well worth a read.…
Ranked by The Rock's Rockness.
Since it's THEROCKTOBER, I'm gonna try to watch all the Rock movies I haven't seen,…