Films that I do not want to watch. Ever.
This Means War
It's SPY Against SPY
Two CIA agents, Tuck and Frank who are also best friends, have been benched because someone's after them. Tuck is divorced with a son whom he's not close to and Frank is a ladies man. Tuck decides to try and find someone so he places his profile on a dating website. Lauren, a woman also looking for a guy sees tuck's profile and goes with him. She later bumps into Frank and he hits on her and she goes out with him. she's intrigued by both of them. When they learn that they're dating the same girl, they agree to let her choose. But both can't help but use their skills to keep tabs on her and each other. And also sabotage each others dates with her.
There's a guy with a pistol and another guy with a pistol and a girl who fucks the one guy but also fucks the other guy and they all fuck and shoot and kiss and fuck and fight.
I have a fundamental issue with McG’s latest film, and not just because it is bad. Two best friends, on discovering that they have been dating the same woman, embark on an escalating battle with each other rather than following the simple maxim, bros before hos (it’s not even if they know if she gives mindblowing blow jobs at this point). So who exactly are we supposed to root for here? The two love blind schmucks or the unbelievably bland love interest who neither have any chemistry with. In fact there is more sexual tension between the BFF’s than with their object of desire. Witherspoon and Pine even meet over trying to rent the same film (the horrible remake of…
Now what's the word I'm looking for?
Piss poor in just about every aspect of film making? Njet.
Waste of talent? Non.
A veneered turd? Nee.
All of the above?
Yeah. That's it.
I think I should just recap the movie for everyone:
There are pretty people that do pretty people things. One pretty person likes another pretty person and that pretty person is liked by another pretty person. They decide to do some pretty person shenanigans in order to win the heart of that pretty person so they can have pretty people sex.
Are you unsure of who was who and who wanted to have sex with each other based on that review? So was I, because I thought the film was going to end with Kirk and Bane fucking each other.
This Means Clichés
This Means Shit
This Means Awful
This Means Tom Hardy Can't Save It
This Means McG Sucks
This Means Implausible
This Means It Fails at Action
This Means It Fails at Comedy
This Means My Wife Picked It
This Means Fuck Her
Fuck it you get the point, the one star Is for Tom Hardy. This Means He Shouldn't Take Roles Like This.
Oh, it was the most humiliating moment ever.
None of them should ever work with McG again. I also don't understand how it could have taken four people to write this script, because other then the directing the script is the biggest problem this film has working against it. I don't want to waste anymore time writing about this film.
Despite it being pretty predictable, as anticipated, it was actually pretty funny! Don't know what she is complaining about, after all she knowingly does what she does! Naughty!
I was also very happy to see Chelsea Handler playing a man in this! (Not really, but it'll make sense if you watch it.)
I knew coming in to this movie that it was going to to be bad. I think I knew that the only actress that would keep me entertained would be Chelsea Handler (and I was right) she steals the movie with her hilarious lines, while the rest of the movie tanked. I don't think any of these actors actually needed the money desperately enough to make it but they ended up doing it and we are asking WHY? Even the action is dull, boring and falls flat for a McG film, who always tends to make energetic and frenetic paced action scenes; not this time.
The movie is about 2 good buddy spies who fall for the same hot girl…
At first I must say this movie is very awful.The movie tries to combine action with romantic comedy , but it isn't very funny and not romantic, too. So the movie doesn't know where it want to go. The story is bad just bad. I was wondering how anybody can give this film five points but savors are different. Tom Hardy was great like always and Chelsea Handler as Lauren's best friend was sometimes funny, too. But the performances of Reese Witherspoon and Chris Pine just made me angry not to mention Til Schweiger, but he is always bad in any of his movies. What was that by Reese Witherspoon? I mean she was so great in Walk the Line. However Tom Hardy couldn't rescue the movie. In my opinion he was great in movies like Warrior or The Dark Knight Rises. Til Schweiger was not funny, malignant or creepy. At all the whole movie is crap.
My Tom, my Tom, what have ye done?
I had just seen Bronson, and having been completely mystified by his performance in that, I was very curious to see if Hardy could play a normal, nice guy in a normal, friendly movie. The answer is, no, he cannot. Tom Hardy was not at all believable as a normal guy. He was supposed to be relatable. But I'm used to his characters kicking the shit out of someone just for being given a funny look. I kept expecting that character to pop out, as he definitely seems more at home doing that. He and Chris Pine are basically the same character in this movie, only the later's is more annoying. Chris…
I love me some Chris Pine, but in this film, Tom Hardy > Chris Pine. Quality rom-com.
If you watch carefully, you can already figure out in the first half of the film which one Reese Witherspoon gonna choose.
Meh! Its watchable. Tom Hardy is atrocious but.
This Means War is the kind of movie that is just fun. You can't think too hard about it, you can't expect Shakespeare - but you don't want that. This film is simply three charismatic, talented actors having fun. And it is fun to watch.
Tom Hardy & Chris Pine can share a screen any day.
- Project X
- Pearl Harbor
- Daddy Day Care
- The Last Airbender
- American Reunion
- Searching for Sugar Man
- The Imposter
- Too Big to Fail
- The Girl
All re-watches are excluded.
- Ruby Sparks
- The Man from Nowhere
- Batman: Year One
- Rosemary's Baby
- Perfect Sense
Try to watch 500 movies in 2013. Begins when the clock hits January 1, 2013 ends when the clock hits…