More and more often as I watch films about relationships, I find myself thinking, "if someone did this in real…
This Means War
It's SPY Against SPY
Two top CIA operatives wage an epic battle against one another after they discover they are dating the same woman.
There's a guy with a pistol and another guy with a pistol and a girl who fucks the one guy but also fucks the other guy and they all fuck and shoot and kiss and fuck and fight.
I have a fundamental issue with McG’s latest film, and not just because it is bad. Two best friends, on discovering that they have been dating the same woman, embark on an escalating battle with each other rather than following the simple maxim, bros before hos (it’s not even if they know if she gives mindblowing blow jobs at this point). So who exactly are we supposed to root for here? The two love blind schmucks or the unbelievably bland love interest who neither have any chemistry with. In fact there is more sexual tension between the BFF’s than with their object of desire. Witherspoon and Pine even meet over trying to rent the same film (the horrible remake of…
Now what's the word I'm looking for?
Piss poor in just about every aspect of film making? Njet.
Waste of talent? Non.
A veneered turd? Nee.
All of the above?
Yeah. That's it.
I think I should just recap the movie for everyone:
There are pretty people that do pretty people things. One pretty person likes another pretty person and that pretty person is liked by another pretty person. They decide to do some pretty person shenanigans in order to win the heart of that pretty person so they can have pretty people sex.
Are you unsure of who was who and who wanted to have sex with each other based on that review? So was I, because I thought the film was going to end with Kirk and Bane fucking each other.
I'm so happy that Tom Hardy and Chris Pine still have a career after this movie, because this almost ruining their acting career's, well to me it did.
This Means War is about these two deadly CIA operatives are inseparable partners and best friends until they fall for the same woman. Having once helped bring down entire enemy nations, they are now employing their incomparable skills and an endless array of high-tech gadgetry against their greatest nemesis ever - each other.
The one thing I always hate about these brain dead action comedy movies, is the fact that the action and comedy itself isn't well done and it feels out of place. Well what am I expecting from the same…
This Means Clichés
This Means Shit
This Means Awful
This Means Tom Hardy Can't Save It
This Means McG Sucks
This Means Implausible
This Means It Fails at Action
This Means It Fails at Comedy
This Means My Wife Picked It
This Means Fuck Her
Fuck it you get the point, the one star Is for Tom Hardy. This Means He Shouldn't Take Roles Like This.
I know Chris Pine is beautiful, but who the hell would choose him over Tom Hardy??? TOM FREAKING HARDY?!?!?!?!?!?
Es posible que caiga en algunos tópicos de los dos géneros en los que navega y que también sea algo previsible, pero en mi defensa tengo que decir que me ha divertido y me ha entretenido bastante, lo cual ya es suficiente para darme por satisfecho.
There's this one long shot of Reese Witherspoon dancing in her house and making microwave popcorn to the tune of "This Is How We Do It". As she does this, both Tom Hardy and Chris Pine are sneaking in her house, trying to get info on her. Remember, this is all one shot. And by God, this scene was better than the entirety of Birdman. Birdman wants to be This Means War, but it'll never be This Means War.
This Means War is a movie about dating and sex and relationships and competition that was conceived and developed by asking a lonely thirteen year old who has never dated or had sex or a relationship or been in a competition to please describe what it would be like if he and his friend had to compete over the same pretty girl but if they also had guns and stuff because they were cool spies and whatever.
Non-sequitur hypothesis: I swear to god this script was in turnaround for 20 years before being made and once the greenlight came in, there wasn't a single change made to the script. I say this because two characters meet-cute in a business-is-booming video rental store the size of the Mall Of America. In 2012. The movie as a whole, by the way, is exactly that out of touch.
This takes the spy genre in a totally different direction. The heavy romantic themes are charming but sometimes get in the way of the action sequences. Overall, it's funny and entertaining and as always, Tom Hardy goes Hundo.
Superficial and cliche, but I surprisingly enjoyed Hardy and Pine bromance/war.
Tom Hardy (5'9") stands on an applebox/wears shoes with a heel to make him not look as short beside Chris Pine (6'0").
Also, they both wanna pork Reese Witherspoon.
This deserves a 2 1/2 MAYBE even a 3 but i'm giving it a 5 just because I love Tom Hardy
a showcase of TOM HARDY’s and CHRIS PINE’s talents, the former has never been more charismatic and charming, the latter has never lead with that much ease; the movie at least entertains.
Films that I do not want to watch. Ever.
I am convinced the poor guy's sanity hangs by a thread at times. Kermode is pretty much the reason I…