Films that I do not want to watch. Ever.
This Means War
It's SPY Against SPY
Two top CIA operatives wage an epic battle against one another after they discover they are dating the same woman.
There's a guy with a pistol and another guy with a pistol and a girl who fucks the one guy but also fucks the other guy and they all fuck and shoot and kiss and fuck and fight.
I have a fundamental issue with McG’s latest film, and not just because it is bad. Two best friends, on discovering that they have been dating the same woman, embark on an escalating battle with each other rather than following the simple maxim, bros before hos (it’s not even if they know if she gives mindblowing blow jobs at this point). So who exactly are we supposed to root for here? The two love blind schmucks or the unbelievably bland love interest who neither have any chemistry with. In fact there is more sexual tension between the BFF’s than with their object of desire. Witherspoon and Pine even meet over trying to rent the same film (the horrible remake of…
Now what's the word I'm looking for?
Piss poor in just about every aspect of film making? Njet.
Waste of talent? Non.
A veneered turd? Nee.
All of the above?
Yeah. That's it.
I think I should just recap the movie for everyone:
There are pretty people that do pretty people things. One pretty person likes another pretty person and that pretty person is liked by another pretty person. They decide to do some pretty person shenanigans in order to win the heart of that pretty person so they can have pretty people sex.
Are you unsure of who was who and who wanted to have sex with each other based on that review? So was I, because I thought the film was going to end with Kirk and Bane fucking each other.
This Means Clichés
This Means Shit
This Means Awful
This Means Tom Hardy Can't Save It
This Means McG Sucks
This Means Implausible
This Means It Fails at Action
This Means It Fails at Comedy
This Means My Wife Picked It
This Means Fuck Her
Fuck it you get the point, the one star Is for Tom Hardy. This Means He Shouldn't Take Roles Like This.
Oh, it was the most humiliating moment ever.
None of them should ever work with McG again. I also don't understand how it could have taken four people to write this script, because other then the directing the script is the biggest problem this film has working against it. I don't want to waste anymore time writing about this film.
Reese Witherspoon being in this film is the only good thing about this film.
2/10: A romance action comedy that is not even close to romantic/comedic with very poor action scenes. The only saving grace of this movie is Tom Hardy.
Two men fight for the love of one woman. Cute movie.
Capt. James T. Kirk battles Bane to win the heart of Evelyn Williams.
I can't say I didn't sorta enjoy it. I would be lying, and so would anyyone else, if they said that a single glimpse of Tom Hardy's face wasn't enough to make their lives worth while.
Now this is an unrealistic film. No one. No one. No one, need I repeat it, would choose Chris Pine over Tom Hardy. And actually, this film made me sorta proud to be British. There Tom was, flying our flag, whilst Chris Pine sat there being the stereotypical and Americanised idea of handsome. This film has a lot of issues with gender. It doesn't deal with them, it just has them. There are jabs at British people, probably merely because Tom Hardy wouldn't let…
This movie was not as bad as people claimed to be but don't get me wrong it's stupid and Chelsea Handler is really annoying but I've seen worse.
My review -- this film is now at Hollywood cinema, well what can I say? I think it would be best if I talked about some individual scenes, before anyone starts panicking you know full well I will not discuss and take away any enjoyment of watching this film by discussing the major scenes. But with that being said to give this film a fair and reasonable review, I have to discuss some of the highlights and positives of this film. Some individual scenes are absolutely hysterically funny, fresh and frequently throughout this film. Now sadly there are some things which I found very disappointing about this film, the storyline itself is in two sections and slightly overlapping, the first…
It's alright, not the movie I thought it was going in
Was actually a pleasant movie. Yes, it was cute but not the annoying kind of cute that the trailer shows. Its more of a charming cute due to the leads.
- Project X
- Pearl Harbor
- Daddy Day Care
- The Last Airbender
- American Reunion
- Searching for Sugar Man
- The Imposter
- Too Big to Fail
- The Girl
All re-watches are excluded.
- Angels & Demons
- The Back-Up Plan
- Bride Wars
- The Counselor
- The Da Vinci Code
I am convinced the poor guy's sanity hangs by a thread at times. Kermode is pretty much the reason I…