Films that I do not want to watch. Ever.
This Means War
It's SPY Against SPY
Two top CIA operatives wage an epic battle against one another after they discover they are dating the same woman.
There's a guy with a pistol and another guy with a pistol and a girl who fucks the one guy but also fucks the other guy and they all fuck and shoot and kiss and fuck and fight.
I have a fundamental issue with McG’s latest film, and not just because it is bad. Two best friends, on discovering that they have been dating the same woman, embark on an escalating battle with each other rather than following the simple maxim, bros before hos (it’s not even if they know if she gives mindblowing blow jobs at this point). So who exactly are we supposed to root for here? The two love blind schmucks or the unbelievably bland love interest who neither have any chemistry with. In fact there is more sexual tension between the BFF’s than with their object of desire. Witherspoon and Pine even meet over trying to rent the same film (the horrible remake of…
Now what's the word I'm looking for?
Piss poor in just about every aspect of film making? Njet.
Waste of talent? Non.
A veneered turd? Nee.
All of the above?
Yeah. That's it.
I think I should just recap the movie for everyone:
There are pretty people that do pretty people things. One pretty person likes another pretty person and that pretty person is liked by another pretty person. They decide to do some pretty person shenanigans in order to win the heart of that pretty person so they can have pretty people sex.
Are you unsure of who was who and who wanted to have sex with each other based on that review? So was I, because I thought the film was going to end with Kirk and Bane fucking each other.
This Means Clichés
This Means Shit
This Means Awful
This Means Tom Hardy Can't Save It
This Means McG Sucks
This Means Implausible
This Means It Fails at Action
This Means It Fails at Comedy
This Means My Wife Picked It
This Means Fuck Her
Fuck it you get the point, the one star Is for Tom Hardy. This Means He Shouldn't Take Roles Like This.
Oh, it was the most humiliating moment ever.
None of them should ever work with McG again. I also don't understand how it could have taken four people to write this script, because other then the directing the script is the biggest problem this film has working against it. I don't want to waste anymore time writing about this film.
Was actually a pleasant movie. Yes, it was cute but not the annoying kind of cute that the trailer shows. Its more of a charming cute due to the leads.
There are some good laughs to be had, but the premise which sees two secret agents (Pine and Hardy) compete for the affection of a woman (Witherspoon) whose apartment they have bugged, is so morally bankrupt and unethical, it's rather difficult to embrace the film - much less when seeing how it actually ends with little regard to consequence. It's a testament to the cast's easy charm they still keep the film watchable.
I'm not sure how I got through this.
Genuinely terrible, this is painful to watch. It's shot with a weird orange hue that makes the whole thing look slightly unreal and plasticky. It's full of R-rated material, clumsily crowbarred into a PG-13 film, this is outstandingly shoddy.
What makes it worse, is that it has a solid cast who are uniformly wasted in this unholy mess. Avoid.
"This Means War" is resoundingly bad. There are a few consecutive minutes here and there that are modestly clever or diverting, but so very few of them that they are buried under the execrable pile of incompatible cliches and banalities that make up this supposed entertainment. Ant then, even if you make it through the rest of the movie with a shred of interest in the outcome remaining, there are some apparently intended to be humorous twists that just leave you feeling dirty and betrayed. If this the filmmakers actually thought these twists were actually funny and humanizing, they need more time in therapy before they are allowed to expose themselves in public again.
Scott Weinberg savages the film expertly at:
In the mean time why I wait for films like birdman and whiplash to download to my computer it gives me time to watch some of the stink bombs i have to watch now the website I use to download my moview is free so I thought it can't hurt to download this means war wich is a trailer I saw back in 2012 and straight away I thought what a great big pile of shit I watched and now I agree with my past self so the only thing this film really has going for it is the acting and chemistry between Reese witherspoon, tom hardy, chris pine all doing great jobs why there in this extremely ridiculous premise which you will know what its about if you just watch the trailer.
Reece Witherspoon is too pretty.
And why is her hair always perfect? It doesn't make any sense?
Seriously you will notice the inappropriate hair perfection that is her hair.
Classica cagata da domenica pomeriggio con la donna...un film, di una nullitá imbarazzante..spegnete il cervello e ricordatevi di aprire il culo..almeno farete partire na qualche trombata per riempire il vuoto creato da sta mmerda.
Perché tom hardy, perché?
Se guardate sta cosa senza la compagnia di una donna, avete problemi seri, zio cane.
So fucking bad.
Nothing special. Reminded me of a 100 other films
- Project X
- Pearl Harbor
- Daddy Day Care
- The Last Airbender
- American Reunion
- Searching for Sugar Man
- The Imposter
- Too Big to Fail
- The Girl
All re-watches are excluded.
- Angels & Demons
- The Back-Up Plan
- Bride Wars
- The Counselor
- The Da Vinci Code
I am convinced the poor guy's sanity hangs by a thread at times. Kermode is pretty much the reason I…