Scream 1996

This film exemplifies every single thing that is wrong with the horror genre, from the fresh teen cast to the bright cinematography to the clumsy, harmless killer to the fast-cut editing to the banal directing to the complete and utter lack of style or atmosphere to the forgettable action movie score to the references to other horror movies without having anything memorable in and of itself to the ridiculous amount of forced comedy to the unbelievable sequences to the characters that we have zero reason to care for...and to top it all off, it spawned countless imitators that are even worse!

This is the opposite of horror. This is anti-horror. That means 'not horror at all'. Then what the hell is it? It *tries* to be horror, but everything mentioned above prevents it from going in that direction. It tries to be funny, but never commits to the comedy, so we're left with a bunch of scenes that don't know whether to be funny or scary, and end up being neither.

It starts off with a complete rip-off of the opening of When A Stranger Calls, which is *actually* frightening. In this movie, it comes off as a parody. Perhaps that was the point of the movie all along, but that fails to explain the scenes in the movie that are taken seriously. What is going on here? What kind of movie do you want to be?

The characters are all boring, lifeless, generic, dull, stupid, lame, flat, one-dimensional nobodies, so good fucking luck asking me to care about any one of them. I wanted to see Rose McGowan live for two obvious reasons, but apart from that...*fart noise*

And what was up with that killer? The mask was decidedly pretty awesome, but that's where it ends. I understand that the inept writer and overrated director wanted to turn the horror trope of the invincible killer on its head, but they want waaaaaaaay too far. This guy falls over at the drop of a hat! It was like watching a quadriplegic ice-skating for the first time. Tone it down, folks. Less is more.

And why in the blue hell was he running around the grocery store in full costume in broad daylight?

If you search youtube for "anticlimactic", you'll find a video of the killer's big reveal at the end of this movie. How is it supposed to come as a shock or have any impact whatsoever if no motive was previously set-up, apart from some pasted-in soap opera nonsense that feels made-up on the spot? That's just lazy writing that doesn't feel organic to the story in any way at all.

People like to call this movie "influential", but nobody can name one positive thing it has done for cinema. It gave us shit like Valentine. Gee, thanks. It reminded us of how great old horror movies are. Guess what? I already know how great those movies are! I don't need someone to remind me about them! I already get it, jack! That makes you obsolete!

One star for Rose McGowan. The rest of this movie can shampoo my crotch.