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  • Just Buried 2007

    ★★★½ Watched 19 Apr, 2014

    Extra half star for enjoyment value. The Trouble With Harry meets Fargo... Better than the first, worse than the second. Not afraid to show the grizzly deaths. As ever in these films, the police department are incredibly inept, whilst family members appear to just sort of accept the way things have gone down. "Oh, they died unexpectedly? Fair enough. Sad."

    It starts slowly but steadily builds so that by the halfway point you're definitely enjoying yourself. One too many quirks…

  • Panic Button 2011

    ★★½ Watched 10 Apr, 2014

    For the most part, it's a decent low-budget thriller. The ending seriously lets it down, as does the dodgy acting at the very start. But the inbetween stuff is pretty good - note to self: pick a random cgi animal as your next villain when writing a script. In this film's case, it was an alligator (no, really). In mine? I don't know. Maybe a really threatening badger.

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  • Upstream Color 2013

    ★★★★ Watched 16 Feb, 2014

    "A re- A Review."
    "Of what?"
    "A film."
    "But why?"
    "Why?"
    "Why?"
    "Because."
    "A film?"
    "A movie."
    "A review."
    "I want to."
    "Want to what?"
    "A review."
    "Upstream."
    "A what?"
    "Colour."
    "Does it?"
    "Does what?"
    "The film."
    "It's hard to say."
    "What?"
    "Upstream Colour."
    "Mesmerising."
    "These are just words."
    "Intriguing."
    "They mean nothing."
    "Why?"
    "What?"
    "Upstream Colour."
    "No idea."
    "Repeat."
    "A viewing."
    "Of what?"
    "Magical."

    Repeat. Ad infinitum. In voiceover. And you have the majority of Upstream Colour. I liked it. But I have next to no idea what the script would have looked like.

  • Swept Away 2002

    Watched 22 Mar, 2014

    Development Meeting transcription:

    "I think we should remake that critically acclaimed Italian film from the early Seventies."

    "I don't know... Times have changed. It might not work."

    "Too late. Already bought the rights. Already started on the plot with the screenwriter too."

    "Any good?"

    "Yeah, it's coming together pretty well. We start on a vintage boat with some rich couples, one of whom is a complete bitch. We've got Madonna attached for that."

    "Madonna."

    "Yeah, well Guy Ritchie's directing..."

    "Guy…