RSS feed for Harlequin
  • Noah 2014

    Watched 06 Apr, 2014 2

    (I apologise in advance for any use of foul language, but I PAID hard-earned coin to watch this turd!)

    I had hoped for an over the top Hollywood soaked cheesy action ballad with amazing CGI and okish acting.

    Unfortunately, some dreams will never come true, and they'll only end up disappointing you instead.
    Outdated terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible CGI, unbelievably bad editing, and a page by page slave whipper of a story I have heard at least 200 times…

  • Happy Feet 2006

    ★★½ Watched 25 Mar, 2014

    I can only think of five words to describe Happy Feet with. Not because I'm lazy, but because I'm lost of other words: Peculiar, Beautiful, Scary, Original, Bizarre.

  • The Babysitters 2007

    Watched 23 Mar, 2014

    Nope. No. Nope. No. No. NO! I can't. I just can't. No. No. Noooo. No way. Nah ah! Hell naw! #ICan't

  • Nicholas Nickleby 2002

    ★★★ Watched 23 Mar, 2014 2

    It's one of those films with a stupidly great cast, but it's also one of those films most people haven't heard of, or just choose to ignore for various reasons. It's a shame really, because Nicholas Nickleby - while inspired by a Charles Dickens novel - is not entirely too sugarcoated.

  • Land of the Dead 2005

    ★★ Watched 20 Mar, 2014 2

    Recommended by Daniel Rodriguez.

    Consider for one moment that we have a trillion zombie movies by now. Not just the standalones and various remakes, but also the original Dead series, the Return of the Living Dead series, the Resident Evil series, 28 Days later, and even parodies like Shawn of the Dead.
    That basically leaves us with nothing left to discover. The zombie genre is a fairly limited one. They basically wander around in a catatonic stupor looking for living…

  • The Vow 2012

    ★★ Watched 19 Mar, 2014 5

    While this film is based on true events, I'm guessing Hollywood did a great deal of embellishment to sell this one to the date night crowd. Phew.

    Although I am beginning to appreciate his comic skills, Channing Tatum has to work overtime to come across as anything more than a smug bastard. When the film started out with his psycho-babble voiceover shit, I was ready to take a bullet.

    Rachel McAdams showed early promise in Mean Girls, but with few…

  • Painless 2012

    ★★★ Watched 19 Mar, 2014

    The Spanish word "insensible" aptly describes the emotional world of this film. Emotional as well as heartless, beyond callous, indifferent, and the list goes on.
    It is a tale of children hopelessly overwhelmed with a rare disease where they feel no physical pain, and the heartlessness of those who keeps them locked away like test animals.

    The story of Painless runs in two parallel strands.
    The Franco dictatorship. Signs of a nation still suffering from the consequences of a civil…

  • House 1986

    Watched 19 Mar, 2014 5

    House starts off well enough. The old lady's suicide creates an ominous tone and just when you think it might be a little scary, it turns into a joke.
    Now, I get that it's supposed to be campy, and funny, and not scary at all, but that doesn't mean I'm supposed to like it.
    What you essentially have is a dark comedy bordering on just downright comedy, the very unfunny kind.
    I lost count of times where I simply just…

  • The Ruins 2008

    ★★★½ Watched 19 Mar, 2014 2

    The Ruins is actually rather well acted. Yeah, I just had to get that out there first thing, because so very few horrors work that way.
    We get enough background on the characters to care about them and it helps that they are all rather appealing even if somewhat flawed. They are refreshingly nice young adults who are not the usual stereotypes, and they interact with each other in a way I imagine most people do with their friends.


  • The Host 2013

    ★½ Watched 18 Mar, 2014 6

    "I'm guessing you haven't kissed anyone in a while."

    "Kiss me like you want to get slapped."

    "You're angry when I kiss a man you do love, and you're angry when I kiss a man you don't. It's very confusing."

    And that pretty much sums up the film they call The Host. Thank you Stephenie Meyer, I don't think the world would have been quite the same without you.

  • Escape Plan 2013

    ★★★ Watched 16 Mar, 2014

    Just look at the cast! Seriously guys! SERIOUSLY!

    Vinnie Jones! Fuck yes!
    Sam Neill! Hell yeah!
    Arnold Schwarzenegger! The Governator! (who apparently thinks it's okay to break out of prison)!
    Sylvester Stallone! Good for you, man!
    50 Cent!.................. *blank stare*

  • White House Down 2013

    ★★★★ Watched 15 Mar, 2014 7

    A film where neither Channing Tatum or Maggie Gyllenhaal forced me to rip all my pretty sofa pillows to bits.
    This is indeed a better version of Olympus Has Fallen.