RSS feed for Harlequin
  • Gravity 2013

    Watched 04 Oct, 2014

    Here's what you're going to do:

    Make life or death decisions as if you're in a low budget horror, breathe heavily for 90 minutes, and use "space junk" at least twice in one sentence.

    I just saved you a lot of time.
    You're welcome :)

  • Space Pirate Captain Harlock 2013

    ★★★★ Watched 29 Sep, 2014 4

    In the future, mankind has discovered a way to travel faster than light and has built colonies on thousands of planets.
    But the resources of the universe are starting to dwindle, and the human race decides that is it time to begin the long journey back home. But as the race reached a staggering number of five hundred billion people, Earth no longer holds enough space for everyone.
    The desire to repopulate Earth starts the so-called "Homecoming War", a war…

  • Kara 2012

    ★★★★★ Watched 29 Sep, 2014

    Such a beautiful and powerful concept. The whole thing made me want to weep.

  • Scary Movie 5 2013

    ½ Watched 25 Sep, 2014 4

    You will not laugh. That's about it.

    My faith in humanity is slowly but surely dying.

  • Hitman 2007

    ★★★ Watched 16 Sep, 2014

    The oddest thing about Hitman is that it's enjoyable even though most of it doesn't work.
    Here are moments of highly implausible action and completely inappropriate dialogue, both going to such extremes that watching the actors try to make something out of it becomes... fascinating.

    A bald, tattooed assassin known only as Agent 47 (or in this case, Babyface. Come on, you can't look at Timothy Olyphant without wanting to pinch those cheeks. So cute!), is hired to kill Russian…

  • The Purge: Anarchy 2014

    ★★★½ Watched 08 Sep, 2014 7

    When I first noticed the promise of a sequel to The Purge floating around the internet, I became instantaneously flooded with hope.
    I liked the first one. No shame. I saw the potential, I saw the brilliant idea behind, and I saw how it struggled to breathe under the crushing weight of a big, fat, disgusting PG-fucking-13 rating.

    Now I will state in my personal opinion that people suck.
    If you hate this franchise.. well.. then I hate YOU even…

  • Neverwas 2005

    ★★★★ Rewatched 11 Jul, 2014 5

    Ian McKellen's acting in this is outstanding! I'm equally as amazed every time I watch it. Plus, the story is surprisingly touching and very well executed.

  • Take Shelter 2011

    ★★ Watched 29 Jun, 2014 3

    I'm not going to lie, I did get distracted by pretty butterflies doing dangerous flips through fire hoops... and basically everything else going on in my living room. Which isn't much during a normal Sunday afternoon.
    My attention span isn't the greatest, shiny things tend to sidetrack me, but this film literally force fed my disorder with big spoonfuls of spiky, pointy, rusty nails.

    But just so we're clear. I'm not saying it's a boring film. It's just not my…

  • Oldboy 2013

    ★★★½ Watched 25 Jun, 2014

    I liked it. Whatever. Fuck you.

  • We Are What We Are 2013

    ★★ Watched 21 Jun, 2014 2

    This sort of plot has been run before. The acting and for most parts, the directing is what rises it above other films of the same origin.
    Now, I want to make a few things clear first. I don't like these kind of "cannibalistic" movies. It's not that it can't stomach it (if you can't laugh at your own puns, what kind of world would this be?!), but they tend to be either overly violent and perverted, or slow and…

  • The World's End 2013

    ★★½ Watched 17 Jun, 2014 4

    It's an okay film, but gets no where near the greatness of either Hot Fuzz or Shawn of the Dead. The story just kind of meandered for a bit where it looked like it was going in one direction, and then all of a sudden made a u-turn to go down a completely different path.
    I know this was intentional, but neither story was all that interesting.

    But perhaps I was disappointed with The World’s End because I couldn’t care…

  • 47 Ronin 2013

    ★★★ Watched 16 Jun, 2014

    Now that I sit down to review 47 Ronin I can't help but feel a little deflated. I went into this film wanting to munch on some epic samurai action.
    Sure, this portrayal of the 47 Ronin is only loosely related to the traditional story, but I'm cool with that. It is however a shame that the screen writers tethered their cart to a "real life tale", because I think the world could use more fantasy epics grounded in old…