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  • Assault on Precinct 13

    Assault on Precinct 13 1976

    ★★★★★ Rewatched 12 Aug, 2016 19

    I know that J. Carp really wanted to make a western and this was his ode to the genre he loves, but I also love that Assault on Precinct 13 is basically Night of the Living Dead in a police station instead of a farmhouse, with menacing gang members with murky motives coming in through the windows and doors in place of zombies, the protagonists trapped inside discuss whether or not they should go to the attic or the basement…

  • Seedpeople

    Seedpeople 1992

    Watched 11 Aug, 2016 12

    I love that in the opening credits of Seedpeople, Charles Band had the nerve to give himself an "original story by" credit because this is such an Invasion of the Body Snatchers clone and he is clearly a delusional p.o.s.. This movie is boring as hell & stupid.*

    *Original review by Hollie Horror

  • Arena

    Arena 1989

    ★★★★ Watched 10 Aug, 2016 46

    Arena was more than a pleasant surprise, you know, for a Charles Band production, and I was quite taken by the quality of the sets/costumes/acting and especially the creature effects, so once the credits were rolling it wasn't a surprise to see they were supplied by the likes of John Carl Buechler and Screaming Mad George.

    A humanoid fighter in space becomes the galaxy's champion and I'm just eating it all up, it's a formulaic underdog story that is quite…

  • Psycho Girls

    Psycho Girls 1985

    Watched 09 Aug, 2016 7

    For some reason I was under the impression that Psycho Girls was going to be fun but I was so wrong to be optimistic this one time in my horrible life because the movie is fucking excruciatingly boring as it's heavy on the narration and endless pseudo intellectual dinner talk between men (as the women sit there silently pushing food around on a plate or smoking cigarettes because, well, they're women, they can't be writers, filmmakers or psychologists capable of…

  • The Final Girls

    The Final Girls 2015

    ★★★½ Watched 09 Aug, 2016 9

    Any horror comedy that makes me cry receives an automatic 3+ rating. I don't have too much to say about The Final Girls other than I found it enjoyable and I really, really loved the character of Tina ("What's up with this cassette?"), she was adorable and hilarious and looked the most '80s of the entire cast, I also [always] really like Alia Shawkat. It was also almost surreal to watch a movie co-written by Joshua John Miller, who starred…

  • Beastmaster III: The Eye of Braxus

    Beastmaster III: The Eye of Braxus 1996

    ★½ Watched 09 Aug, 2016 14

    Well, I finally watched Beastmaster III: The Eye of Braxus and I decided to review this movie entirely in gifs, you're welcome.

  • 10 Cloverfield Lane

    10 Cloverfield Lane 2016

    ★★★★ Watched 08 Aug, 2016 8

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I'm such a god damn hermit that if I was in this situation, before even thinking of a way to make a Z for Zachariah suit, I would have tried to figure out a way to kill John Goodman's character so I could hang out in that bunker all by myself with all those movies and goldfish crackers, I would have also tried to keep Emmet around until beating him at Monopoly wasn't fun anymore, then and only then would I begin considering venturing outside, just like real life.

  • When He Didn't Come Home

    When He Didn't Come Home 1998

    ★★½ Watched 07 Aug, 2016

    Usually when I read about the true crime the film was based on (always after I watch the movie), I'm forgiving of the changed details, because obviously they have to make a watchable movie, but this is the first time that I enjoyed a movie less after reading about the crime that inspired the made-for-TV movie.

    When He Didn't Come Home stars typecast TV-Movie Mom Patty Duke (who is always enjoyable) as a mother working closely with her son's fiance…

  • The Abomination

    The Abomination 1986

    ★★★ Watched 05 Aug, 2016 17

    The Abomination is a backyard horror movie from Texas made by a guy who must have been really into David Cronenberg at the time. I could probably make a case for this based solely on his inclusion of a coughed up tumor that grows into a man eating monster alone, but with the evil televangelist and the tumor exiting and entering through oral cavities, it's hard not to notice the endearing influence.

    While the entire movie is mostly a glorified…

  • The Ward

    The Ward 2010

    ★½ Rewatched 04 Aug, 2016 16

    As soon as The Ward was in the blu-ray player, I dropped my head into my hands, shaking it back and forth, slowly as if this motion/ritual would help coax out the words that soon escaped me, in a disgusting and nasally western New York accent - "Jesus fucking Christ I can't believe I'm watching this shit again."

    I'm a bit mad at myself for not checking out the special features on the disc, but I really need to watch…

  • A Gnome Named Gnorm

    A Gnome Named Gnorm 1990

    Rewatched 03 Aug, 2016 39

    My friend Austin recently watched A Gnome Named Gnorm and I was hit with a wave of nostalgia when I saw his review come up in my activity feed, I loved this movie as a kid, which is why it's impossible to rate on re-watch, there's a struggle deep within between my 10-year-old self and this 33-year-old outdated version.

    I'm not sure if I read it before or not, but last night it was a bit of a surprise to…

  • Born of Fire

    Born of Fire 1987

    ★★★★½ Watched 03 Aug, 2016 1

    An astronomer studying the volcanic activity in Turkey accompanies her friend who is a flutist in search of the master musician who disfigured his flutist father many years earlier, although, you'll soon realize that all of this plot development in the opening of the film is secondary once they leave England and arrive in Turkey.

    Born of Fire evolves into visual poetry, using the incredible landscape of Turkey to bewitch us, enchanted by this ethereal location, swept up in the…