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  • Night of the Living Dorks

    Night of the Living Dorks 2004

    ★★½ Watched 02 Feb, 2016 6

    If the same exact script was made in Germany (country of origin) and the United States, the only difference really being German vs English language, which one would come out on top?

    Maybe that depends on where you're from?

    I've thought about it before and now I want to ask you, do you think some movies seem to be better (despite having all of the same tropes and cliches of American teen horror-comedies) because they're foreign language? Maybe because I…

  • Frat House Massacre

    Frat House Massacre 2008

    ★★★ Watched 02 Feb, 2016 8

    The most powerful scene in Frat House Massacre was when the beefcake leader of the fraternity slammed a door in a handful of girls faces after scathingly spitting out "JEALOUS WHORES," and then the camera zooms in on the golden plate adhered to the door, it read - GENTLEMEN.

    The second best thing about Frat House Massacre is that in every scene where there is both a woman and a man undressing, the woman is out of focus as the…

  • The Penny Dreadful Picture Show

    The Penny Dreadful Picture Show 2013

    ★★ Watched 01 Feb, 2016 13

    The Penny Dreadful Picture Show is a horror anthology with three segments and a super annoying wraparound with music that sounds suspiciously like the theme from Beetlejuice.

    The first segment is actually the 5-minute short film Slash-in-the-Box, which I had already seen so this anthology and I started out on the wrong foot.

    Next up we have The Morning After which, I suppose, is the best of the bunch, a 1960s set vampire story.

    Finally, the last segment, Slaughter House

  • Beverly Hills Bodysnatchers

    Beverly Hills Bodysnatchers 1989

    Watched 01 Feb, 2016 3

    I was hoping for something along the lines of Mafia/Innocent Blood meets Mortuary Academy but all I got was something along the lines of C.H.U.D II: Bud the Chud meets Corky Romano.

    Beverly Hills Bodysnatchers does seem to have a good chunk of the cast from Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors though, if that's important to you.

  • Frightmares

    Frightmares 1997

    ★½ Watched 31 Jan, 2016 3

    From the director of Death Metal Zombies, Evil Night and Demon Dolls, Todd Jason Cook, comes a horror anthology with a very, very simple formula:

    -Walk slowly, aimlessly through terribly lit SOV hell
    -Reach for something at a sluggish pace
    -Oh no! What is it? Something scary?
    -Wake up
    -It was all a dream!
    -Repeat until end of segment
    -Final scare shown off screen for minimum effect

    This happens in all three segments and each one feels like an eternity…

  • Frightmares

    Frightmares 1987

    ★★½ Watched 31 Jan, 2016 2

    Not to be confused with Frightmares with Jeffrey Combs from 1983 or the other horror anthology, Frightmares from 1997, this Frightmares is a British horror anthology from 1987 starring John Hurt in an empty theater introducing all three segments to the non-existent audience.

    The first and second segments (Vengeance and Holiday for Three) were quite unremarkable but the third segment, The Short Night was easily the best part of the movie. In this segment, a woman who is being stalked…

  • Meat Market

    Meat Market 2000

    ★★ Watched 30 Jan, 2016 1

    Two stars for the back-to-back gratuitous shower scenes that took me by surprise! Just as I was rolling my eyes as a girl was needlessly shown soaping up before being attacked by a zombie Psycho style, the next scene is a man in the shower doing the exact same soaping up routine with a camera panning up and down his body before being attacked by a female zombie (the girl from the previous scene). Of all of the horror films…

  • Fright Show

    Fright Show 1985

    ★★★½ Watched 30 Jan, 2016

    Fright Show aka Cinemagic is a horror anthology/compilation of s[h]orts with two dorky film critics putting on their best Siskel & Ebert as they present the audience with four segments that were chosen from a bunch of submitted short-films.

    The first segment is called Dr. Dobermind and it's actually directed by Johnathan Mostow who would go on to direct Terminator 3 and Breakdown with Kurt Russell. It's actually a really fun segment, a group of little girls on a field trip…

  • Kiss The Bride

    Kiss The Bride 2002

    ½ Watched 29 Jan, 2016

    Burt Young (best friend Paulie) and Talia Shire (Yo Adrian!) play a stereotypical Italian-American married couple with four horrible, loathsome daughters in this epic 89-minute CRINGE. Kiss the Bride is the most excruciating, uncomfortable experience I've had in the past few days.

    I don't know if I'm done with terrible Italian-American caricature comedies featuring Burt Young yet, but I am pretty much over Norwegian Netflix's catalog. Is this truly where shitty American movies come to die??

  • Shadows of the Mind

    Shadows of the Mind 1980

    ★★★ Watched 29 Jan, 2016 4

    From Roger Watkins (director of The Last House on Dead End Street) comes Shadows of the Mind, a slasher in the sense that you must be patient and wait for the bodies to drop at the very end.

    I fell asleep on the couch almost as soon as this movie began, after an exhausting day yesterday, rocked to sleep by the sounds of the female lead, Elise, screaming, crying, and hysterically calling for her father intermixed with whispers of "please…

  • Bloody Scary Horror

    Bloody Scary Horror 1992

    ★★★ Watched 29 Jan, 2016 1

    Bloody Scary Horror is a low-budget, Japanese horror anthology from 1992 split into four 15-minute segments, the movie does not have a wraparound segment, just a grey, squiggly transition into each tale.

    The first segment is translated to Best Seller, about a few medical students moving into an apartment next to an author who is killed by a mysterious death cult.

    Next up is Haunted House, featuring a private detective searching for a missing woman in a neighborhood where people…

  • Plan B

    Plan B 2001

    ★★ Watched 28 Jan, 2016

    The story behind Plan B is a bit more interesting than the film itself. The scriptwriter, Lisa Lutz, spent 10 years of her life rewriting this script and after the 25th rewrite her film was finally made--it flopped, big time. She has since vowed to never write another movie.

    I probably would have liked Plan B more if Diane Keaton wasn't in it, she was so god damn awful; in playing a clumsy bookkeeper, she was constantly yelling "oh!" while…