The condensed version of "Man of Steel":

Exposition.
Exposition.
I came here for Henry Cavill. Where is Henry Cavill?
Exposition.
Bearded Henry Cavill on fire? Don't mind if I do...
Climax?
Nope.
Eye-rolling romance.
Climax?
Still nope.
Okay, this has GOT to be the climax. Right? Please?
Hahahaha, nope.
JUST DIE ALREADY.
Is this still going on?
(bladder explodes)

Jokes aside, this was pretty disappointing. The trailer looked so promising, but I was cringing throughout most of the film. After…

Number one on my list of iconic movies that I'm embarrassed that I've never seen has finally been watched! This film can be described one word; unsettling. There may not be many "jump-in-your-seat" moments, but it doesn't make this film any less terrifying. I confess that, by modern standards, some of the scary imagery wasn't all that scary to me, like the blood flooding out of the elevator or the twins talking in unison. Also, the creepy music playing for…

You can call me pretentious and you probably wouldn't be wrong, but something about movies that rely so heavily on limp one-liners and lots of explosions just doesn't do it for me. It's cheap entertainment to me; I'd rather come out of a theater with a new perspective or with something to think about several days after viewing. Though I understand it wasn't meant to, Iron Man 3 definitely doesn't achieve this. It's all in good fun, sure. I can…