Dispair, a beatless heart and a longing to be free…are just a few of the emotions I felt while watching Dark Shadows.

Yet another film suffers from a trailer that spoils every good moment and promises a different genre than that of which you will inevitably get. Sick did I feel when many a moment, bound for laughter, drew only a ‘titter’ at best. The opening is a kick in the balls and makes you believe, No! No simple jokes from us, we are a dark tale, a serious tale. A tale that will…long story short, it fails to continue on this path to, making this a indistinguishable hybrid.

You may ask, what is a vampire doing in the 70’s? I unfortunatley have no answer for you, I can only shrug my shoulder’s. The plot is easy to pull apart with some bizarre, short lived and pointless directions, but it’s not until the end that you realise that you are quite disappointed on the whole. The delivery is slow and the dialogue descends through the crappy into the stupid.

On the acting side of things, Johnny Depp is mildly amusing, but Eva Green is obviously struggling to tame her over-acting teeth, too grinny, too much, too shit.

I think it may be time to end this ‘team’, this ‘gaggle’ of Burton, Depp, Carter and Elfman. After wonderland’s, demon barber’s and chocolate factories of film experimentation, there are no more anomalies, only a series of disappointing films.