Watched Sep 09, 2012
Halloween H20 is one of those horror films that tends to divide opinion. Most people would agree that it isn’t a patch on the original film although there are some, me included, who think that it is a reasonable entry into the series and a film that, whilst probably unnecessary, does exactly what you want it to. Furthermore, I think there are few people who would dispute the fact that it works nicely as a way of bringing the story of Michael Myers to a close. The final face-off, between Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis) and Michael acts as a way of rectifying all of the mistakes of the previous films and puts the whole story to rest in a manner that is entertaining and rather poignant. Therefore, the sheer concept of Halloween: Resurrection is one that I find incredibly difficult to get behind. As an unashamed Halloween fanboy, it’s surprising - even to me - that I’ve only ever watched this film twice before today. As such, I was hoping and praying that many of the negative opinions I've formed about this film over the years would turn out to be unfair and overstated. Alas, I can now safely say that this is the last time I’ll ever sit through this steaming pile of horse shit.
The plot – if one can call it that – begins by asking us to believe that Laurie Strode, cinema’s greatest Final Girl, is now a moron. Apparently she didn’t decapitate Michael at all at the end of Halloween H20, but some innocent paramedic who had had his larynx crushed. As a result of this mistake, she’s now locked up in an institution waiting for the day Michael returns. On cue, three years after they last met, he comes back and finally finishes her off. Now, in this film’s defence, up until the moment Laurie is killed, the film is pretty good. Jamie Lee Curtis is great and there’s a real sense of dread and uncertainty thanks to the directing talents of Rick Rosenthal, the man responsible for Halloween II. Okay, the explanation for Michael’s survival is utterly pathetic but at least the dynamic between him and Laurie remains intriguing and there’s a lot to be said for the chase scene in the sanatorium. And then she dies. That’s right. Laurie Strode dies and not only that but she dies in the most pathetic way ever. You’d think if you were going to have your greatest asset bumped off in the first fifteen minutes that you’d at least do it with a bit of style, but no. Laurie is reduced from the strong-willed, methodical survivor of Halloween H20 to a dribbling imbecile all in the space of a few moments. And from that point on, the film completely falls apart.
The rest of the story focuses on a group of people who have been selected to spend Halloween night in the Myers house. Six walking clichés, three blokes and three girls, are given handheld cameras (through which we are forced to watch much of the action unfold, and suffer numerous headaches in the process) and are told to explore the house. And wouldn’t you know it, Michael Myers then turns up to do them all in. Some ludicrous subplot involving an online relationship between one of the housemates, Sarah (Bianca Kajlich), and one of the people watching the events over the internet, Myles / Deckard (Ryan Merriman) is utilised in order to keep the story flowing but it’s all so lazy and contrived that nothing can salvage this mess of a film. The acting is dreadful all round (with the exception of Jamie Lee Curtis), the film is completely devoid of all horror and originality and even the soundtrack is all but unbearable. As soon as Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks turn up, you just know it’s going to be a flop.
This isn’t the Halloween that I know and love. It isn’t the Haddonfield, the Michael Myers or the Laurie Strode that I know and love. It’s a pitiful, shameful excuse for a film that is cashing in on the popularity of the franchise. Whilst I find Rob Zombie’s remakes unpardonable, there is no denying that this film was the final nail in the coffin for the Halloween series. It’s a great shame because, in a weird way, this actually could have worked if they’d put the tiniest bit of thought or care into it.