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  • Star Wars - Despecialized Edition 1977

    ★★★★★ Watched 21 Oct, 2014 2

    Actual conversations I had with my 2 and a half year old son, Jack, while watching this:

    Jack (As opening scroll starts): Ooooooooooohhhhh.
    Me: I know!


    Jack: Moon.
    Me: Yup.
    Jack: Big moon.
    Me: Uh huh.
    Jack: Spaceship!
    Me: Sure is.


    Jack: Star Wars is cool!
    Me: I know!


    Me (as Darth Vader enters): Who's that, dude? You know who that is.
    Jack: Dr. Doom!
    Me: Hahahahahahaaaaaaa!!! That's the best wrong guess ever.


    Jack: Star Wars…

  • I Am Sam 2014

    Watched 16 Oct, 2014 9

    Read other, smarter people's reviews. Then watch this. Or vice versa.

  • Evil Dead II 1987

    ★★★★★ Rewatched 13 Oct, 2014 21

    Evil Dead II is better than Casablanca, Lawrence of Arabia, Singin' in the Rain, and Gone With the Wind combined.

    [note: I've never seen Casablanca, Lawrence of Arabia, Singin' in the Rain, or Gone With the Wind, but my gut tells me I'm right on this one.]

  • The Avengers 2012

    ★★★ Rewatched 12 Oct, 2014 25

    Actual conversations I had with my 2 and a half year old son, Jack, while watching this:

    Jack: Who dat?
    Me: Loki.
    Jack: [Looks confused.]
    Me: I don't know. He's a god like Thor. Or maybe a demigod ... [trails off realizing that mentioning a real villain like Dr. Doom would just upset the boy.]


    Jack: Watch something else?
    Me: Dude, this has Iron Man and Hulk and Captain America in it ... eventually.


    Jack: Where's Hulk?

  • Oculus 2013

    ★★ Watched 18 Sep, 2014 18

    I already forgot I watched this last night.

  • Sunshine 2007

    ★★★ Rewatched 31 Aug, 2014 8

    Has another film ever so thoroughly and completely shit the bed?

  • Action U.S.A. 1989

    ★★★★ Watched 30 Aug, 2014 2

    Having already acknowledged that my rating might be inflated due to yesterday's Rollergator incident, I still feel it's my duty to recommend this movie to anyone who's a fan of stuntmen doing crazy shit. It's not quite as berserk as Arizal's movies due to the fact we have laws in the U.S., but it's pretty close.

    The first five minutes are a little wonky, but then the film kicks into 10 straight minutes of action bliss. It starts of with…

  • Rollergator 1996

    Watched 29 Aug, 2014 26

    This might be the most unwatchable movie I've ever seen. I watch a lot of really terrible crap, so I realize that that's a fairly bold statement. But Rollergator is completely inept in its filmmaking, 99% offensively unfunny in its humor, and comprised of about 5 minutes of plot and 80 minutes of unintelligible dialogue.

    A movie like Birdemic: Shock and Terror transcends its awfulness because the lack of talent involved inadvertently turns the film into a Lynch-ian nightmare even…

  • I Got the Hook Up 1998

    ★★½ Rewatched 09 Aug, 2014 15

    Turns out that when I get up at 6:00 am on a Saturday, the best movie I can think of to watch is one starring Master P. Actually, I was hoping to watch some Rudy Ray Moore, but Netflix pulled all the Dolemite movies and somehow I thought this would be a good substitute. [Please note that I have seen this before.]

    Master P was clearly heavily influenced by Friday, going so far as to cast Tiny "Zeus" Lister and…

  • Airplane! 1980

    ★★★★★ Rewatched 27 Jul, 2014 18

    1) It's been scientifically proven that this is the funniest movie of all time, so we don't need to have that conversation any more.

    2) I thought jive was an actual language until I was maybe 13.

    3) For some odd reason the visual gag of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar being pulled away from the cockpit wearing his Lakers gear and goggles is one of my favorite jokes in the movie.

    4) This movie is rated PG but has boobs in it,…

  • Major League 1989

    ★★★★ Rewatched 26 Jul, 2014 3

    I'm not going to pretend like nostalgia doesn't play a big part in my love for this movie, but I will defend every actor as being absolutely perfect in their role.

    Sure, the love story crap is kind of weak, but Bob Ueuker makes up for any and every possible problem one could find in this movie.

  • Under the Skin 2013

    Watched 25 Jul, 2014 11

    Wife (as credits roll): What, I gotta take a class on this now?

    Under the Skin is easily the most fascinating and audacious film I've watched in the last year. I love to be challenged by a film, and this one asks a lot of its audience while simultaneously not really caring what anyone thinks. Director Jonathan Glazer wears his influences on his sleeve, but melds them into an experience unlike anything else.

    Ultimately, the repetitive nature of the story…