RSS feed for Jeff
  • Deathgasm

    Deathgasm 2015

    ★★½ Watched 19 Jul, 2016

    Between this and Deadpool, I may never laugh at a dick joke ever again.

  • Fateful Findings

    Fateful Findings 2013

    Watched 22 Jun, 2016

    Completely unratable as I had no idea what was going on about 90% of the time. I feel writer/director/producer/star/editor/caterer Neil Breen had a vision and a message to impart, but it all got muddled in a fog of hubris and complete ineptitude.

    I did appreciate that it was explained why Breen's character had four fucking laptops. I mean, what else can you set your cup of coffee, and chuck books at when you're mad, and playfully throw on the floor in an awkward mating ritual? Nothing, that's what.

  • The Wanderers

    The Wanderers 1979

    ★★★★ Watched 12 Jun, 2016

    Has does this have less than 700 views? That is bonkers.

  • Stone Cold

    Stone Cold 1991

    ★★★½ Watched 02 Jun, 2016

    Not quite enough insanity to get into the upper echelon of gonzo action movies, but the shit that's crazy is super bonkers (and usually involves William Forsythe). The rest is relatively entertaining and Brian Bosworth doesn't suck nearly as bad as you'd think. I mean he still sucks but he has a giant head, so that's a plus. Thumbs up.

  • Tusk

    Tusk 2014

    ★★½ Watched 24 May, 2016 2

    I think I figured it out. Tusk would have been fantastic if the first hour and twenty minutes had been played completely straight. No lame-ass Canada jokes, no Justin Long mugging like an idiot, no Johnny Depp doing whatever the hell he was doing. Then the walrus fight (which was the only funny thing in the movie) would have been a brilliant punchline to a very long set up. Instead it's Kevin Smith constantly reassuring us that he's just kidding,…

  • We are Twisted Fucking Sister!

    We are Twisted Fucking Sister! 2014

    ★★★★ Watched 06 May, 2016 3

    Not a particularly well made documentary, but quite entertaining and surprisingly spry and breezy at a questionable 2 hours and 14 minutes. 

    But here's the amazing thing about this flick (and its runtime): the movie ends with Twisted Sister getting signed to Atlantic Records. The whole thing is about the seven years they spent building their fan base playing in New York and New Jersey.  

    The other cool thing is that there is a fair amount of footage of the…

  • When Harry Met Sally...

    When Harry Met Sally... 1989

    ★★★★ Rewatched 03 May, 2016

    Billy Crystal without beard: schlubby dork

    Billy Crystal with beard: PANTY-DROPPING SEX MONSTER

  • Bone Tomahawk

    Bone Tomahawk 2015

    ★★★½ Watched 30 Mar, 2016 12

    That third act should have pulled the whole thing together and really done something with the themes that had been set up. But instead it just sinks into silliness so there's no gravity to anything that happens. 

    And that song over the end credits. What the fuck.

  • Pee-wee's Big Holiday

    Pee-wee's Big Holiday 2016

    ★★★★ Watched 19 Mar, 2016 2

    Probably not a 4-star movie, but my almost-4-year-old and I laughed a lot.

  • Armageddon

    Armageddon 1998

    ★½ Rewatched 09 Feb, 2016

    Racist, sexist, jingoistic, and aggressively stupid, Armageddon has no redeeming qualities other than its eerie ushering-in of the anti-intellectualism of George W. Bush's America that we still have to deal with almost 20 years later.

    On second thought, the special effects hold up exceptionally well, so that's a redeeming quality. But Ben Affleck is so, so, so, so bad that he completely negates that very small positive (and then some).

  • Turbo Kid

    Turbo Kid 2015

    ★★★ Watched 03 Feb, 2016

    You know, you could actually make a movie that's an homage to '80s movies without putting Rubik's Cubes and View-Masters and Nintendo peripherals in it to make sure we get it. We get it.

    Honestly, I was a little bored for most of the runtime, but Turbo Kid gets a pass for three reasons:

    1) Michael Ironside rules.
    2) The violence, while kind of out of place, was amusing to me.
    3) I might be madly in love with Apple.

  • The Chickening