RSS feed for Jeff
  • Wrong Cops 2013

    ★★★½ Watched 20 Apr, 2014 8

    The 3.5 rating is a preemptive rating. See, I was a little closer to "meh" upon finishing Wrong Cops than that rating would imply. But, with the slightest amount of reflection, I can recognize the fact that had I seen this when I was 19 I would have forced my friends to watch it and we would have quoted it for years. And I'm positive that I would find it much funnier on a second viewing due to the nature…

  • The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh 1977

    ★★★½ Rewatched 19 Apr, 2014 17

    This fucking bullshit has been on constant rotation in my goddamn house for months thanks to my asshole kid. I mean, I watched it all the time when I was a kid so I can't really fault him. And the part where Pooh tries to steal honey from the bees makes him giggle like an idiotic moron, and I enjoy that. And those final minutes where Christopher Robin asks Pooh to never forget him are an absolute heart wrenching reminder of the innocence of youth that even I can't deny.

    WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT, PUSSY?!?!?

  • Adore 2013

    ★½ Watched 07 Apr, 2014 7

    FilmApe,

    This movie is super dumb. It's a dumb concept that seem like maybe it's going to at least partially succeed due to the performances of Naomi Watts and Robin Wright. But the dudes that play their sons are given nothing to work with (not that either of them could have handled actually having to act), and the second half is just so stupid.

    My wife took umbrage with the idea that some young, hot guy would want to bang…

  • The Muppets Take Manhattan 1984

    ★★★★★ Rewatched 12 Apr, 2014 5

    Yeah, so, uh, two watches in a week. My wife put it on this time so it's not weird.

  • Funky Forest: The First Contact 2005

    Added 4

    Well I've watched over 35 minutes of this now. Can anyone tell me whether I should bother with the other 2 hours?

  • A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge 1985

    ★★★ Watched 05 Apr, 2014 23

    This was not nearly as gay as I thought it was going to be. It's still pretty gay, though. I think I was expecting everything in the background to be shaped like a phallus or something, but only about half the stuff in the background is wang-shaped.

    I thought all the homosexual subtext was pretty great. Despite this kid's urges manifesting themselves as evil incarnate, Freddy Kruger, I think a case could be made that it's really more about how…

  • Rush: Beyond the Lighted Stage 2010

    ★★★½ Rewatched 05 Apr, 2014 4

    I guess I'm still watching rock docs. Rewatching, even. A zebra can't change its stripes.

    One of the themes of Rush: Beyond the Lighted Stage is how immensely uncool Rush is. And a big part of the film's charm is in Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson, and Neil Peart embracing the fact that they are super uncool.

    I like Rush but I've never been able to love them, partly because they are so goddamn nerdy. A band like Devo made being…

  • 20 Feet from Stardom 2013

    ★★★ Watched 04 Apr, 2014

    Seems I may have reached capacity on rock docs. Despite the fact this is a watchable and completely entertaining documentary about the women whose voices have been on some of the most famous recordings of all time, I just couldn't find it in my heart to give a shit.

    My apathy stems from two places: first, the music industry is a cruel bitch that's chewed up and spit out thousands upon thousands of people. I find it hard to sympathize…

  • The Muppets Take Manhattan 1984

    ★★★★★ Watched 05 Apr, 2014 3

    Pete: Hey, I tell you what is. Big city, hmm? Live, work, huh? But not city only. Only peoples. Peoples is peoples. No is buildings. Is tomatoes, huh? Is peoples, is dancing, is music, is potatoes. So, peoples is peoples. Okay?

    Statler: Hey, look, Waldorf. It's a frog and a pig.
    Waldorf: Yeah, it looks like they're in love.
    Statler: Yeah.
    Waldorf: Kinda makes you sick, doesn't it?

    Ronnie Crawford: Dad! Dad! I've got great news!
    Bernard Crawford: [looking at…

  • ROCK: It's Your Decision 1982

    ★½ Watched 02 Apr, 2014 12

    I must be getting old because this horribly dated piece of Christian propaganda about the evils of rock music barely made me smile.

    In it, our protagonist Jeff (no relation) is going through some hard times. The kind of hard times that white, middle class teenagers who hold after school jobs and go to youth group every week have. You know, total bullshit problems. Basically he's an idiot teenager with a mom who is on the bitchier end of the…

  • Electric Dragon 80000V 2002

    ★★★★ Watched 29 Mar, 2014 2

    See, the problem here is that this is so right up my alley.

    ☑ Rock and roll
    ☑ Looks cool
    ☑ Japanese weirdness

    Yup. Take this all with a grain of salt because I can't be trusted from here on out.

    Our protagonist, Dragon Eye Morrison, is a boxer/noise guitarist/lizard enthusiast who can shoot electricity from his fists due to being electrocuted on an electrical tower when he was a child. The other dude is is a half-man/half metal Buddha…

  • Divergent 2014

    ★★★ Watched 22 Mar, 2014 9

    "Twenty three fuckin' dollars for the two of us? I don't even really know what this movie is."

    "Good God with these previews. Every goddamn movie looks like a video game."

    "Oh, it's The Slightly Peckish Games."

    "Alright, at least this is moving along at a good pace."

    "The fuck is up with these songs?"

    "Wait, how much movie is still left?"

    "Wait, is this a kissing movie?"

    "Dude, these songs."

    "This girl is kind of a babe."

    "This guy…