RSS feed for Jeff
  • Turbo Kid

    Turbo Kid 2015

    ★★★ Watched 03 Feb, 2016

    You know, you could actually make a movie that's an homage to '80s movies without putting Rubik's Cubes and View-Masters and Nintendo peripherals in it to make sure we get it. We get it.

    Honestly, I was a little bored for most of the runtime, but Turbo Kid gets a pass for three reasons:

    1) Michael Ironside rules.
    2) The violence, while kind of out of place, was amusing to me.
    3) I might be madly in love with Apple.

  • The Chickening
  • Rewind This!

    Rewind This! 2013

    ★★★ Watched 19 Jan, 2016

    Minus half a star for that dork's closing remarks about "Be Kind, Rewind" being words to live by, or whatever the fuck he was going on about.

    Plus half a star for Frank Hennenlotter.

  • 52 Pick-Up

    52 Pick-Up 1986

    ★★½ Watched 16 Jan, 2016 2

    Would have benefited from being 30-60 minutes shorter.

    Minus half a star for the dumbest fucking ending of all time.

  • Gayniggers from Outer Space

    Gayniggers from Outer Space 1992

    Watched 10 Jan, 2016 4

    A biting satire that also gives a surprisingly insightful look into what it's like to be a minority within another minority. Director Morten Lindberg deftly handles the nuanced screenplay and successfully overcomes the film's budgetary restraints to create a a very real feeling universe in which the characters are fully fleshed out in only 26 minutes.

    Just kidding, this is a total piece of shit.

  • Traxx

    Traxx 1988

    ★★★ Watched 28 Nov, 2015 4


  • Ninja III: The Domination

    Ninja III: The Domination 1984

    ★★★★½ Rewatched 07 Nov, 2015 10

    Even more bizarre and confusing than I remember, and I remember it being really, really bizarre and confusing.

    Truly one of the most unexplainable films ever made.

  • Back to the Future

    Back to the Future 1985

    ★★★★★ Rewatched 21 Oct, 2015 23

    I can vividly recall coming home on a Saturday afternoon in 1985, vibrating with excitement over the brilliance that was Back to the Future. In typical 7-year-old fashion, I needed to share my enthusiasm in great length and questionable ability with someone. Anyone! Who?! DAD!!

    One of the reasons this memory has always stuck with is because I completely spoiled the ending for my dad. I specifically remember reenacting the scene where we learn that Doc survived his confrontation with…

  • Mad Max: Fury Road

    Mad Max: Fury Road 2015

    ★★★★½ Watched 04 Sep, 2015

    I can't remember the last time I finished a movie and wanted to immediately watch it again. And I can't think of any other big, dumb action movie that I was still thinking about 12 hours later.

  • John Wick

    John Wick 2014

    ★★ Watched 12 Jul, 2015

    Part of me wants to praise the makers of John Wick for openly admitting they are stale as fuck with that Marilyn Manson song.

  • Show Off! How To Be Cool at Parties

    Show Off! How To Be Cool at Parties 1986

    Watched 01 Jul, 2015 14

    After watching a few videos about the dangers of heavy metal music and the impending conversion to Satanism of all '80s youth, I decided it was time for a little levity. Cue this "instructional" video starring Malcolm Jamal Warner (of TV's The Cosby Show), that one dildo that made wacky sounds with his mouth but wasn't in Police Academy, and a fistful of other assholes I didn't recognize.

    Turns out this was a much darker and more depressing experience than…

  • Law Enforcement Guide to Satanic Cults

    Law Enforcement Guide to Satanic Cults 1994

    ★★★ Watched 28 Jun, 2015 7

    Kinda boring but enough unintentional hilarity to justify its hour and fifteen minute runtime.

    FYI - Tomorrow, July 1st, is an important date on the Satanic calendar; it's a day of demon revels including blood sacrifices, sex with demons, and, according to this video, sex with large beasts. So, you guys got plans?