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  • The Fast and the Furious

    The Fast and the Furious 2001

    ★★½ Rewatched 24 Apr, 2015

    Three way tie for best thing:

    - A racer with zeal of a young Chris Tucker, while losing a race where a three-way sexual encounter is on the line, screaming, "My Ménaaaaaaage!".

    - Vin Diesel saying anything.

    - The big street racing event is called "Race Wars".

    Voting is open.

  • Monkey Kingdom

    Monkey Kingdom 2015

    ★★★★ Watched 20 Apr, 2015

    Much like the last three entries in the series, great footage a little marred by barf-inducing cutesy story and narration. What is this?! FOR CHILDREN?!

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  • Tusk

    Tusk 2014

    Watched 19 Sep, 2014

    A truly nightmarish experience. Never before has such shitty direction and writing sunk such a potentially fun and cult horror concept. Kevin Smith referenced The Human Centipede a lot when promoting and writing this thing which is appropriate as it felt like someone sewed buttholes into both my ears and eyes and just funneled shit in there for 100 minutes.

    For your consideration, I don't hate Kevin Smith. I downright like him. I straight up LOVE Clerks, Chasing Amy and…

  • Transformers: The Movie

    Transformers: The Movie 1986

    ★★½ Watched 23 Jun, 2014 1

    One full star is for the soundtrack, which is perfection. If nothing else comes out of my watching this, there will be tracks from the album on my ipod by dawn....