Reviewed Aug 14, 2012
Fraser Mckissack’s review:
I've been wrong about this film for a long time. This is probably the most American film ever made: it's racist, sexist, pro-military to the point of parody and absolutely dripping with cheese. Asians in the film are pre-modern rice eaters in tiny wooden huts, Russians are all drunks, African-Americans are wise cracking hoods or silverbacks, and women are either passive love objects or grinding sex objects. And god-fucking damn it if it isn't a shit load of awesome. If you take Armageddon seriously for one second it will all fall apart in front of you and reveal its hideously backwards core. But, watch it knowingly and you'll have a tonne of fun. Drink every time you see an American flag, and every time there is a slow motion shot, and every time there is sound in space and an explosion in space, and every time the U.S. takes responsibility for representing the whole world. There is even a slow motion pan of the fucking Iwo Jima flag raising!!! HOLY SHIT this film is beyond belief! God bless you Michael Bay you ridiculous man. Hahaha fuuck me I need to start writing reviews after the film has finished. A dude (don't know who doesn't matter) literally just asked "what are you doing with a gun in space?" Best piece of dialogue ever, did he not notice that the drilling buggies have fucking mini-guns?! This movie just gets better and better even though it should have finished an hour ago because Michael Bay blew his wad already and now it's just that messy post-jizzum stringy shit. Still some of the best post-jizzum stringy shit ever committed to celluloid though. "Sir, the override has been overridden" HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! They even planted a bloody American flag on the asteroid!
Not gonna lie, the ending kills me. I'm tearing up. "I love you Harry..."