Watched Jul 14, 2012
Josh Keown’s review:
"I prefer the Old Testament. I mean you've got to love a God who's not afraid to mete out a little vengeance when the need arises."
-Mr. Nobody (Val Kilmer)
My Val, My Val, what have ye done, pal? (Ooh, atrocious rhyme there.)
I can barely believe an actor of his calibre featured in this truly abysmal film. I despair for the career of the star from modern classics such as Tombstone (1993) and Heat (1995). I count myself amongst the fans of the Kilmer machine desperately praying for an explosive comeback. I shall however, compose myself, and contain my hopeless misery for old Val’s career and provide you with a review of The Traveler (Why, Val, Why?).
I could tell you this film’s bearable attributes, but that would make for an awfully short review. No, instead allow me to warn you of its shortcomings. First and foremost, the acting is dreadful, from every single individual throughout the whole film. Yes, even the Kilmernator, sadly, whose character could have easily been acted by a shop-window dummy. It’s agonizing to watch, made all the worse by a dire screenplay. The script is just (Oh Lord, I’ve run out of words to describe how terrible it is.) very, very, very bad, with Val’s character attempting to make profound lines and failing miserably. The music is so mismatched it’s actually laughable.
The premise – actually starts quite interestingly, with Kilmer’s man with no name confessing to six murders that haven’t actually happened yet, but quickly descends into a nonsensical mess. Don’t even get me started on the flashback scenes. Or scene, as the same awfully shot, acted and scripted setup is shown OVER and OVER until you know every character's words.
The absolute worst thing about this movie though? - Yes EVEN worse than its painful acting and appalling script – The terrible, horrendous, abysmal and thoroughly bad big twist. It literally defies logic. It renders the whole 80 some minutes before null and void.
SPOILERS AHEAD! (Though I would actually recommend just reading this instead of subjecting yourself to this horrendous piece of filmmaking.)
As it happens, Kilmer’s Mr Nobody, who has acted like he is exacting the wrath of God on these crooked cops for the film’s duration, is actually the murderer of Det. Black’s daughter (who is killed during the film’s opening.).
Wha? What the actual fuck? Let me try to straighten this in my head. The whole movie, we are made to assume the Drifter is a victim, an innocent tortured by these crooked cops for a crime he didn’t commit (the daughter’s murder.). He returns to enact brutal justice on them, yes? Only, it’s revealed he DID murder her. So he kills a child, they find him and try to make him confess, he dies, then HE gets to come back for revenge? It makes absolutley no sense! Words cannot describe how absurd and ridiculous this is.
VERDICT; I cannot state enough how much you shouldn’t watch this film. 96 minutes I will never reclaim. FUUUCKKK. Rant over.
1/5 or 2/10