"This is Inarritu. Who calls me at this dark hour?"
"Hey, Alejandro. It's me, John. Just thought I'd call, see how you're doing."
"I am alive. I breathe. This is... enough."
"Okay, great, well, that's great. Good to hear."
"The thin tendrils of air rasp through me like cold razors. It is an effort that would make Hercules balk. And yet I persist. For what else is there?"
"Sure. Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go…
"I went to see this movie but found the dialogue really annoying, high-pitched and whistling for the most part, made me want to run around a lot." - a dog
(PS this movie is straight-up offensive bullshit for the most part, on a number of levels, but I'm a sucker for siege movies, goddamnit. Two stars for the genre alone. But otherwise fuck this movie.)
Was Hook not a lesson to us all not to tamper with works of wonder? Tim Burton’s mystifyingly popular re-imagining of Lewis Carroll’s Alice stories does many things wrong even just on a surface level: that tedious Danny Elfman score; the weird obsession with violence against eyes; the torpor that infects everyone as they stand stiffly in front of green screens; the lazy cribbing from the Lord of the Rings films; introducing the amazing Mia Wazikowska to a wider audience…
Alejandro Amenábar’s ambitious, big-budget biopic of philosopher Hypatia – The Passion of the Christ for atheists – struggled to find distributors around the world, was dumped into cinemas with barely any publicity, and was criticised by Catholic groups in Spain for defaming Christianity: the polar opposite of Mel Gibson’s berserk Passion Play. Who knows why audiences didn’t connect with this tragic epic: it has the requisite visual wow-factor, moves at a clip, and is easily accessible.
Perhaps no one wants…