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  • Cockneys vs Zombies 2012

    ★★½ Watched 04 Jul, 2014

    Too much of this misfires to really heartily enjoy or recommend, but it is a decently pleasant watch and at the end of the day it knows exactly what it is. Also, it invariably would be more enjoyable to Brits and those from East London, although I got enough to get the basics.

    Really a 2-star movie, but I'm feeling generous and bumping it a half-star for the credits, Monty Python-esque song and use of elderly people cursing like sailors and shooting large guns.

  • I, Frankenstein 2014

    ½ Watched 04 Jul, 2014 3

    Stupendously, stunningly bad.

    In every single way, one of the worst big-budget ($65 million in this case) mainstream Hollywood releases of my lifetime. As a fan of the (admittedly average) Underworld series, I find it personally insulting that anyone would equate or rate higher this...thing.

    I weep for Yvonne Strahovski and Miranda Otto. I want to see more of them in bigger movies...but not if it means demeaning themselves like they and everyone involved does here.

    I can't even wrap…

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  • Identity Thief 2013

    ½ Watched 07 Mar, 2013 5

    I cannot fully express how much I hated this movie and how painful it was to sit through. It's supposedly a comedy, but none of the jokes are funny. I chuckled once at the very beginning for an Ayn Rand/Fountainhead joke from Jon Favreau and at the very end when Melissa McCarthy is talking to the kids. That's it.

    It's so incompetent, so boring and sooooo looonnnnngggggg, that I considered walking out about three different times. It takes a lot…

  • After Earth 2013

    Watched 30 May, 2013 2

    A gigantic, boring, ugly, nonsensical, poorly written, directed and acted piece of shit vanity project.

    Apparently, in the future (a mere 1000 years or so), evolution has turned Earth back over to the dinosaurs and while humanity has mastered lightspeed and deep space homing beacons, we still fight with pointy sticks.

    M. Night Shyamalan literally does almost nothing interesting, although to be fair to him, this is sub-par material from the start. Jaden Smith is asked to do things he…