Letterboxd — Your life in film

I cannot fully express how much I hated this movie and how painful it was to sit through. It's supposedly a comedy, but none of the jokes are funny. I chuckled once at the very beginning for an Ayn Rand/Fountainhead joke from Jon Favreau and at the very end when Melissa McCarthy is talking to the kids. That's it.

It's so incompetent, so boring and sooooo looonnnnngggggg, that I considered walking out about three different times. It takes a lot…

Shane Carruth's Upstream Color is the best film of 2013 so far (by a wide margin) and easily establishes itself as a modern American independent classic. It has been nine years since Shane Carruth emerged out of nowhere to become the toast of Sundance with Primer and this film is an improvement in almost every conceivable way over his debut feature. Upstream Color is a more mature, intelligent, engaging and moving artistic statement from the former mathematician and software engineer…

I expected a lot of things from IRON MAN 3, but I'm not sure I expected a Marvel TERMINATOR comedy. Not that that's a bad thing. It plays way more like a comedy than I thought it would, even with Shane Black at the helm.

There are some dark aspects to it, but the trailers were a bit misleading since it really doesn't show all the banter and one-liners. Again, that's not a bad thing. Nice surprise actually. It honestly…

This film's two - strike that, ONLY - funniest gags (you can't even really call them jokes) are:

1) Charlie Sheen's cat is named Emilio.
2) In depicting lesbian sex, footage of scissors "scissoring" is shown, as well as taco shells and hot dog buns are rubbing against each other. None of that is funny. What's funny is the final one of these where a model train set tunnel is shown and we expect a model train to go in…

If this is the best we can get from (yet another) Texas Chainsaw movie and reboot/remake/sequel/prequel/whatever, it's time to pack it in. I know we shouldn't look for a lot of morality in modern horror, but this film's narrative twists and "morality" is recognizable only to the mentally retarded and serial killers.

Yeah, "do your thing, cuz!" Nevermind that long blood trail leading to the wine cellar or the fact that you killed my boyfriend, best friend and a bunch…

PROS:
~ I liked it better than I thought I would
~ I wasn't as grossed out as I thought I would be. Also, I don't consider it "torture porn" on the level of the Hostel films or the Saw sequels, where audiences are either actively rooting against the victims and for the evil parties, or taking visceral pleasure in the pain and gore being shown on screen. It's a credit to Alvarez and company that it doesn't cross that…

Rape is played for laughs. Twice.

And that doesn't come close to being this film's worst sins.

There is a scene where Marlon Wayans simulates sex with stuffed animals. This isn't terribly funny in and of itself, but for 10-15 seconds it's not particularly offensive or bad. However, it goes on for THREE WHOLE MINUTES. Suddenly, a not-really-funny gag becomes an epic piece of performance art mixed with watching Carrot Top bomb in slow-mo. It's surreal, weird and indescribable.

But…

Sins of the Father, the Son and the Holy Gosling. Derek Cianfrance's imperfect generational triptych of tragic consequences and ironic destinies is bloated, uneven and a little ham-handed. And yet...

...and yet, I can't help but admire and root for its ambitions. it gets points for trying and for a first hour that is genuinely interesting and visually arresting (mostly due to Ryan Gosling - aka The Coolest Actor in the World. He might not have his scorpion jacket on,…