RSS feed for Jeremy
  • Identity Thief 2013

    ½ Watched 07 Mar, 2013 5

    I cannot fully express how much I hated this movie and how painful it was to sit through. It's supposedly a comedy, but none of the jokes are funny. I chuckled once at the very beginning for an Ayn Rand/Fountainhead joke from Jon Favreau and at the very end when Melissa McCarthy is talking to the kids. That's it.

    It's so incompetent, so boring and sooooo looonnnnngggggg, that I considered walking out about three different times. It takes a lot…

  • After Earth 2013

    Watched 30 May, 2013 2

    A gigantic, boring, ugly, nonsensical, poorly written, directed and acted piece of shit vanity project.

    Apparently, in the future (a mere 1000 years or so), evolution has turned Earth back over to the dinosaurs and while humanity has mastered lightspeed and deep space homing beacons, we still fight with pointy sticks.

    M. Night Shyamalan literally does almost nothing interesting, although to be fair to him, this is sub-par material from the start. Jaden Smith is asked to do things he…

  • In the Loop 2009

    ★★★★★ Watched 13 Sep, 2013 3

    Probably the most quotable movie you shouldn't quote in good company. Unless they're awesome.

    God, what a movie.

  • 300: Rise of an Empire 2014

    ★★★ Watched 30 Jul, 2014

    It's another ugly masturbatory stroll through history, but while Zack Snyder's original 300 was a drab, ridiculously self-serious bore, Noam Murro's unnecessary follow-up is an even more ridiculous exercise that somehow manages to top its predecessor and actually be...fun. This isn't because Murro is reinventing the wheel here or that the screenplay tops the paper-thin outline of the original. No, this sequel's improvement comes down to one simple factor.

    Eva. Fucking. Green.

    That's it. Sullivan Stapleton is a big dull…

  • I, Frankenstein 2014

    ½ Watched 04 Jul, 2014 3

    Stupendously, stunningly bad.

    In every single way, one of the worst big-budget ($65 million in this case) mainstream Hollywood releases of my lifetime. As a fan of the (admittedly average) Underworld series, I find it personally insulting that anyone would equate or rate higher this...thing.

    I weep for Yvonne Strahovski and Miranda Otto. I want to see more of them in bigger movies...but not if it means demeaning themselves like they and everyone involved does here.

    I can't even wrap…

  • American Hustle 2013

    ★★ Watched 14 Jan, 2014 2

    You all have been hoodwinked by a plethora of con men, both fictional and real. That's the only explanation I can come up with.

    What a mess.

  • The Wolf of Wall Street 2013

    ★★★★½ Watched 06 Jan, 2014

    3 things I immediately take from THE WOLF OF WALL STREET:

    1.) There is perhaps more movie bang-for-the-buck in this than any other movie I've seen in the last year. There's just so much movie here, it's bursting at the seams.

    2.) The only way WOLF promotes or glorifies Jordan Belfort and what goes on in the film is if you find any or all of it appealing. There is so much drug use, I gagged a bit towards the…

  • Her 2013

    ★★★★½ Watched 12 Oct, 2013

    Honestly, I can't even fully process Spike Jonze's latest. I will say, it is astounding that Hollywood studios can release garbage week after week, month after month...and then give the green light to something like Spike Jonze's Her. Kudos to Jonze, Joaquin Phoenix, Scarlett Johansson, Megan Ellison (the fairy godmother of American cinema right now) and yes, even you Warner Bros. I feel bad for all of you who have to wait another 2-3 months to see it. It is most definitely one of the year's best.

  • Xanadu 1980

    Watched 15 Aug, 2013 2

    To rate Xanadu is to not "get" Xanadu. It is 5 stars, it is 0 stars. It is the stars and everything in between the stars. Xanadu is not of this world and thus has little time for your Earthly star ratings or your critical analysis or your good taste. Xanadu is nothing and Xanadu is all.

    I mean, how many movies have as many WTF moments as this? Should be cherished as the ridiculous cultural artifact it is. How…

  • Before Midnight 2013

    ★★★★★ Watched 03 Dec, 2013 8

    Yeah...so that's how that's done. Why did I wait so long to watch this? Perhaps I was secretly afraid it wouldn't measure up to its predecessors? Well, nobody's perfect. Not even Celine or Jesse.

    I could watch these three make movies until the end of time and be happy.

  • Prisoners 2013

    ★★ Watched 23 Sep, 2013 2

    Deakins is awesome as always. Everything else is drivel.

    I wondered what it would be, but I've found that one 2013 movie everybody seems to love and I can't stand. Is Prisoners beautiful to look at, with Roger Deakins' cinematography basically classing up a pulpy thriller? Yeah. Does that alone absolve the rest of the film's flaws? Nope.

    Miscasting, hideous performances, telegraphed twists, ridiculous plot holes, pedestrian direction, borderline laughable clues and symbolism with a running time that's about twice…

  • Captain America: The Winter Soldier 2014

    ★★★★ Watched 09 Apr, 2014

    Boy, I seem to have boxed myself into a corner by being so generous to the Thor movies (both of them). Frankly, I think both Captain America movies blow those out of the water (probably the Iron Man films as well, in hindsight) and honestly are on par more with The Avengers than any of the other MCU installments. Personally, I think I slightly prefer the more art deco, comic book-y style and spirit of The First Avenger and the…