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  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014

    ★½ Watched 09 Mar, 2015

    When I was a kid, I dressed up as Leonardo for Halloween. THREE TIMES. So I take no pleasure in joining the herd and crapping on this movie. Even by typical Ninja Turtles standards, this is incredibly stupid stuff, not helped by also being lifeless and ugly.

    It's not I, Frankenstein-level terrible (aka "The Worst Movie Ever Made At The Moment", but then again, what is?) but Jeremy Thomas is right when he declared it "aggressively mediocre". TMNT was never…

  • Into the Storm

    Into the Storm 2014

    ★★½ Watched 30 Nov, 2014

    It ain't no Twister or The Day After Tomorrow, but for those of us who love our disaster/weather/tornado porn, it meets the minimum requirements. For those who don't dig these kind of flicks, don't bother.

  • John Wick

    John Wick 2014

    ★★★½ Watched 28 Oct, 2014 2

    Any movie that is able to make you forget that Keanu Reeves is a terrible actor, is at least somewhat successful. John Wick does this by constantly moving forward, never dwelling on long scenes that require its star to say much. It works, and ends up being a kick-ass bit of action fun. It's not much more than that, but it turns out that what it is and what it does, is enough.

  • Life Itself

    Life Itself 2014

    ★★★★ Watched 12 Aug, 2014

    All the feels. ALL of them.

  • Blue Ruin

    Blue Ruin 2013

    ★★★★ Watched 10 Aug, 2014

    I spent much of my childhood/young adult life where this movie spends its first 15-20 minutes. So perhaps I was just hooked from the start more immediately than others, but I really dug most of this. Especially after just seeing The Raid 2, a coincidental-yet-still-interesting counterpoint to that movie and style of revenge movie which features visceral violence. Good stuff.

  • The Raid 2

    The Raid 2 2014

    ★★★½ Watched 09 Aug, 2014

    Turns out more plot doesn't actually improve The Raid.

    There are some absolutely sublime, "holy shit" moments in this (as there were in the first). But where the original felt new and fresh, gliding from scene to scene as if it were some non-stop stream of consciousness action/fight movie, this installment trades in a swift-feeling punch fest for a borderline interminable story that far too often interrupts what you actually want to see and which breaks up the flow of…

  • Guardians of the Galaxy

    Guardians of the Galaxy 2014

    ★★★½ Watched 04 Aug, 2014 5

    So close...

    Another weak Marvel villain (or two...poor Karen Gillian). Too many sloppy action sequences. And dear god the constant explanations of plots, subplots, characters, settings, just kills the flow of this, especially in the first half. The tone is a bit wonky and it's more fun than funny. And on that subject, the not-quite-a-raccoon is not funny. In the slightest. That said...

    I can't believe a movie where the phrase "Dave Bautista and a CG tree voiced by…

  • 300: Rise of an Empire

    300: Rise of an Empire 2014

    ★★★ Watched 30 Jul, 2014

    It's another ugly masturbatory stroll through history, but while Zack Snyder's original 300 was a drab, ridiculously self-serious bore, Noam Murro's unnecessary follow-up is an even more ridiculous exercise that somehow manages to top its predecessor and actually This isn't because Murro is reinventing the wheel here or that the screenplay tops the paper-thin outline of the original. No, this sequel's improvement comes down to one simple factor.

    Eva. Fucking. Green.

    That's it. Sullivan Stapleton is a big dull…

  • Cockneys vs Zombies

    Cockneys vs Zombies 2012

    ★★½ Watched 04 Jul, 2014

    Too much of this misfires to really heartily enjoy or recommend, but it is a decently pleasant watch and at the end of the day it knows exactly what it is. Also, it invariably would be more enjoyable to Brits and those from East London, although I got enough to get the basics.

    Really a 2-star movie, but I'm feeling generous and bumping it a half-star for the credits, Monty Python-esque song and use of elderly people cursing like sailors and shooting large guns.

  • I, Frankenstein

    I, Frankenstein 2014

    ½ Watched 04 Jul, 2014 3

    Stupendously, stunningly bad.

    In every single way, one of the worst big-budget ($65 million in this case) mainstream Hollywood releases of my lifetime. As a fan of the (admittedly average) Underworld series, I find it personally insulting that anyone would equate or rate higher this...thing.

    I weep for Yvonne Strahovski and Miranda Otto. I want to see more of them in bigger movies...but not if it means demeaning themselves like they and everyone involved does here.

    I can't even wrap…

  • Transformers: Age of Extinction

    Transformers: Age of Extinction 2014

    ★★ Watched 30 Jun, 2014

    My favorite part of Transformers: Age of Extinction is when the 20-year old male lead takes out a laminated copy of the Texas law that proves he isn't actually committing statutory rape by sleeping with and ogling Marky Mark's 17-year old daughter and then taunting Marky Mark for sleeping and ogling his 17-year old daughter. For reals. As if by extension that absolves Michael Bay himself for his gross ogling of 17-year old Nicola Peltz. Peltz was actually 18 during…

  • Edge of Tomorrow

    Edge of Tomorrow 2014

    ★★★★ Watched 16 Jun, 2014

    Oh man, you guys. So good. SO GOOD. Almost exactly what I want from this kind of Summer Blockbuster. Nearly everything about this works from the strong visuals to the tight direction and editing to the quality cast and performances taking a good, light script and making it work even better. Folks who skipped out on this don't know what they missed.

    Also, there's a surprising level of depth you can mine from this (if you want to, it's not…